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coworkers, invites, and school politics

spartybride3spartybride3 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know there are a lot of posts about this, but I am really undecided on what to do. 

I work in a school district & am considered a "district employee" (meaning I am not a teacher), but I work in 2 buildings. I have been in the district for 4 years & have my district department, plus my teams in my buildings. My department (12 people) is very excited for me & I feel that most of them think they are invited, as they have stated they are "sooo excited for my wedding." I am going to invite 1 person from my dept, but I hang out with her outside of work & we are good friends. I am also close with my team in my building and feel that they will be hurt if they do not get an invite. I feel totally obligated to invite my principals, since they were invited to other co-workers weddings last year. 

I also have a fellow team member in my bldg that is getting married a couple weeks before me & we talk about inviting coworkers since we feel if one does it, then the other one has to in order to avoid a mess. 

I simply cannot afford to invite everyone, nor feel that I need to. I have no idea how to address the subject. We go back to work next week & I am scared that people will start to "fish" for invites. I especially feel torn because I have worked there so long & if I could afford it, I would invite them. Do I send "courtesy" invites? Our wedding is out of state, so I don't know how many of them would actually travel. How do I appropriately address this and avoid the fallout from school politics??  HELP!!!!
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Re: coworkers, invites, and school politics

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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    It's time to talk less about your wedding at work and learn the mantra "very small, mostly family." That way, people stop expecting invitations.

    It sounds like there's one person you see out of work and want to invite. Invite her (and her SO).

    Do not invite any other co-workers out of obligation. Your wedding does not have to match, in guests or anything else, other co-workers' weddings. If anyone says anything, they're being rude, and you say, "We're having a very small wedding, mostly family" or the more usual on theknot "Thank you for your well-wishes. We're sad we couldn't invite everyone we hoped to."
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    ZombieNatesZombieNates
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    Well, I've worked in my district for seven years and had no issue with inviting people. I invited the people I am close with outside of work and kept wedding talk at work to a minimum--I only answered questions about the wedding if people asked and didn't mention inviting people or anything like that. Likewise, those who were invited did not talk about it at work, which avoided all awkward conversations.

    I did not invite my principal, but did invite my direct supervisor.  I think my principal was kind of relieved not to be invited--she doesn't like stuff like that and it's not as if we're friends.

    A girl at my job got married the month before me and invited a ton of people from work. So many of them wondered why they were even invited (saying it seemed gift-grabby) and the people who weren't invited would always make comments about how rude it was.  It seemed like a big clusterfuck for no reason.

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    Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Halting talk on the wedding hasn't helped me.  My co-workers keep fishing around for invites.  I already told them it's a small family only function, and then they insist they are going to crash it.

    So just remind them it's out of state, and a small family only wedding.
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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
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    Zombie, that shot of you from behind is absolutely stunning.
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    Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_coworkers-invites-school-politics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ebf9d45-9134-409e-a3ef-ae5aca08f19aPost:5a510557-8f05-43d7-882c-2b5a8a3fe765">Re: coworkers, invites, and school politics</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I've worked in my district for seven years and had no issue with inviting people. I invited the people I am close with outside of work and kept wedding talk at work to a minimum--I only answered questions about the wedding if people asked and didn't mention inviting people or anything like that. Likewise, those who were invited did not talk about it at work, which avoided all awkward conversations. I did not invite my principal, but did invite my direct supervisor.  I think my principal was kind of relieved not to be invited--she doesn't like stuff like that and it's not as if we're friends. <strong>A girl at my job got married the month before me and invited a ton of people from work. So many of them wondered why they were even invited (saying it seemed gift-grabby)</strong> and the people who weren't invited would always make comments about how rude it was.  It seemed like a big clusterfuck for no reason.
    Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

    Can't help but remember a few years ago this girl at work invited almost everybody to her wedding.  It was obvious she was wanting gifts because most of these people weren't even close friends.
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    2012FutureMrsB2012FutureMrsB member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a teacher, so I understand working in education. I carpool with three other teachers, so we spend over an hour a day stuck in a car and as a result, we know a lot more about each other than we probably should, lol. Anyway, I definitely want to invite them b/c we're a lot closer but I also had a hard time deciding who else to invite. It seems "proper" to at least invite the principal, but we're not really that close, so when I thought about it, I figured why should I feel obligated to invite someone to MY wedding just b/c he/she is my boss? That doesn't make sense.

    Also, one lady in my carpool (who is very wise) told me something that really helped me - she said that since I'm getting married in the summer (which I noticed you are too), then it's easier to only invite a few people b/c by then all teachers will be at home with their own families doing their own thing for the summer. You won't have any contact with them for a couple months at least. Not that they'll forget about your wedding entirely, but they will have other things on their mind.

    In the end, we had to cut our list way down, and I cut over 10 coworkers that were originally on the list. I am ONLY inviting my carpool, and I've been careful not to talk to any other coworkers about my wedding details. So far, so good. We'll see what happens in January Cool.
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    ZombieNatesZombieNates
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thanks, Raptor!

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    bmoruzzibmoruzzi member
    First Comment
    I also work in a school but am not a teacher.  I invited all my co-workers in my department plus their spouses/so's.  It was 14 people.  Of that, 11 came.  I didn't feel the need to invite my principal.  I think that would've been really awkward.  Don't feel obligated to invite everyone.  Just invite those that you are close with or hang with outside of work.  
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    spartybride3spartybride3 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    With my department, it would be about 24 people (including spouses) and I wouldn't want to invite all of them, but then it would seem rude not to! I am close with my building team, which would be about 16 ppl (incl. spouses). In my 2nd building, I just started there this year, so I haven't made as close of a relationship with those people. For whatever reason, I feel guilty for not inviting co-workers. I haven't mentioned to any of them that they are or would be invited, but they give me the impression that they think they are invited. I work closely with my 2 principals, so it wouldn't be awkward to invite them and they are on our final guest list. I just hate all of the politics of this! I don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but I also cannot afford to invite an extra 40 people. 
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