Bachelor Party

MHeming · May 2010

UGH! He made an "executive" decision to have his bachelor party TWO days before the wedding, on a Thursday night, to accommodate his best man who lives out of town. TWO DAYS BEFORE? Really? And when I got mad, since I'm sure we'll be running around getting things done and ready for the wedding, he told me that it is not my concern, it's not up for discussion and though it inconveniences me, he's not going to listen to anything I have to say about it.

No replies needed, really, just venting.

Jason&Jenn · May 2010

Sorry Hon! That bites. If it is just like golfing and cards or something it might not be too bad. GL!!

katieanne85 · May 2010

You stillhave time before the wedding, I would sit down with him and talk about the way you guys communicate. He wants to show you two days before the wedding that he is putting the desires of his friends (if that really is the reason for the timin) above his wife's feelings. I would be concerned about that. Is this a pattern? telling you that something that upsets you is not up for discussion is an unnacceptable way to treat someone you care about, either your discussions have worn him down to the point that he doesnt want to have anymore with you, in which case you need to examine yourself, or he is a selfish jerk, either way, you need to talk to him that is no way to start a marriage.
I know you said you didn't need replies, but its kind of concerning. Sorry I hope it all works out

Beachy730 · May 2010

I agree with Katieann. That's a very disturbing reaction to hear that he its not up for discussion. I think you really need to talk to him about this, and make him listen.

frenchy730 · May 2010

Is his bachelor party going to be at night? After 5pm, there's not a lot of wedding related stuff you can do in terms of last minute shopping, etc. You'll be fine if he takes a night off. Get your maids or mom to help with some last minute things if you need.

I would be more upset about his "executive decision" and not caring about my opinion than the actual timing. But at the same time, if that's the only good time that works for all his guys, then you shouldn't feel the need to control it either.

melissamc2 · May 2010

I won't comment on the "not up for discussion" part, because I don't know what you may have said in that tone (if anything) to cause him to jump to that. I'm going to leave the actual relationship issues to the two of you.

As for the party -

Our bachelor AND bachelorette parties are TWO DAYS before the wedding, on a Friday evening, following the rehearsal dinner. It makes sense to do it when the out of town/out of country guests are here so we don't have to miss having anyone there (especially since some are family).

It's really not a big deal. We're all adults and can manage to fend off alcohol poisoning or broken legs or anything else that could interfere with a ceremony. Plus, having done this all before, if you don't have it done two nights before the wedding, you didn't want it badly enough to do it, or it's something that can only be done the day of - so no "wedding prep" time is really lost.

Calm down. It'll be ok, I promise. I think you and some of your female friends should go out that evening and have a good time, too. Relax and enjoy.

Good luck and congratulations!

quotequeen · May 2010

Hmm, having it two days before the wedding sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Personally, I find it strange when people have bach parties well before the actual wedding. And accommodating his best friend is also very reasonable.

poolkat78 · May 2010

I agree that accomdateing his Best friend is a nice thing, but i do not agree with 2 days before, or the fact that he told you it was not up for discussion.

My reasoning for not having it 2 days before - if he's anything like me or my fiance, he'll be useless the day before the wedding while you are running around trying to finish up last minute things. I think that puts a lot of pressure on you and all the work that you are both doing is for BOTH of you. I think he should be more considerate to you. But that's just my 2 cents.
Sorry and good luck!

brilibby4 · May 2010

[QUOTE] he told me that it is not my concern, it's not up for discussion and though it inconveniences me, he's not going to listen to anything I have to say about it. No replies needed, really, just venting.
Posted by MHeming[/QUOTE]

UM this is a huge red flag to me. Refusing to discuss something that upsets you or even hear your reasoning behind your feelings is showing disrespect. His lack of communication skills in this situation would really bother me.

SuMmErKuTiE · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6d008755-6f0b-43b9-9ebd-64890f535719Post:546743cc-e06f-496b-85c7-ba7c88f232a7">Re: Bachelor Party</a>:
[QUOTE]UM this is a huge red flag to me. Refusing to discuss something that upsets you or even hear your reasoning behind your feelings is showing disrespect. His lack of communication skills in this situation would really bother me.
Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this... there has never been anything no matter how heated the topic was that wasn't up for discussion between me and my FI. I feel that is immensely important in any marriage to be able to be open and honest with each other, be understanding of each other's feelings, and be able to talk to each other about anything. I hope you guys can get your communication skills fixed before the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>As for the bachelor party being 2 days before the wedding, it's not ideal, but it's much better than the night before the wedding. Hangovers will be gone 2 days later and they guys should be caught up on their missed sleep by then. I wouldn't worry about that, what I would worry about is your FI not being willing to talk to you about something that is bothering you. </div>

loop0406 · May 2010

I know you just wanted to vent but your fiance is right, it's not your concern. Breathe and be happy his party isn't the night before wedding

anne.azano · June 2010

Could you get the friend to come down one day earlier and have it 3 days before?

That's what we're doing to accommodate out of town guests and friends. It'll be on a wednesday, the boys are going to boston for a red sox game, and I'm going out in newport with my girlfriends... it's summer, so there will be people out and about. Then, thursday is a write-off. Just recover! Then by friday we should be fine to do wedding stuff, and definitely ready to go by Saturday.

I can see why two days feels a bit tight for you. See if he'll compromise by pushing it back one more day.

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