Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!

Re: Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!

• Annas2013 member

  

  April 2012

  I don't think it's weird.  I'm dreading actually having to get addresses for everyone because when I got the lists from my mom and FMIL, no addresses were listed.  I think it's nice that you want to see when the most people can make it/if there's a date that everyone could make it.  You should also realize, though, that sometimes stuff comes up and not everyone can make it.  Also, I feel your pain in that I'm the first out of all of my cousins to get married so everyone's super excited.

  

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• freebread03 member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recently-engaged-already-getting-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7b3a4baf-82ff-4b74-97cc-09a1c6720133Post:6e445c60-216a-4190-a4d8-24734efb18e8">Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!</a>:
  [QUOTE]We got engaged a couple of weeks ago and are already receiving pressure regarding setting our "when & where". Even though we are planning a local wedding, about 75% of our guest list is from out of state and want to be making travel plans, setting their budgets, etc. Our wedding is going to be a big deal because its the first one on either of my parents side in at least 15 years! Saying my family is excited is an understatement! In order to accommodate all of our out of state guests wishes, I thought about creating a Survey Monkey to send out to poll all my "would absolutely love it if they could make it" guests on the likelyhood they will be able to attend and what months they could attend. Is that tacky? I was going to add a spot at the end for them to fill out their address to start compiling my invite address book. Again, is this weird? Any advice on the subject is MUCH MUCH appreciated!!
  Posted by sarahanne25[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes, this is weird.  Trying to accomodate the schedules of a large group of people is next to impossible.  You are better off selecting a date and location that works best for your nearest and dearest (i.e. immediate family, best friend, etc.) and sending Save the Dates 6-9 months out so that they can make all the necessary arrangements.  Also, people don't typically know their schedules over a year out--do you really expect them to be able to tell you if they can make a date that far off?  Please, don't do this.  Your instincts are right--this is super weird.
  
  Edit:  You CAN talk with those nearest and dearest to you via phone or in person about dates, and you CAN reach out to people individually to get addresses.  Asking people to fill out a survey though isn't, IMO, an acceptable solution (email works just great).

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• lodonnell616 member

  

  April 2012

  I think the survey monkey is a little bit weird, esp if you're asking all your guest which date suits them best.   If you already have their e-mail addresses you can just ask for their home addresses via e-mail.

  

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• peachykeen26 member

  

  April 2012

  Yeah. Don't do that.
  Do what works for you. You will never be able to accomodate every single person on your guest list. Choose a date that works for you. You will just end up stressing yourself out trying to make everyone else happy.
  This day is about you and your fiance. While it is nice to have guests, it's not quite as important as the beginning of your marriage.
  So don't let people tell you what to do or how to do it. Stick to your guns through this ENTIRE process and don't be afraid to hurt feelings, gently of course.
  
  Good luck!

  
  First Look
  
  

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• OBX2011 member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recently-engaged-already-getting-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7b3a4baf-82ff-4b74-97cc-09a1c6720133Post:45746c92-5038-4ff0-ac61-0cb1f0cf934b">Re: Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!</a>:
  [QUOTE]It's sweet that you guys want to be so accommodating, but it will only backfire. I imagine people asking why the wedding was scheduled when they couldn't come, emails with more date requests coming in after the survey, etc. <strong>Pick a date that works for the two of you and your VIPs - those who absolutely have to be there, like parents - and the rest will either be able to come or they won't.
  </strong>Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]
  
  THIS.
  
  Especially the bolded part :)

   

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• sarahanne25

  

  April 2012

  Thanks for the feedback guys! Very helpful! Yea, I forgot to mention that we IDEALLY want a short engagement... (Is September too soon?? HA! ) And then you have the holidays right after that. So we are realizing that planning a short engagement for a 75% OOT guest list that are all super antsy & excited to come... is next to impossible! If it was a year out, I would totally understand the "pick the best day for YOU and everyone that matters will do their best to make it happen"... but again, Would ideally want a Fall 2012 wedding, and we just got engaged! Eeeek!

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• julib33 member

  

  April 2012

  You can get it done in time.
  My cousin had to plan her entire wedding in 4 weeks when the found out when her fiance would be back on leave from the military.
  
  I would still suggest picking the best date for you and your immediate family. There is still plenty of time to notify guests. If you do the survey I guarantee you someone will be livid that you didn't choose the date THEY wanted, and you will not want to deal with that drama.
  
  Still pick your own date, then email and call people to get addresses.

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• blgrout

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recently-engaged-already-getting-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:7b3a4baf-82ff-4b74-97cc-09a1c6720133Post:15ec2dc0-a760-457f-be68-1dc79528517c">Re: Recently Engaged & Already Getting Pressure!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thanks for the feedback guys! Very helpful! Yea, I forgot to mention that we IDEALLY want a short engagement... (Is September too soon?? HA! :) ) And then you have the holidays right after that. So we are realizing that planning a short engagement for a 75% OOT guest list that are all super antsy & excited to come... is next to impossible! If it was a year out, I would totally understand the "pick the best day for YOU and everyone that matters will do their best to make it happen"... but again, Would ideally want a Fall 2012 wedding, and we just got engaged! Eeeek!
  Posted by sarahanne25[/QUOTE]
  
  You have to do what is best of you.  It's not impossible at all to plan a wedding in 5 months at all.  I have a friend who planned hers in 4 months, and one of my besties planned her wedding in 3 weeks.  Totally doable.
  
  Remember that it's YOUR guys' wedding.  If you try to accomodate several family members schedules, you might never find a wedding date.  You do what works for you and those closest, and send out a STD message as soon as you set the date to those who you want there, so they can try to make arrangements to come. 
  
  And congrats on getting engaged. :)

  

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