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Ok, Advice Please

gweledyddgweledydd
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
My fiance proposed on August 13 this year.  I told him that I didn't want a ring, so he proposed without one.  We are both rather poor financially and in a lot of debt (I am a student; he recently started his own videography company).  I ended up getting a lot more financial aid this year than expected, so I told him he could use some of it to get a ring if he really wanted to.  The problem is that he got a ring that I don't like and spent way more money on it than we have.  He asked me on several occassions what my perfect ring is, and I told him.  He works in a jewelry store, so he notices the imperfections and things like that a diamond has in it.  I don't care about those things.  I don't want to be a brat, but I feel hurt and betrayed that he didn't take my feelings or ideas into consideration.  I feel even worse since I'm paying for over half the ring and will have to pay this money back in loans in the future.  I am happy to be with him and don't want anyone else, but I can't help feeling this way.  It is a pretty ring, but it's just not something I would have picked out for myself, you know?   
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Re: Ok, Advice Please

  • naomikbnaomikb member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Sticky situation... it's never a good idea to go into debt for a ring/wedding, but he was clearly acting out of love for you and wanting to get you a beautiful ring that you deserved.  It's pretty rude to return a ring though... he probably wouldn't be too happy about that.  It's probably best to talk with him to discuss your worries about paying it off and see what he says.
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  • gweledyddgweledydd
    First Comment
    Well it's not that I dislike the ring or that I want him to return it.  Nor is it the paying it off part.  I guess what worries me is if he is doing this now, how will he take my opinion into consideration when we get married, you know?  I know it's petty and I really am happy he wanted to get something nice for me, but I just feel like if I'm putting a lot of my own money into the pot that I should be getting what I want even if it is below his own standards.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    If it was your money, why didn't you help pick it out?

    This is a sticky situation, I would say return it & don't buy a new one. But have that talk with your FI, not us. Try to explain to your FI, that you can't afford to spend as much as he did & you need to return it. Focus on the money, not that you dislike the ring. Going into debt for the ring is horrible.

    ETA: If you tell him you dislike the ring, you will most likely hurt his feelings. Yes, he should have considered your feelings, but are you sure he didn't? He might have tried to get a ring you like but that didn't cost a ton. Was it a specific setting? well, settings can cost thousands by themselves.

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    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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  • future-mrsfuture-mrs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with PP, while the situation does suck, he's your fiance, talk to him.  Be careful with what you say and make sure you tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings but....and explain your feelings.  Hopefully once you tell him you both can work out a solution together, GL!
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm sort of stuck on the whole "I used my financial aid, that is supposed to pay for my education, to buy an engagement ring." 

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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ok-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:85738b1e-1ccf-46c0-9471-a7d375a2d985Post:c2ff2eb1-15e6-4e07-a617-4294ac365399">Re: Ok, Advice Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sort of stuck on the whole "I used my financial aid, that is supposed to pay for my education, to buy an engagement ring." 
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  Also, I had to add that we're almost engagement date twins.  I got engaged on August 14th.</div>

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  • coastiegrl25coastiegrl25 member
    First Comment
    You need to ask yourself if he values your opinion in other ways. If the ring he bought you has you doubting if he values what you think, then you need to look at other things. Don't let the ring he bought for you make you doubt your relationship, unless he doesn't listen to you at all in other areas.
    When is my wedding
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  • denisentim0311denisentim0311
    First Comment
    First off I'm really sorry that you're going through this.  What I think you should do is talk to your FI about the finance issue and make sure he knows that it's out of your budget right now.  Telling him you don't like the ring will only upset him and may cause other problems.
    I know that we went ring shopping I wanted a small stone because I have short fingers and big stones don't look that great on my finger.  Well it turns out the ring that I picked out was bigger than I thought, and I felt really bad when I had found out.  I didn't want him to pay a fortune on the ring and it turns out he got me the ring that I really liked, but I thought it was smaller than it was when I tried it on.
    So you see, if you're up front and honest with him, he may get upset and he may not.  If you talk to him about your financial issues and that you need the money for your student loans for your education, then maybe he'll handle that a little bit better than you telling him that you don't like the ring.
    It's a sticky situation but I feel talking about the financial aspects are far better than telling him you don't like the ring.
    Goodluck and Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding.
    Denise

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