Too many expectations?

kingofpop · May 2010

How are you guys dealing with the expectations from all sides?

You guys know my rant about the house, and needless to say FI and I are very excited to take that next step. in disucussing my new wedding plans it involved having a simple chapel ceremony at my college and then the reception in a country club in the hills.

I told this to mom who thought it was a great idea, but then referred back to a family friends wedding and said "oh well they will still say that their wedding was better and that we don't have money" . . .geez I just don't even want to invite these family friends they just happen to be our friends for 10 years but its always a competition with them.

I can't stand this contant comparisons and expections from all sides! Are you guys dealing with this type of stuff too?

trueleo818 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_many-expectations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:44af451e-906f-4956-8bc0-a4aed787d011Post:6db8dcff-7a3e-4347-a785-3c5c26590e29">Too many expectations?</a>:
[QUOTE]How are you guys dealing with the expectations from all sides? You guys know my rant about the house, and needless to say FI and I are very excited to take that next step. in disucussing my new wedding plans it involved having a simple chapel ceremony at my college and then the reception in a country club in the hills. I told this to mom who thought it was a great idea, but then referred back to a family friends wedding and said "oh well they will still say that their wedding was better and that we don't have money" . . .geez I just don't even want to invite these family friends they just happen to be our friends for 10 years but its always a competition with them. <strong>I can't stand this contant comparisons and expections </strong>from all sides! Are you guys dealing with this type of stuff too?
Posted by kingofpop[/QUOTE]

I hate being compared to other people esp. other girls. My moms cousins who are my "Aunties" ALWAYS compare me to their daughters. Its like, hmm ok, do i really care?
Anyways, I know where you're coming from and I'm KIND OF dealing with something different but I still feel you sista. My mom keeps bringing up my sisters wedding that was in '99! She tellls me that I don't need to spend X amount on my wedding but yet, SHE brings up all of these ideas and what not. SORRY, so offtopic! But Im totally on the same page as you on the comparison crap

raangoli · May 2010

These expectations will always be there, not just with your wedding. After your wedding, they will compare houses, when you begin a family, they will compare that...it never ends.

The best way that I find to deal with it is to come to terms that this is your wedding. They had their moment and chose to do what they wanted. You choose what you want. If you want the simple chapel wedding and the reception in the hills (which sounds perfect to me!) then do it.

It's your day, they should be there to celebrate and share your joy. If they aren't, then it's not your problem.

I know it sounds harsh, but it's how I am looking at things. They have had their chance or will have their chance to celebrate how they see fit, you should have your chance just the same.

I hope that helps a bit!

Hinaj · May 2010

Kingofpop,

You are not alone in this at all!!! I don't know why they feel the need to compare, but I know that my cousin's families which there are so many of them will compare them to their own wedding and it should be done this way, it would be better if it was done that way, etc etc. The only thing to know is that it is YOUR wedding and you should do it the way you want to do it, and don't care and pay attention to those relatives/friends because regardless of what you will and will not do, they will still find something to criticize and look down upon if that is their intent to begin with.

HisBelovedOne · May 2010

We're ignoring them. The both of us are kind of the "family screw-up" anyway (both of us are the eldest, and therefore "practice," child in our families' eyes), so we've been compared every which way to our siblings from the time we were young. As aggravating as it always is, we're used to it. Se figure we're just going to do what we want regardless. We're paying for the whole event and have had no support from our families, so we're just not bothering. They're going compare as they always have, and there's nothing we can do about it so we're just ignoring them and doing what we're going to do anyway.

SonaliPop · May 2010

Well, his sister got married roughly ten years ago in London and weddings weren't such a big, flashy deal. She didn't have the reception she'd have now and she had a nice standard wedding with lots of people. I have no older siblings to compare a wedding to. The only older cousin I have who got married had such a flashy wedding that my parents and I agreed that it was more of a circus or production than anything else...so we're in agreement that that's not what I want. I'm not that type of person, neither is my bf.

kingofpop · June 2010

Yeah I know, thats what I keep telling myself that it doesn't even matter. It's so weird that its a standard to just compare. Haha I am hoping that everyone just gets super smashed and has a good time dancing that it was just fun...nothing fancy just FUN.

It's so crazy I really don't want a circus wedding and I have always been simple so hopefully everyone will understand that. I know at the bridal shower (at the new house!!) I will tell everyone our vision and if they don't like it, then screw them!

Too many expectations?

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