Resolved :)

Classic_amity · February 2010

Thanks.

nyrek · February 2010

Not to be mean...but yes...you were an idiot.

I know this...because I also was an idiot. Last spring break we took my kids up to Frankenmuth, MI. (My kids had already informed me he had the ring.) Everywhere we went was this perfect opportunity for him to propose: We took the horse-drawn carriage around the city; standing on the old covered bridge overlooking the river, hanging out under the clock tower...etc. He never proposed and instead acted like a jerk the whole time.

When we got home, I yelled at him for being a jerk and making everyone's vacation suck a bit. He told me that he had been nervous and as I'm yelling at him for being a jerk...he pulls out the ring box and says this is why he was nervous! I told him to put it away...and not to propose to me like that. I wanted romance, dammit!

Over a month later...still nothing. It took him until May 18 to finally get the nerve up to ask me. It was my own fault! He tried to propose and I was a baby who wanted some "perfect" setting instead of just letting it happen. In turn, he was more hesitant than ever to propose because he felt like he had to live up to some great expectation of mine.

I still apologize for putting him through that...and it all worked out for us in the long run. But you don't have to keep anything secret...there's nothing wrong with admitting that you were an idiot and told him to put the ring away. He may start realizing that you are ready and willing to be his fiance.

Word of advice, though: Don't try to force it or control the way it happens...just let it happen. You will be happier that you did.

Good luck with everything! Hope it all works out!

aggiebug · February 2010

I think you have a right to say he needs to ask your dad's permission, but timing is his deal.

Don't make this out to be more dramatic than it really is. He asked you said "not yet", so now he will ask again some other time (AFTER he asks for permission) So just relax enjoy school and dont think about a ring. A ring is just a symbol not the center of a relationship or an engagement.

JessWG · February 2010

My dad [and myself] were really upset that FI didn't ask for his blessing - but I would so rather have had the proposal with a fluke rather than turning it down and having to wait and hide it from everyone.

MelanieK2011 · February 2010

I think you should stop being so hard on yourself - it's understandable that you were disappointed because it wasn't exactly what you wanted/how you pictured it, and maybe your reaction was a little bit over the top, but what's done is done at this point. Just remember that you will still eventually marry him - those plans haven't changed! You can still dream about your wedding, and be excited to be surprised when he proposes for real. I hope this makes sense and maybe makes you feel a little bit better.

luckyme502 · February 2010

I don't think you are an idiot because you said no, I think you are an attention seeking drama queen because of your whole post.

You are jealous because your brother and his girlfriend are making wedding plans when they have been together for 2 years, and you aren't engaged. Really, just stick with your plan and don't worry about them so much. And who cares if they get engaged and married before you? It's not a contest, you are the one who wanted to wait until you graduated and they can get engaged and married when ever they want too.

If you know your boyfriend is going to ask you again, why are so upset? It's not like he's leaving you.

And why is it that you are getting mad and bitter at the mention of weddings? You are going to get married. Your mom and sister should know or you could tell them that you will probably get engaged right after graduation so you can talk about weddings with them and get excited.

Classic_amity · February 2010

Thanks for the helpful posts. Although, luckyme502; I am confident no one in my personal life sees me as a drama queen - if anything, I tend to fall under the radar. Not that I need to tell you specifics, but if you knew how important my dad is and how much we've been through together, I think you'd get why it was a bigger than big deal to me. As such, you'd also maybe understand why I had a nervous freakout. So yeah, I didn't appreciate your name calling as that's always unnecessary, even on a playground.

I am far from jealous of my brother - more so, the excitement of openly talking about a wedding hyped me up about them, leaving my boyfriend to conclude that I was trying to 'send him signals.' PS: I'm mad and bitter at myself, for getting myself stuck into this bind.

I guess you could say watching my mom get all worked up about my brother's wedding kind of turned the tables... I'm a pretty private person so I never thought I could talk about wedding planning so openly with my mom even though an engagement had not even occurred. I always imagined the phrase "counting your eggs before they're hatched" coming out of her mouth... so watching my brother's girlfriend so casually discussing a wedding (without an engagement in place) with my mom kind of shocked me.

You all make sense and I've since started openly telling my mom and sister that I am confident I will be engaged sooner than they think. They tell me I'm silly but whatever, I can just chuckle to myself inside my head.

sawahleee · February 2010

awwww =( Try not to be too hard on yourself. What happened happened and you cannot change that now. You might want to apologize to your BF like nyrek said. But other than that, just focus on school and enjoy your senior year

luckyme502 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_major-dramatic-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:9ba8912a-9277-4ab4-b85f-5503790a1904Post:ebb0bebd-85aa-41b0-b056-9a299dab03bb">Major dramatic story.</a>:
[QUOTE]So. I have always told my boyfriend that I wanted to wait until I graduated this Spring to get engaged. It just seemed right.... a milestone celebrated with another milestone. Plus, we're backpacking around Europe afterwards so it will be super romantic.
My brother's girlfriend of 2 years has been moaning and groaning about weddings for a year now. She wants a ring. Bad. It makes me mad because it totally downplays how long me and my guy have been together and my mother now talks weddings all the time with her. I'm the youngest but I've been with my guy for 6 years. They still don't see it coming.
This statement is what makes you seem jealous. It doesn't matter how long they have been together and how long you and your boyfriend have been together. If they get engaged and married before you, that is their decision. If you were an outsider reading this, would it seem to you that you were happy for them?

Anyway... with all the talk of weddings, I started talking about them too. I guess my boyfriend got the idea that I wanted to expedite my engagement and on our anniversary, he popped the question. It was great until just before he slipped it on my finger and I asked if he had told my father who I adore. He said no. This is my one other requirement. Sooo... 1. Post-Graduation. 2. Tell my dad. Neither were fulfilled. Then I had huge panic attack. I don't know what came over me but I do hate surprises. I felt awful for reacting that way and ever since, I've thought about it every day.

That beautiful ring is sitting in a safety deposit box somewhere. I've seen it but I have not put it on. It was like a teaser! My boyfriend said he knows exactly what he wants to do now and he regrets ever being impulsive. He says this time will be so much better. I believe him but these past 2 months have been so rough! I want the ring! I want to tell the whole world!
This doesn't seem attention seeking to you? Your engagement and wedding are a celebration of your relationship and yes, you want to share that with everyone, but by telling your boyfriend no and keeping it to yourself, you can't go around telling everyone. That was your decision.
We've decided to keep that anniversary night to ourselves and wait until it is a better time. Now, whenever someone brings up weddings, I get so sad and bitter.
You feel sad and bitter, but you're not being a drama queen. Stand by your decision. Suck it up and deal with it or tell your boyfriend to propose again. You can't have it both ways.
sister and I feel like I not allowed to be excited because it's a secret. I am even stashing my wedding magazines! I feel alone and I can't vent to my boyfriend because he already feels so bad. Was I an idiot for not being ready because of those two requirements even though I know I am so so so ready to marry him? And how do I last until Spring with this secret?!
Posted by Classic_amity[/QUOTE]

And you titled your post "major dramatic story"! That screams drama queen, especially since your story wasn't a major dramatic story. IMO you were trying to play it up as this major thing, when really all that happened was, your boyfriend proposed, you said not right now, and now you are having second thoughts, especially since your mother is now involved with your FSIL making wedding plans, which makes you seem jealous.

LauraT25 · February 2010

So I didn't say anything when I first read this post because this is a pretty drama-free board, but after seeing the OP and others attack luckyme for giving an honest opinion, I couldn't hold back.

Yes, the OP over-reacted. Dictating time and place for a proposal is over the top high maintenance. Freaking out when it wasn't done 'right' (and it really doesn't sound like not asking your dad was the main thing), rejecting the proposal and deamanding a re-do are all a bit bridezilla (fiancezilla?). If getting your dad's permission is important, fine, but it's a sidenote in your 'major dramatic story',and when added to the fact that you're freaking out over someone else getting engaged and you're sad and bitter hearing other people talk about weddings, it DOES sound a bit attention-seeking. You asked us to tell you if you over-reacted, then got annoyed with some honest answers.

oceana919 · February 2010

Expecting a picture-postcard perfect engagement is, well, just plain ridiculous. Life isn't picture-postcard perfect.

Would I have loved a candle-lit proposal on the beach with rose petals and champagne? Sure. Did I get it? No. I got my FI on his knee in the middle of our unvacuumed living room, after a long day at work, with a ton of packing still to do for a trip we were leaving on the next day, and the dog licking him in the face in the middle of the proposal. Was it perfect? No. Did I love it any less? Absolutely not. The whole point was that the man I loved got on one knee in the middle of the first home we shared together and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. That is what is most important when it comes to a proposal.

The way he proposed sounded, well, perfectly reasonable to me. He did it the way he did (in a "rushed" manner) because he wanted to make you happy. I can't imagine guilt-tripping into a re-do is making him all that happy.

My suggestion? Put your ring on and enjoy being engaged to one another. How is having a re-do going to make the situation any better, knowing all the drama and negativity that preceeded it?

Resolved :)

Re: Resolved :)

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards