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Whether to accept an offer of an engagement party...?

cas209cas209
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
My FI and I were engaged in December.  My parents would like to throw an engagement party, but are not able to financially.  I do not expect this at all and actually would prefer not to have one.  I don't like being the center of attention and a wedding will be enough time in the spotlight!

However, my parents would really like one.  My aunt has offered to host one for me at her home.  I know my family wants a party, but I feel badly acccepting when my parents' financial situation is so rough.  I almost feel bad about celebrating and even starting wedding preparations because of their situation.  I feel bad celebrating when things are rough.

FI's family is throwing one and he thinks I should say thank you and accept my Aunt's offer.  I feel weird about it.

Thoughts?  Advice?  Anyone in a similar situation?  I am so torn about what to do.
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Re: Whether to accept an offer of an engagement party...?

  • mdp911mdp911
    First Comment
    Ok, I have an idea, have it at your aunt's house and in order to make sure the financial burden doesn't fall on one person, ask each guest to bring one dish to contribute to the food. A few people can be in charge of drinks, someone can be in charge of getting paper products/plastic cups/plasticware (dollar store is perfect for purchasing these items), and others can bring dessert.  I'm assuming most people coming would be close friends and family anyway so there is no shame in asking!  When my Godmother threw a party for my Godfather's birthday this is exactly what my family did.  We all brought one dish we each had made, and let me tell you, it was delicious.  Want decorations?  Go to the dollar store!!  It's amazing what dollar stores have now a days.  This way you don't have to feel bad about your parents paying too much money nor do you have to feel as though you are burdening your aunt.  Hope this helps! 
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  • cas209cas209
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    Mdp911, that is a good idea.  I think I am going to accept, but will definitely offer to bring things/help in any way I can.  I know that my parents said they spoke with my Aunt and have already agreed to help her by bringing dishes, etc.  This may be the way to go.  Thanks!

    I think I will accept the offer, but definitely stress that it can be informal and very casual.  I think she is thinking about doing it during the summer.  Summer is the perfect time for a BBQ!
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    IMO, 5 months after you've gotten engaged is too far gone to have an e-party.  E-parties usually happen rather quickly after the couple gets engaged, so I think your window of opportunity has passed.
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  • mdp911mdp911
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    Vicki0508 I would have to disagree with you on that one. Perhaps it is less common for people to have engagement parties 5 months after the actual engagement but you know what some families may not have the finances immediately proceeding the engagement, or maybe the family cannot get together due to other things going on for several months. Or MAYBE just maybe some of us have to take the New York State Bar exam and are too busy studying for a 16 hour test and do not have the option of having the E-Party right away.  To say her "window of opportunity has passed" is just utterly ridiculous.  I understand the reasoning behind other rules of etiquette but even if this is an actual "rule" it does not make any sense. 
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  • swalton86swalton86 member
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    I understand how you feel about an engagement party. I recently got engaged and a lot of my friends want to know if we're having an engagement party. I'm not a fan of being the center of attention either so I totally understand where you're coming from.  I talked with my fiance and we don't want to throw one for ourselves but if our friends want to throw one and we can help out, we'd be fine with that. So as of last night, my friend is going to have a BBQ over the summer at her house, probably in June, and it'll be family in the afternoon then more friends later on. People can bring food as well so the financial burden isn't on my friend. My friends just want to celebrate, haha, so I'll let them but I don't want them to go broke doing it.

    I hope everything works out for you!!!
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_whether-accept-offer-of-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:70f4a9c0-60f6-47ac-825f-e802a0c96165Post:52255415-7ef5-4baf-aa4e-a94d6063749f">Re: Whether to accept an offer of an engagement party...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Vicki0508 I would have to disagree with you on that one. Perhaps it is less common for people to have engagement parties 5 months after the actual engagement but you know what some families may not have the finances immediately proceeding the engagement, or maybe the family cannot get together due to other things going on for several months. Or MAYBE just maybe some of us have to take the New York State Bar exam and are too busy studying for a 16 hour test and do not have the option of having the E-Party right away.  To say her "window of opportunity has passed" is just utterly ridiculous.  I understand the reasoning behind other rules of etiquette but even if this is an actual "rule" it does not make any sense. 
    Posted by mdp911[/QUOTE]
    Engagement parties aren't a right.  They're an optional party.  If your family can't afford it, or you're too busy to attend, then you don't have one.  If you can't afford to throw a birthday party or are too busy, you don't throw it 5 months later. 

    OP doesn't even WANT an e-party, so I don't know why you're so upset that I'm giving her another out.  Sounds like you're projecting a little bit because you had your engagement party several months after you got engaged and don't want people to call you out on it.  Seriously, calm down.

    I'm finishing law school, planning a wedding, and taking the bar exam too, so cry me a river. 
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  • gymbugmj2kgymbugmj2k member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    *shrug* my engagement party was 2 months after I got engaged.  then again our engagement is almost exactly 2 years to the wedding date. i don't see a problem with waiting 5 months.

    also, don't feel obligated to have a fancy party.  my family and I had an 'open house' type of cocktail party with a few people contributing different dishes and desserts. it was relaxed, and a great way to get everyone together.  A BBQ idea sounds like fun!

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  • ndevvyndevvy member
    First Comment
    I don't think there is really a statute of limitations (;)) on a family throwing a party to celebrate one of their own getting engaged. I agree that an informal summer barbecue sounds like a nice compromise!
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