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Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed)

M&R7111M&R7111
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in Moms and Maids
I always have to laugh at the people who post on here and go:

"My BMs don't want to do ANYTHING wedding related!  I'm kicking them out"

I've got quite the opposite issue here.  I wasn't going to have BMs, but I've asked FI's cousin and my SIL to be in the wedding after some thought. 

I really have no interest in the "planning" part of the wedding (seriously, someone else plan this thing and let me know when to show up) so for the dresses I just asked them if they had a little black dress to wear it - as long as it was cocktail length and not to the floor.

FI's cousin was in town for TG dinner and was disappointed that I didn't want her to do more.  She was like "when I come home (from college) for Xmas break we should go shopping - even if its just for my dress - and maybe we can make sashes for me and your SIL to wear so we are more uniform - and we can do this and that and this and that...."

How strange is it - my BM is more excited than me about the wedding planning - and all she talks about is the wedding!  Not that I mind - maybe they will get me more excited.  Maybe it's because she's 21 and young?  I dunno.
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Re: Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed)

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some people out there are just "party planners", they just love organizing parties. My aunts are like this and it gets to be a PITA sometimes because they will fight with one another about something insignificant. But basically, you still control on how much you want them to help you (if they are offering). If you really are a "do it your way" kind of person than its always best to politely tell the person that you have things handled, if you have zero interest and figured hey, if they want to do this then go ahead than that's alright too. We just remind Bride's that no one has to do anything for their wedding, but if they are the crafty, party organizer type, that really wants to do something, then it's totally fine to take them up on their offer.
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  • sarahnbrentsarahnbrent member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My sister is way more excited about planning my wedding than I am. She got married right out of high school and didn't have much money to arrange what she wanted for herself. My idea of the perfect wedding is to elope.  I am not a party planner and just thinking about standing in front of so many people makes me want to have a panic attack. Too bad she lives 4 hours away from me.  I would just sit back and enjoy that you have somebody so into planning.  Of course my sister knows how thankful I am.  I stress out every time somebody even asks how the planning is going.
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  • kristinmc8kristinmc8
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have the same issue, only mine is just a friend that has taken it way too far. When we went to eat after I got engaged she had a notebook for my wedding, I don't even have a notebook!! Then when I went wedding dress shopping without her she freaked out and won't speak to me now...I am just trying to figure out if I am supposed to still have her as a bridesmaid or not...but I have eleven months to figure it out. Mine is not getting me more excited, she is just going to create more drama. Good luck dealing with your maidzilla! HAHA.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_reversed-bm-issue-just-thing-noticed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:76133dc7-3ada-422d-a1fc-908b9d02c507Post:e69c851a-4020-4241-86d2-4035654f7117">Re: Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have the same issue, only mine is just a friend that has taken it way too far. When we went to eat after I got engaged she had a notebook for my wedding, I don't even have a notebook!! Then when I went wedding dress shopping without her she freaked out and won't speak to me now...I am just trying to figure out if I am supposed to still have her as a bridesmaid or not...but I have eleven months to figure it out. Mine is not getting me more excited, she is just going to create more drama. Good luck dealing with your maidzilla! HAHA.
    Posted by kristinmc8[/QUOTE]

    Wow, that's a crazy situation!  She won't talk to you why?  Because you're not as into it as she expects you to be?  Is she married?  Maybe she's trying to live vicariously through your wedding?

    At least FI's cousin isn't pushy - she's just really excited.  I kind of like it because I now know I have someone that can work with me on some of the tedious things I don't want to do - like printing out invites and send them off (yeah, DIYing those).  It's good to know she'll come over and with a bottle or two of wine we can laugh and stuff envelopes.  :)   I'm not looking toward to doing that on my own!

    It's actually FMIL that needs to get off my case.  I dislike going over her house because the topic of conversation is always the wedding.   "Did you do this yet?  What did you get for this?   When are you going to do that?  What colors?  What do you mean you aren't doing a color!?  What about the BM dresses?  Black!?    Wearing their own dresses??  what?"

    I really don't want to discuss my wedding!  I'm not into colors and themes and favors and all.  It's going to be a 15 min ceremony with an open bar, dinner, and dancing.   What more do people want to know?  What else is there to plan?
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_reversed-bm-issue-just-thing-noticed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:76133dc7-3ada-422d-a1fc-908b9d02c507Post:28328abb-782b-44c8-9c11-bd0d238b1f9a">Re: Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister is way more excited about planning my wedding than I am. She got married right out of high school and didn't have much money to arrange what she wanted for herself. My idea of the perfect wedding is to elope.  <strong>I am not a party planner and just thinking about standing in front of so many people makes me want to have a panic attack.</strong> Too bad she lives 4 hours away from me.  I would just sit back and enjoy that you have somebody so into planning.  Of course my sister knows how thankful I am.  I stress out every time somebody even asks how the planning is going.
    Posted by sarahnbrent[/QUOTE]


    I am really not going to like being the center of attention.  I honestly freak out thinking of having to walk down the isle.  I don't mind walking to my FI - just wish everyone else wasn't there watching me!

    And then the first dance!!! I'm thinking about just having everyone join in with the first dance after the first 15 seconds. 

    Or I can just be pretty "toasty" before all of this happens.  Then I'm fine. :)
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe let her take charge of something that doesn't really matter to you, but she could have fun with, like arranging the photos for a snapfish guestbook or designing programs.
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  • kristinmc8kristinmc8
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_reversed-bm-issue-just-thing-noticed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:76133dc7-3ada-422d-a1fc-908b9d02c507Post:744f5bd7-2253-4bd1-b134-a6e01b203e76">Re: Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reversed BM issue (just a thing I noticed) : Wow, that's a crazy situation!  She won't talk to you why?  Because you're not as into it as she expects you to be?  Is she married?  Maybe she's trying to live vicariously through your wedding? At least FI's cousin isn't pushy - she's just really excited.  I kind of like it because I now know I have someone that can work with me on some of the tedious things I don't want to do - like printing out invites and send them off (yeah, DIYing those).  It's good to know she'll come over and with a bottle or two of wine we can laugh and stuff envelopes.  :)   I'm not looking toward to doing that on my own! It's actually FMIL that needs to get off my case.  I dislike going over her house because the topic of conversation is always the wedding.   "Did you do this yet?  What did you get for this?   When are you going to do that?  What colors?  What do you mean you aren't doing a color!?  What about the BM dresses?  Black!?    Wearing their own dresses??  what?" I really don't want to discuss my wedding!  I'm not into colors and themes and favors and all.  It's going to be a 15 min ceremony with an open bar, dinner, and dancing.   What more do people want to know?  What else is there to plan?
    Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

    She is just mad she didn't get invited to go. So I will probably be down one bridesmaid, because if she is making that a big deal then there is no telling what other type of drama she will start. No she is not married, and she probably won't be getting married for a while because her boyfriend is in law school, so you're exactly right that she's living through me, but she's being way too pushy and rude.
     
    I am glad she has been able to get you excited about everything though, and it certainly will help out that she is so willing to provide any assistance you need! Your plan to stuff envelopes together will be a huge help I am sure!

    I know exactly what you mean, ours is going to be a small, simple beach wedding with the reception at the house and people can't understand why I don't want a sit down 7 course meal and DJ. They act like not having a DJ is the end of the world!!  My bridesmaids will have the same dress, but I am definitely not as into planning every detail down to the last second as most brides. I guess we are just different :) I would just try to ignore the FMIL as much as possible, or get your fiance to explain that it is a simple wedding and that is how you both want it!
     
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