Saturday or Sunday?

missglinda14 · August 2012

So I'm Catholic and I'm marrying a Jewish man. I'm converting to Judaism, but possibly not in time for the wedding so it may still be an Interfaith wedding. My question is if it is possible at all to do a Saturday evening wedding, even with Shabbat? My future mother-in-law did tell me that rabbi's that do interfaith weddings tend to be more flexible with Shabbat, but all the weddings in her family, even the interfaith ones, have always been on a Sunday. So has anyone ever been to or heard of a Saturday Jewish wedding? And if not, would it be possible to do a later Sunday wedding, since everyone will probably be taking off of work/school Monday anyway?

Edit: My wedding is going to be in October, I know that makes a difference with sundown times.

vlevitt · August 2012

it's fairly unusual to see a saturday jewish wedding, but not unheard of. and, as your FMIL said, rabbi's performing interfaith weddings, are, by definition more flexible.

however, i'd be surprised to find one that will perform a wedding while it is still shabbat.

as you suggested, sundown in october is earlier than say, in the height of summer, so finding a time after shabbat goes out will be easier. in october up here in canada shabbat ends relatively early (around 6ish) compared to summer (around 10ish). it's best of course, to check with the person officiating to get their opinion on the matter. are you dead-set on a saturday wedding, or is sunday an option for you still? we had our wedding on the sunday of a long weekend, and started it at 11am to allow people within driving distance to get home at a reasonable hour.

if you must have a saturday wedding, you could always choose to go with a JP officiant and the shabbat issue won't matter.

missglinda14 · August 2012

I'm actually very open to a Sunday wedding, although I would like it to be a bit later, say around 3. My FMIL is wanting a Saturday wedding though, which I'm not sure exactly why. She has mentioned logistics of travel and taking off of work and less people showing up, but everyone else seems to think that if someone really wanted to come to the wedding, they would come no matter what day it is. I know my fiance wants a rabbi and we have talked to an interfaith rabbi that said that we need to decide which day will offend less people, and honestly he has more practicing Jewish family than I do practicing Catholic family, so I'm just hoping we can get his mom on board for a Sunday affair!

Bonzo2011 · August 2012

It sounds like in your situation the Sunday afternoon might work better than a Saturday evening. You mentioned that Monday will be a holiday, which one? If its not a federal holiday, schools and many offices will not have the day off. This may affect how late people stay at your reception.

abrown351 · August 2012

My husband and I had a Saturday night wedding. We wanted to have Havdalah as part of our ceremony. We had pictures, the ketubah signing and the bedeken just before Havdalah and then continued with the circling and then on to the Chuppah Ceremony. It was wonderful, but given the late hour we had our reception on Sunday afternoon.

Rachiemoo · August 2012

i've been to quite a few jewish saturday evening weddings. as long as it starts after shabbat, i don't see an issue. sunday is certainly more common but i wouldn't think it to be strange to have a saturday evening jewish wedding.

Benny618 · August 2012

I disagree with PPs... I have been to tons of Saturday night Jewish weddings. They are after sun down, how far after depends on the rabbi. You can google your date to find out when sundown will be to help you gauge. Unless your FI feels strongly about using a particular rabbi with rules you have to follow, I think you should decide what works better for you and then find a rabbi you like who will do what you want. We are getting married in may and don't want to wait until an hour after sundown, so we found a great reform rabbi who will do it just at sundown instead. That works for us. I wouldn't focus on worrying that you will offend people so much. Its your wedding and your life and people who like to complain will always find something negative to say. I wouldn't worry about it. Something I personally like about being Jewish is that there are many levels of judaism, and you and your FI can decide what laws and traditions work for you.

manduh425 · August 2012

I know someone getting married on Saturday, October 6th at 5:30... The sun won't be down by then, but they found a Rabbi to marry them. So I guess it just depends on the Rabbi. I would ask around?

Good luck on your conversion by the way! I finished my conversion about a month ago

MrsMLRB · August 2012

If you want to have a Saturday night wedding officiated by a rabbi, find the rabbi first and then find the venue. Some rabbis will do Saturday night weddings, some won't. My very reform rabbi will perform interfaith weddings and same sex marriages, but even he won't do any weddings on Saturday (even if it starts after Shabbat is officially over).

I have been to one Saturday night Jewish wedding in the last few years, so it does happen. All the others occured sometime on Sunday. You might want to consider a Sunday brunch wedding if you are concerned about time concerns. A friend of mine did that and it was wonderful.

Also, we had a Sunday wedding over Labor Day and still had people who didn't make the trip who could have. Have the wedding when you feel comfortable and if people can't make it, they can't make it. Not everyone will be able to make your wedding and that is fine.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

I see you are in Philly, and there are very conservative Rabbi's in Philly (even the Reform Rabbi's lean a bit Conservative). I agree with a previous post and say find a Rabbi first. Your saving grace is the month, Shabbat ends early in October so you may have some luck. Depending on your budget, having a later wedding and reception dictates your food choices, so beware. Just to be safe, if I were you, I wouldn't have your ceremony begin for 8 pm definitely....and maybe for a schmooze effect, have challah at the reception, just a thought. Congrats and good luck.

amandaandjon2012 · August 2012

My FI and I did not want to have our (Jewish) wedding on Sunday. We ususally hate going to Sunday night weddings and having to use vacation time to travel, or being tired on a Monday if it is local. We are getting married in December when the days are shorter. Our synagouge where we are getting married is pretty traditional conservative. Our Rabbi says that we can get into the synagouge to take pictures at 5:15, our ceremony will begin at 7:30.

shimtown · August 2012

As long as your wedding is not in the synagogue, and you are flexible about the rabbi you choose, I think you should be fine. I have been to several before sundown Saturday night weddings that were officiated by very liberal rabbis. My own wedding is on a Saturday night in November. Since sunset will be around 5:30 pm, my conservative rabbi (who does drive on Shabbat) has agreed to officate at 6:30 pm. Good luck!

Valentino2013 · August 2012

I have to disagree with Reform Rabbis in Philly leaning more the Conservative position. I am sure they are out there, but all of the Reform Rabbis I know do not.

I also agree if having a Jewish wedding is important to you find your officiant first, then look for the venue. Ours will be on a Sunday and we didn't worry about people traveling. No matter what someone somewhere will have an issue.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_saturday-or-sunday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:7fe38df1-7175-40ed-bf61-72459d72dbaePost:3bea39e5-c813-4788-8444-bc5e1f8f6245">Re: Saturday or Sunday?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see you are in Philly, and there are very conservative Rabbi's in Philly (even the Reform Rabbi's lean a bit Conservative). I agree with a previous post and say find a Rabbi first. Your saving grace is the month, Shabbat ends early in October so you may have some luck. Depending on your budget, having a later wedding and reception dictates your food choices, so beware. Just to be safe, if I were you, I wouldn't have your ceremony begin for 8 pm definitely....and maybe for a schmooze effect, have challah at the reception, just a thought. Congrats and good luck.
Posted by moonbaby38[/QUOTE]

Saturday or Sunday?

Re: Saturday or Sunday?

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