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Best Man Etiquette - Advice/Opinions Please!

ahttcblaahttcbla
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This happened to us today, and I would just like other brides opinions on the situation:

My husband-to-be and I became engaged in October 2011, and set a wedding date for December 2012.  Soon after my HTB asked his best friend since grade school to serve as his best man.  Then in December 2011, another close friend of all of ours became engaged, and asked the same friend to serve as his best man.  The problem is that this other couple is getting married in fall of 2012, so it feels like our wedding will basially serve as "Round Two" for this best man in terms of speeches, planning, etc.  In addition, there is huge overlap in the guest list, so at least 50% of our guests (if not more) will be attending both weddings. 

My HTB and I are both feeling kind of hurt, and that it makes our wedding less special to the Best Man, particularly since he commited to my HTB first.

How would other people feel if they were in the same situation? 

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Re: Best Man Etiquette - Advice/Opinions Please!

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    dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Just because he's your Best Man it doesn't mean that you own him. 
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    ahttcblaahttcbla
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    edited December 2011
    Oh that's not what I meant! We will NEVER say anything or act negatively to anyone involved! I was just surprised at how hurt I felt, and was wondering if I was just being a crazy bride or if other people would be hurt and/or angry as well.
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    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I think he'd be more hurt and feel less special if you unasked him. 

    Honestly, I think it's fine.  Just like there aren't any set duties for bridesmaids/MOHs, there shoudln't be any duties expected of your Best Man.   I can understand wanting him to give a speech, but wouldn't expect him to plan any parties.  If he wants to, that's great.     

    Honestly, your wedding isn't going to be any "less special" because he is best man at another wedding before.
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    rarditorardito member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Honestly, it wouldn't bother me...the weddings will be months apart. 

    The best man doesn't have to be planning anything either, the only thing that I could foresee as a possible difficulty would be the cost of renting a tux two times.  But one is in fall and one is in winter.

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    aleighk1aleighk1
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    I don't get the problem.
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    AriesAngel86AriesAngel86
    First Anniversary First Comment
    The best man's relationship to your fiance is different than that of the other friend. If I was in two weddings, would I give the same speech? Of course not because my speech would reflect my friendship with that person/be individual to the couple.

    I don't think you're giving the guy enough credit. I doubt he will show any less interest because your wedding is second. 

    How would I feel? I wouldn't care, honestly. 
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    rarditorardito member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Oh and for what it's worth, our best man is in a wedding the NIGHT before our wedding, and it doesn't bother us at all.  We are covering his tux rental though.

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    PinkRoseAcctPinkRoseAcct
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    Truthfully, the only things I think you might have to worry about is the cost of the tux rental, and he has to make two speeches.  But really, if he agreed to be in both weddings, he knows the cost of the tuxes, and that's his responsiblity as an adult.  For the speech, I don't think that the wedding guests who attend both will be comparing speeches.

    I really wouldn't be hurt if this happened to me - just shows how popular my one friend would be!
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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'd actually be relieved. Our groomsmen will serve as ushers, formally seating guests. Our ceremony is long and complicated. My future husband is seriously considering having the men wear formal morning dress. I'd like to know the best man had recent practice at another wedding.
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    ahttcblaahttcbla
    First Comment
    Good point! Thank you for your positive reply - makes me feel better already!
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    ILoveToRobotILoveToRobot member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-etiquette-adviceopinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b5043aa-5e52-4ec3-a0f8-2e04f3cf9536Post:99edc576-dd5d-4453-805b-4b322c765373">Best Man Etiquette - Advice/Opinions Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This happened to us today, and I would just like other brides opinions on the situation: My husband-to-be and I became engaged in October 2011, and set a wedding date for December 2012.  Soon after my HTB asked his best friend since grade school to serve as his best man.  Then in December 2011, another close friend of all of ours became engaged, and asked the same friend to serve as his best man.  The problem is that this other couple is getting married in fall of 2012, <strong>so it feels like our wedding will basially serve as "Round Two" for this best man in terms of speeches, planning, etc.</strong>  In addition, there is huge overlap in the guest list, so at least 50% of our guests (if not more) will be attending both weddings.  My HTB and I are both feeling kind of hurt, and that it makes our wedding less special to the Best Man, particularly since he commited to my HTB first. <strong>How would other people feel if they were in the same situation? 
    </strong>Posted by ahttcbla[/QUOTE]

    I don't think he'll look at it as "round two". Think about it like this... your FI and the BM have a close relationship obviously. Your BM and the other couple have a close relationship as well. These relationships are different in the sense that the BM gets something different from your FI than the other guy. The relationship is unique within itself. The speach will reflect that. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't bat an eye at him being someone elses BM. To me it shows that he's one kick ass guy if he was asked to be BM for two friends.
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    pgcppgcp member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-etiquette-adviceopinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b5043aa-5e52-4ec3-a0f8-2e04f3cf9536Post:d3146a9b-7851-4c32-924e-b57bcf6c980b">Re: Best Man Etiquette - Advice/Opinions Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't think that the wedding guests who attend both will be comparing speeches.
    Posted by PinkRoseAcct[/QUOTE]
    Unless he tells the same lame joke <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

    All I can think is that this guy is pretty fabulous.  No wonder your fi chose him!
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    sweetcanadian1979sweetcanadian1979
    First Comment
    your weddings will be different, even with the same crowd. Your relationships are different. He won't look at it as "round 2". I would probably be a bit hurt for a day or 2, then get over it, your probably more taken aback by it more than anything. 
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm scratching my head on this one.



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    MeghannsixMeghannsix member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I think OP is just kinda caught up in the excitement, and confused about something she wasn't expecting.  I agree with PP's, this must be a great guy and good friend, if he's being asked to stand up in two weddings.  Consider the other wedding practice, because seriously, some guys need all the practice they can get, he'll be an old pro by the time your wedding comes around.  Relax, there are plenty of other things to stress about other than this!  Wink
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    stefaniewattiestefaniewattie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    im confused...your mad hes the Best Man in another wedding other than yours? :s Soooo pretty much your mad he has other close friends... WTF! Unless he uses the same speech and just changes the names...I definitly dont see the problem.
    Be glad you have a friend who is so awesome that other people want him to be their Best Man too.
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