The Situation

kbarker719 · September 2010

So our banquet hall holds between 230 and 250. I had my list done for a while, and my mom's list was done for a while. I had to send out those invites first because the shower was being held earlier than normal due to crazy schedules. I talked with my FI over several weeks and his list held at 100 for an entire month (my mom's list combined with my list was approx 150). That worked out well for the numbers, knowing some people would not be able to make it. Weeks went by and I had ordered the invites, sent out the first 2 lists of invitations due to the shower situation (I didn't want to invite people to the shower before they knew they were invited to the wedding). Anyway, right before FI gives me the list he realizes he has forgotten several people, which ended up bumping up our list by 44 more people! There was no way to slim down the lists that had already gone out, and I was caught in a situation...we talked about it, and having no easy solution we sent out the invitations anyway. That's a total now of 306 people invited to a reception where the max is 250. Did anyone else find themselves in this situation? I just need to be talked off the ledge here. What was your rejection rate? What's done is done. The correction could be expensive, but we'll deal with it. I'm just wondering if brides out there have experienced the "normal" 30% rejection (can't make it) rate, or did anyone have 100% of people accept? What has been your experience? Just so you know, the 306 includes the priests, DJ, photographers, videographers, fiddle guy, and various other staff.

vsgal · September 2010

You need to talk to your venue. If they can't expand the space and accept the additional 60 people, you have to find another venue that can facilitate your growing guest list. Venues have capacity limits for a lot of reasons. The main one is capacity maxes. They will not bend this rule. Venues get fined, shut down or lose licenses if they are caught.

You can't uninvite anyone you have sent an invite to. So, that is not an option.

Don't count on the 30% decline. We invited 125 and had 118 attend. You never know who will accept the invite. I did not have 100%, but 94% is not part of your equation.

I don't know that I can talk you off the ledge. You need to come up with a plan B.

banana468 · September 2010

What you did was honestly really really really risky.

I think you and your FI need to come up with a plan B asap.

Lisa50 · September 2010

I'm a little confused ... Have you already sent wedding invitations, but only to part of the list(s)? Yikes!

As PPs stated, you need a Plan B, and fast. If that ends up including a last minute change of venue, I wish you all the best. Hang in there!

kbarker719 · September 2010

Yep, all the invitations went out. I sent out my side of the list early because my shower was scheduled early (it was last Sunday), and like I said I didn't want to invite people to the shower before I invited them to the wedding. So, I sent out the list for my family first and when I did that the numbers had been fine. There were 150 on my side, and FI had 100. Those numbers had held firm for 4 weeks straight (I kept checking in every few days). After mine were out and right when he was done getting addresses for his list he realized he had forgotten 22 people, so with guests/SOs/spouses that's 44 extra people we hadn't counted. It was very stressful because I got to invite everyone I wanted, and I couldn't get those invites back if I had to slim down the list, so we struggled with making the decision on what to do. We ended up sending them all out anyway, which was really risky. The RSVPs are due November 1, and at that point I'll have a better idea what to do, I was just wondering what your rate of declines was. Did you have a percentage that couldn't make it, or did 100% of your list accept, or what was the ratio? Sorry about the Jersey Shore reference, I wasn't even thinking about that when I wrote the subject line. My apologies for the tease!

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9caeb2d1-7112-404f-b580-4c4357671737Post:6a8023db-3fba-46f7-9698-a2f356de4a52">Re: The Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Im being kinda cheese here, but I thought we were goin to be talking about Jersey Shore bc of your subject title :)
Posted by Love is Bald[/QUOTE]
I did too...

Talk to your venue ASAP. You might be able to change the table arrangements, shrink the dance floor, combine the cake and gift tables, something. That's a really high decline rate you're hoping for, and it would suck to have the fire marshall shut down your wedding. (And yes, it happens.) If some of these invitations haven't gone out yet, DO NOT send them. That might buy you a little bit of wiggle room.

But barring a potential alteration of the floor plan from your venue, all you can do now is pray for enough declines. You can't uninvite anyone.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Oh, and the "normal" decline rate I hear tossed around is 20%. Some women have more, but most have less. So even if you get a "normal" decline rate, you're still going to make adjustments to accommodate everyone.

Lauren1333 · September 2010

I agree with what everyone has said. You cant uninvite people for sure. You also need to talk to your venue. If they cannot fit any more than 250 (because of fire code) you need to find somewhere else to have your wedding ASAP. You cannot count on 56 declines. In that case you are also going to have to work on getting the correct venue information to everyone as well.

Also, just for anyone else- I personally don't think it is necessary to send out wedding invitations before shower invites. Just my opinion though.

kbarker719 · September 2010

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the posts. There's no way I'd try to stuff more than the recommended number of persons in the venue, so I'd definitely have to look for another place if the numbers remained too high. We've already gotten 18 declines, so I'll just have to wait and see. And pray that it works out. I appreciate the input!

DecoWed · September 2010

OK, so I agree with you and others that what you wound up doing was risky,
That said.... I think you may be at (or very close to) your venue capacity limit but with your date being one week before Christmas you should be fine. I am not far away from you, our date is NYE, and we have already had people we thought were for sure decline after receiving the STD.
Any date that's in a popular wedding/event month (like June) or near major holidays can expect a normal or higher than normal decline rate. Especially in urban areas, and/or when you have a lot of OOT guests on the list.

If you do wind up being over your limit by just a few, keep in mind that not all couples provide seats for vendors who are working the wedding. A meal is thoughtful enough, when you are really crunched for space.

nebbiolo · September 2010

How many of your invites went to out of towners? You can expect higher rates of declines as the distance to travel increases. If everyone is nearby/from the same town, you should probaly plan on your option B!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

Well, we had around a 50% decline rate, but most of our guests live out of state. Also, we invited all single people with a guest and many chose to not bring a guest. Did you invite every single person to bring a guest? If so, you may be pleasantly surprised by the people who won't bring a date.

That said, you can't count on anything. Does your venue have an outdoor space you can use? If not, you may need to look for another location.

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