He says getting married will be different....

llsst31 · April 2011

Ok. I want to begin by saying that I believe I am overreacting. I justify my over reacting because I'm quitting one job and taking another, (today is my last day and I begin the next one on Monday), I've been working insane hours to complete what's been put on my plate there, we are buying a house, planning our wedding, and am Maid of Honor in a wedding in July. My plate is full. In a conversation about carpooling, my fiancee refers to some changes in our lives as being different. Then he says that it's the same as getting married - married will be different. I have no idea what that means, and all he couldn't explain it to me. I guess I usually use different to mean something weird or negative, but definitely don't see our lives when married as either of those. I'm over the top excited for our wedding. I guess I'm just looking for some commetns, need to vent a little because I'm wrapped a little tight.

missmelanie81 · April 2011

Has he been a bacholar long? My FI is 30 and really...has never lived with a woman and wasnt sure he'd ever want to get married. So my FI has made similar comments before, but not in a bad way. Marriage is a big adjustment...and sometimes men dont know how to vocalize it like we do.

XxKrazy4u · April 2011

I think it really comes down to the definition each of you has as "different"
When i was with my ex we used to have this conversation a lot. i wanted to get married and after 6 yrs was bugging out...he saw no need to..he said, nothing will change. for me i thought he would change, be more into the relationship, affectionate etc. We had a lot of issues...hence why im not marrying him...but needless to say...i thought that this like light would go off and he would be this different person all of the sudden.

Now...dont take this the wrong way... this is probably not your scenerio.. im just stating what happened with me. for all you know its something small like once you guys get married its final and your together forever..etc.etc. and now you can officially start your lives together. its really hard to tell because i dont know you both. but if it bothers you that much..sit down and have a talk with your FI...it couldnt hurt.

Ambie106 · April 2011

I think marriage will be a little different... I mean we are already living together so that gonna be the same.... I guess it's going to be weird to say this is my husband instead of my fiance or boyfriend.... I will sit at work and think OMG Joshua is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with and I get scared,nervous,happy all at the same time but I know I wouldn't have it any other way... Guys can be goobers sometimes I say talk to him and see what he meant when he said that.... Dont worry I know he didn't mean it in a bad way.... ::Hug::

FutureMrsSheeler · April 2011

I really don't have much advice, I'm sorry.. but I think what Melanie said could be true.

amanda14lynne · April 2011

You have so much going on in your life. (I'm in the exact same boat... house hunting, wedding planning, in 2 weddings this summer, new puppy.) Marriage is a huge change and will be "different" for all of us. That doesn't mean he's not excited or ready... just talk to him about it. & in the mean time, try to take a step back and breathe. With so much going on, things are bound to get stressfull! Try not to worry too much... I know, easier said than done!

llsst31 · April 2011

Thanks girls! I know you're right - I'm sure he doesn't mean it in a bad way....It came at a high stress time. Just a guy thing....and how his perspective differs from mine.

mandi921vh · April 2011

This is just a guess, but if you are not currently living together then that could be what he is meaning, that it will be different to live together...

I am sorry that might not be much help, I would ask him what he means by different.

angelsong21 · April 2011

I don't have much time to contribute (yay short lunch break) but I completely agree with PP. He probably didn't mean anything bad by it, but he's right that it will be different, it will be a change. FI made similar comments like, "But I like our relationship now... and later he told me he was just scared that if he committed that maybe somewhere down the road he couldn't still meet my expectations. Just got a little freaked out, but we talked through and and now he's good to go.

bpphoto785 · April 2011

After FI & I got engaged I asked a friend of mine who's been married for a few years if things really change after you get married. My friend and her husband had also been dating for a while and were living together before they got hitched (like FI & I). They said that it did change their relationship, that after they were married they felt a "greater responsibility" to each other. I think that marriage does change things, hopefully for the better!

HillShmill · April 2011

Totally agree with the PP. I hung out with a male friend a couple weekends ago who had recently gotten married (they eloped in Vegas!). They've been together for years, lived together, own a house together, etc and he said things DO change. He said he now feels a bigger responsibility to protect and take care of his wife in a different way than when she was just his GF/FI.

I think men are great at adapting to changes in living situations and day-to-day life but some men do have reservations when it comes to emotions. IMO, your FI is probably more nervous about how his emotions, feelings, and depth of love will change (in a good way!) when you two get married. It will now be his responsibility to take care of you in every way and I can see how that can be scary and overwhelming. He sounds like a great man and the fact that he recognizes how his feelings will change in the future is a great thing. You're a lucky lady!

He says getting married will be different....

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