I feel like a bad friend.

squeakyduck · December 2010

So, I posted a while ago about a bridesmaid who dumped me from her wedding and then unfriended me on facebook.

At the advice of my fiancé’s fake-mommy, (his bff's mom) I re-friended this girl. But we didn't really talk.

Well, now she’s talking to me again. All about herself. She briefly apologized, and then started talking about her wedding (that I'm no longer a part of) incessantly.

The thing is, it turns out that she has a large ovarian cyst. They are checking her for cancer. I am worried, but I'm also not ready to really have her in my life again. There is a long history of everything being about her. I do wish her well, and I have been praying for her health, but right now I feel like she's only talking to me because I'm the only one in town besides her husband. And I would guess I'm the only one online right now too.

I just don't really know what to do. I don't want to talk to her right now, but I am worried about her health.

Edited for grammar

kelseydjames · December 2010

I would try to redirect the conversation to her health, and try to keep it there until the conversation dies out. Then just tell her that you'll be praying for her and you wish her the best.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

Honestly, even if she is dealing with this, it doesn't give her license to be a terrible person (which is what she is doing). I understand having a bad day and flipping out on someone, but these are usually followed by sincere apologies and making amends. And it doesn't sound like she's done any of those things. For all you know, she's exaggerating the problem (I've known several people with ovarian cysts that were not that serious) to make you feel sorry for her. Explain you'll be praying for her and that you're thinking of her, but that you're really hurt by what she did and you'd rather talk about fixing your friendship before any more of this wedding stuff.

squeakyduck · December 2010

She says it's the size of a grapefruit and that it's grown since her last appointment.

However, I honestly wouldn't put it past her to exaggerate. She is constantly victimizing herself. Every time she disagrees with someone, it's somehow a personal affront to her and they are doing it just to stress her out.

I honestly don't understand how she's so stressed out. Her fake-wedding is well over a year away, she isn't working or looking for a job, and she's not in school. She also doesn't have kids, and her husband does all the cooking and cleaning. So she's not doing the housewife thing either. Yes, the cyst is probably stressful, but she's been like this for a long time before the cyst.

(If you can't tell, I might be a little stressed out too. Finals are not fun.)

aegrish · December 2010

what do you mean by fake wedding? It sounds like she needs your prayers more than anything,and maybe you should keep her out of your life for now if you already can't handle her drama. Sometimes, the best things to do with friends like that is to distance yourself from them if there's animosity or aggravation. Maybe you should really ask yourself is she really a true friend of yours ,and if so what does she contribute to the friendship, if anything?

squeakyduck · December 2010

I say fake wedding when I'm mad because she is already married. She got married in a courthouse last april. Now she's spending thousands of dollars (that she's always complaining about not having) on a ceremony in 2012.

Right now I'm working on distance. But she is not making it easy.

aegrish · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_feel-like-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:33f7dcb2-ffb6-4241-9f32-2e2a648020b6Post:f6315a15-bd4e-4c9b-a1c6-b8079e48f5c8">Re: I feel like a bad friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I say fake wedding when I'm mad because she is already married. She got married in a courthouse last april. Now she's spending thousands of dollars (that she's always complaining about not having) on a ceremony in 2012. Right now I'm working on distance. But she is not making it easy.
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

I have a friend with the same situation. She has been married 2 times...first time was in vegas and was annuled, 2nd was a HUGE wedding, and she 'broke up' with her husband months after it. She's now technically still married and living with another guy...of course I do not approve or support any of that, but I still love her as a friend. However, she does NOT annoy the heck out of me like your 'friend' seems too. You do not need the stress from YOUR wedding. Again I would mark her as a 'stay away from' friend and continue to pray for her...

squeakyduck · December 2010

well, she's marrying the same guy. They got married in a courthouse and now she wan't the whole big deal with the dress and everything.

Can I tell her that she should go the the E board for some support? I would LOVE to see that.

sessionswedding · December 2010

Ouch, that would be harsh, lol.

squeakyduck · December 2010

It'd be entertaining though.

And she's being so manipulating about the cyst thing. She started out by saying, "I know you don't care, but..."

Which I now realize was so that I would say, "Of course I care!" (which I did.)

And now she gets sympathy and attention.

I can't believe I fell for it.

AshNoel8 · December 2010

That's tough. Just try to not judge and be as understanding as you can, but also keep some distance.

mattycam · December 2010

Sometimes in best to be friends from afar. Keep your conversations limited and your prayers consistent because based on what you have written she needs them.

kellya01 · December 2010

Wow, I really think you're taking the "higher" road in all of this. It is hard to believe that people would treat another person like you were treated, but we all make mistakes, and some really bad mistakes sometimes too.

You have done such a gracious thing by trying to be the neutral party, despite your hurt, and that is something to be commended! You can still be "friendly" but if you don't have time to TALK (as in her wedding and/or health stuff), then have somewhere you need to be or someone else who needs your attention, and gracefully step out of the conversation. It sounds like you need to find a way to put the hurt past you, and that is impossible when you allow yourself to be around that situation constantly.

Remember, hurting people are really in slavery to those who hurt them, until you decide to let it go. (the advice of my pastor). When you find it within you to forgive her and let it go, the hurt will subside (slowly, over time) and you can find freedom in learning to let the hurt go!! (ALL of that was from my pastor's recent message about hurt).

sister2groom · December 2010

Praying for her is a great step in trying to forgive her. And forgiving someone does not mean you need to pretend everything's OK and just chat about invites. There's nothing wrong with having a genuine conversation with someone's who has hurt you and telling them how you've been hurt and that you're trying to forgive them, but that it won't happen for you immediately.

iamjoesgurl · December 2010

Is this the same friend that you were talking about on E?

squeakyduck · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_feel-like-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:33f7dcb2-ffb6-4241-9f32-2e2a648020b6Post:63c962e8-40ea-46fb-b74d-c8c831977d8c">Re: I feel like a bad friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this the same friend that you were talking about on E?
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

<div>yes. Same girl. </div>

iamjoesgurl · December 2010

Ok - I read everything on E and felt bad for you but I was not in agreement with how everyone was telling you to handle it. It is really hard for ladies on these boards because we don't know her but I thought that the situation could be handled in a more loving way without allowing her to walk all over you.

If this was me, I would be honest with her and get everything out in the open. It really sounds like she is taking advantage of you and I don't really see that you have anything to lose by just telling her how she hurt you and that you are not interested in talking about the wedding with her. I think you said that you had been honest with her about the dress and she turned the apology back on you so I don't know how this would be taken, but I don't think you can reconcile a friendship without being honest about everything that is bothering you. I don't know if you want to reconcile the friendship but I don't think you probably want to turn the friendship completely negative (to the point where you would avoid her if you saw her at the grocery store, for example).

I'll say a prayer about this whole situation (her health, the wedding situation, the friendship). I hope that you're able to work through everything.

I feel like a bad friend.

Re: I feel like a bad friend.

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