Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple

queenbone · August 2012

I'm a little rusty becasue my engagement party was 9 years ago, but I remember that presents are not expected and if you do receive them, you aren't supposed to open them in front of everyone.
We are invited to an engagement party for a friend (he's totally going to be a groomzilla.) He's a total slacker mooch, always throwing partis for himself and saying "you bring whatever you want to eat AND drink, I'll make a big salad." Another time he offered to make a bowl of popcorn for the party he was hosting.
Anyway I was joking around with another friend of ours saying I hope he doesn't expect to get any gifts and she said that in the Jewish tradition you DO get gifts at the engagement party and cash for the wedding. Is this the case? None of our other Jewish friends (including that other friend) had e-parties and we have always given physical presents at the wedding.
His fiance is a very sweet woman so I want to make sure we are doing the right thing for her.

queenbone · August 2012

I'm a little rusty becasue my engagement party was 9 years ago, but I remember that presents are not expected and if you do receive them, you aren't supposed to open them in front of everyone.
We are invited to an engagement party for a friend (he's totally going to be a groomzilla.) He's a total slacker mooch, always throwing partis for himself and saying "you bring whatever you want to eat AND drink, I'll make a big salad." Another time he offered to make a bowl of popcorn for the party he was hosting.
Anyway I was joking around with another friend of ours saying I hope he doesn't expect to get any gifts and she said that in the Jewish tradition you DO get gifts at the engagement party and cash for the wedding. Is this the case? None of our other Jewish friends (including that other friend) had e-parties and we have always given physical presents at the wedding.
His fiance is a very sweet woman so I want to make sure we are doing the right thing for her.

kmmssg · August 2012

There is a Jewish board under Cultural weddings that may be more helpful.

scstar17 · August 2012

Religion doesn't dictate anything about gifts - when you RSVP simply ask the party thrower.

Rachiemoo · August 2012

i would def. bring a gift if you attend the engagement party. it doesn't have to be anything expensive, it could just be a nice bottle of wine, etc.. i personally always bring gifts for engagement parties.

a lot of jews do gift cash gifts for weddings but i received plenty of physical gifts as well. i would just do what you are comfortable with and can afford.

imimahoney · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_etiquette-for-e-parties-for-jewish-couple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:8b9efd45-131d-4fb7-919a-7e8cb9868ddbPost:abfd49f1-26e1-4ca3-9f65-fbe5ad7801e9">Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a little rusty becasue my engagement party was 9 years ago, but I remember that presents are not expected and if you do receive them, you aren't supposed to open them in front of everyone. We are invited to an engagement party for a friend (he's totally going to be a groomzilla.) He's a total slacker mooch, always throwing partis for himself and saying "you bring whatever you want to eat AND drink, I'll make a big salad." Another time he offered to make a bowl of popcorn for the party he was hosting. Anyway I was joking around with another friend of ours saying I hope he doesn't expect to get any gifts and she said that in the Jewish tradition you DO get gifts at the engagement party and cash for the wedding. Is this the case? None of our other Jewish friends (including that other friend) had e-parties and we have always given physical presents at the wedding. His fiance is a very sweet woman so I want to make sure we are doing the right thing for her. :)
Posted by queenbone[/QUOTE]

<div>I would do a physical gift for a e-party and cash for the wedding. I've only been to Jewish weddings and really have never seen physical gifts there.. just cash. </div>

MrsMLRB · August 2012

We got a stack of gifts at our e-party- most were simple things like wine or small registry gifts.

I think the gift v. cash at wedding receptions is a regional thing. My Chicago family gave us almost exclusively cash at the wedding and his Minnesota family gave us almost exclusively gifts.

There is nothing Jewish or not Jewish about giving gifts are parties.

Starqueg · August 2012

I've only been to one e-party, ever. We gave them a check for $36 (double chai). If we weren't both grad students we would have given more, but they totally understood.

jessicabessica · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_etiquette-for-e-parties-for-jewish-couple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:8b9efd45-131d-4fb7-919a-7e8cb9868ddbPost:c90e6601-c418-48b8-8aab-ef2e265c0fd4">Re: Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple</a>:
[QUOTE]We got a stack of gifts at our e-party- most were simple things like wine or small registry gifts. I think the gift v. cash at wedding receptions is a regional thing. My Chicago family gave us almost exclusively cash at the wedding and his Minnesota family gave us almost exclusively gifts. There is nothing Jewish or not Jewish about giving gifts are parties.
Posted by MrsMLRB[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree that this is really more regional than religious. It seems like cash is a more frequent wedding gift in the northeast, but that doesn't mean it's the rule if you're not comfortable doing it. I generally bring a small gift to an engagement party, and we give a boxed gift at weddings because we prefer to give that over cash. </div>

MrsMLRB · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_etiquette-for-e-parties-for-jewish-couple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:8b9efd45-131d-4fb7-919a-7e8cb9868ddbPost:5ab6def2-9c4a-4eb3-b51c-2cdf61f1adaf">Re: Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple : I agree that this is really more regional than religious. It seems like cash is a more frequent wedding gift in the northeast, but that doesn't mean it's the rule if you're not comfortable doing it. I generally bring a small gift to an engagement party, and we give a boxed gift at weddings because we prefer to give that over cash.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

I also think it is weird to give friends money. Money always struck me as a gift that you give you niece or something. Not your friends. Like I wouldn't give my friend cash as a birthday present, so why would I give it as a wedding present?

Etiquette for E-parties for Jewish couple

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