Save the Dates

SillyLGoose · June 2010

Few questions as I get ready to mail these suckers out!

1. Is it ok to write Mr. and Mrs. Lastname instead of Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Last Name??

2. Do I write Sally Lastname and guest OR do I just address it to Sally? Our wedding involves travel for many guests and I want them to plan their travel and hotel plans accordingly. I wasn't sure if it was bad form to put "and guest" after the names.

3. If I do the "and guest" route on the invite my plan was to give anyone the title "and guest" if they weren't engaged or living with their SO. Hate to have fiance's friends' girlfriends all pissy at me but I don't care if you've been together for 2 years...if you break up every other weekend how do I know you'll be together in 11 months? Does this sound o.k.? I have a feeling I'll have a lot of people mad at me....

4. Return addy- we don't live together. Whose name/address to I write?

TIA girls!! I was so excited when my magnets came in but now I realized I have to do something with them!

irishxmyst · June 2010

1. Yes, either way is fine.

2. You can put "and guest" if you don't know their guest's name because it signals to them that they can bring a guest. Generally, if you just address it to one person it just means that person. In many weddings these days, due to budgets, "and guest" is not implied." If you know their guest's name, put it.

3. This is a stickier situation, but I think if you know FI's friends' girlfriends' names, put them on there (esp if they have been together long enough that you should know it). I think its a given that if FI's friend and g/f break up before the wedding (and g/f is not a mutual friend of FI or you) then she will graciously bow out (because one would hope she'd realized she was not invited on her own). I had a similar situation with a good friend and her on-again-off-again FI. I addressed it to both of them by name and mailed it to my friend's house (they don't live together). They ended up both declining because of work schedules, but she knew, if they had accepted, that the invitation was meant really for her (because FI and I barely know her FI at all) and if they broke up she could either come alone or with someone else. (Since we're close friends and she wouldn't be offended by an etiquette faux pas, I pretty much told her that.)

4. Either one I'd think. Though maybe etiquette experts may say yours since the bride's parents typically host the wedding. (though these days many people can host the wedding). Keep in mind that might be the address a person will address a note/call for any questions or send gifts to, so you may want to think about who is better at fielding questions or keeping track of gifts.

I'll end this by saying, these are my opinions, and if any etiqutte experts say anything different on here, I'll defer to them and consider myself schooled.

Vanessa630 · June 2010

Irishxmyst did a much more thorough job than I'm capable of right now, haha. But I wanted to add that I did read the controversy of putting "and guest." However, in the case of Save the Dates, which are much less formal, I think it's fine. I've gone back and forth between just writing the person's name or putting "and guest." For example, our wedding party is getting a "plus one" regardless of if they're dating someone. Because of that, I completely agree with you that if the purpose of the Save the Dates is to help people plan, it makes a huge difference for them to know whether or not they can bring a date.

In conclusion, I feel your pain. I've been wanting to address these envelopes forever but I get stuck on all of these questions and I end up with like 4 different options per family.

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