Rehersal Dinner

bfuller1085 · August 2010

Ok, so my FIs parents seperated when he was 2 and he never really had contact with his father until about 7 years ago. My FMIL gave us a set amount of $$ to use toward the wedding however we needed/wanted to, so my FFIL decided he wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner so that we could use the other $$ for wedding/honeymoon. So heres my dilemma:

He suggested Borios (which in my mind is a bit pricey, but he's paying so Im happy with it), but I still dont want to drowned him with a payment b/c I know him and his wife have struggled with $$ in the recent past. We have almost totally decided that we want to keep the dinner to the wedding party (14), parents (6), biological grandparents (7), sister not in the wedding party (1) and minister (1) (= 29)....no dates, step grandparents, or out of town guests. We feel that adding all of these extras would make it a circus and we dont want to put too big a bill on them b/c we really didnt expect help from them to begin with...

My question is...is that rude? My FI was best man in a wedding and I wasn't invited so I dont think so, but Ive heard that out of town guest should be invited too. My problem with that is that between my FI and I...we have approx 15-20 out of town guest and thats just ridiculous. I dont know that the rehearsal dinner is THAT big of a deal as far as who to invite b/c its should be for people who need to know their roles in the ceremony. I dont know...I need input!! HELP!

KD+BC · August 2010

I don't think you have to invite OOT guests but I do think you need to invite step-grandparents and SO of bridal party members (FIs, wives/husbands, and SO who live together/been together for an extended period of time).

Talk to your FFIL and tell him the number you have come up with. Tell him that you really appreciate him doing this and that you want to make sure he's comfortable with the price. If he seems surprised, offer a suggestion of a less expensive option. We are doing ours at the Dinosaur in their upstairs room. It's really nice up there and affordable. We are doing 3 entrees and 3 sides for $20 per person though we could do 2 entrees and 2 sides for $15.

bfuller1085 · August 2010

See, Josh and I discussed a BBQ at his moms before his dad offered to do a nice dinner (Im assuming he might be a bit uncomfortable at his ex's house and I completely understand). The dates is a toss up b/c there wont be too many. But there are 2 girls (wives of GM)...that quite honestly I cant stand! And it was an easy out from inviting them to the more personable dinner. But I understand what youre saying. Thank you

C*Mia · August 2010

Yea unfortunately the last wedding I was in (back in march) the SO of bridal party members werent invited and they came from across the country. Everyone was a little miffed by this. My FFIL is having a BBQ at his place. We are making a cupcake tower for desert. Although we dont have the divorced parents scenario. Good luck!

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2010

I think you should definitely discuss this with your FFIL... there are so many options to work this out. If you are hoping to keep the rehearsal dinner small and private, that is totally understandable. I don't think that you should HAVE to invite out of town guests or SO's... but I would be sure to keep it the same across the board... (don't invite one peron's husband/wife and not the others).
If you are looking to open up the guest list, offer to have the rehearsal at an alternate location. Or... think about having the rehearsal early and doing a lunch... always less expensive. Or maybe just coctails and finger foods... always awesome. I definitely agree, though, that you probably shouldn't blindside him with a huge bill... be clear about you requests and ask him to be clear about his expectations. I am sure there is a compromise.

Personally, almost all of our guests will be traveling from out of state. We truly appreciate the sacrifice they are making (holiday weekend... long drive... expensive hotel rooms... you know) and we wish we could just celebrate the whole weekend with them instead of one night at the reception.... but we aren't exactly rolling in dough.
The winery we are having our reception at has a cottage on the grounds... we have rented out the cottage and will be hosting our rehearsal dinner/welcome dinner at this cottage... just a simple cookout (which will hopefully not be too expensive). We thought it would be a nice way for everyone to relax and get to know each other and recoup from their long drive. We are inviting the wedding party as well as any out of town guests who have arrived the day before the wedding. It won't be anything formal or fancy and (hopefully) not too expensive, but we thought it was one thing we could do to show them that we appreciate their sacrifice.

Good luck! Let us know how it works out.

kirafiki · September 2010

we had a lot of out of town guest who we would have liked to invite, but just couldnt cause it would be like having another reception. we also wanted to hang out with all of our in town guests too. so, we had a rehersal dinner at a restaraunt and then invited everyone to join us at a bakery for desert. Everone was on their own as far as cost, but it was great to get to hang out and for extended family to get to hang out and see eachother after travelling.

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