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am I being completely insensitive??

beccanscottbeccanscott member
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My fiancee's mom is throwing us a second reception a week after the wedding. Apparently this is standard in the LDS/Mormon faith. (His family is, but he has not been a part of that church since just after high school) Which I am totally fine with. The reception is going to be super casual, like, deli trays and fruit plates in their neighborhood club house. That is GREAT for me, the wedding itself is going to be pretty formal, so I'm glad this other thing won't be.

Here's the trick. She is fully expecting me to wear my wedding dress! Not only will it be dirty and sweaty from the wedding a week ago, but in such a casual setting?? I am already going to feel SUPER uncomfortable because, other than his parents and himself, I will have met NOBODY at the reception before, and I don't want to feel even more awkward by wearing a formal wedding gown there!

Should I talk to her?(Actually, usually he talks to her, we don't communicate all that smoothly, and I'm a huge pushover) Or just suck it up and wear the dress? Oh, also, it's strapless, which is not really appropriate in the LDS tradition.

I don't know what to do! Thanks!
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Re: am I being completely insensitive??

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    LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I would wear something more appropriate.  And I wouldn't consult her first - I would just choose another dress.
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    SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
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    I would choose another dress to wear.  You shouldn't have to ask your MIL's permission to pick out your own outfit.  If she confronts you at the reception, just say that you wore a different dress because you knew your wedding dress wasn't LDS-appropriate.
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't wear my wedding dress.  I would wear something more fitting the occassion.
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    rbtrumpetrbtrumpet member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_am-being-completely-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a1ad0079-7baf-46d9-92c0-3cdc50bdae2fPost:0a22b1cd-5258-44fc-aef2-d187a42bcc93">Re: am I being completely insensitive??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would choose another dress to wear.  You shouldn't have to ask your MIL's permission to pick out your own outfit.  If she confronts you at the reception, just say that you wore a different dress because you knew your wedding dress wasn't LDS-appropriate.
    Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]


    I would do this.  Just show up in another dress without asking her, then say "ohh - I didn't think you'd want me to wear my other dress since it was strapless, I thought this was more tasteful, and I didn't want to offend anyone"
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    janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Maybe get a short wedding dress that is less formal to wear. 
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    aperitisaaperitisa
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    I agree with the suggestions of getting a casual white or ivory dress. And no need to talk to her about it. Just do it.  Wearing a formal wedding dress would be inappropriate.
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The fact that your gown is strapless, unless the reception is at one of the stake centers isn't really going to be that be of a deal. I have alot of mormon friends and they all wore thier wedding dress to the second reception that was casual. But if you are going to be super uncomfortable I think YOU need to talk to your MIL not your FI.

    Also the only reason a second reception in common in the mormon church is because Mormons have a temple wedding and you have to be worthy to go in the temple so really not that many people can attend the ceremony. So the second reception is for all the people (usually who are out of state) can celebrate with the bride and groom because it would be somewhat rude to ask them to travel so far just for a reception but no ceremony. Since you aren't getting married in the temple I don't think you should be having a second reception at all. And I grew up in a community where more than 50% of the people living there were mormon so I do know what I'm talking about.


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    emmie2003emmie2003 member
    First Comment
    If you can't or don't want to spend the money on a less formal wedding dress, try a white or cream sun dress.  Or wear a normal outfit and your veil.  Maybe she just wants something to seperate you from the rest of the guests. 
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    kathjack95kathjack95
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    It may be that she wants everyone who wasn't at the more formal wedding to see you in your wedding dress. Why can't you have a picture of the two of you blown up and on display?  Everyone can ooh and aaah at how lovely you were, and you can get off the hook about wearing a formal dress at a casual reception.
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    Jenni.AdamsJenni.Adams member
    First Comment
    edited March 2010
    The second reception thing must be an out of state deal because I'm from Utah (Mormonville, USA) and have never heard of this second reception but my opinon would be to have your DH mention something about how you feel uncomfortable wearing something so formal in such an informal setting if your uncomfortable talking to her yourself, or he could mention that the dress is strapless and you would like to wear something that wouldn't make any of his friends or relatives that are going to be there uncomfortable or offend them in anyway by wearing something inappropriate if such is the case. A lie or half truth isn't really the best way to start off a realationship with your MIL so I would try to just explain to her or have DH explain to her how you feel.
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    beccanscottbeccanscott member
    First Comment
    thanks for all of the advice! I would feel a little weird just wearing something else without saying anything to her, since she has already mentioned me wearing the dress. So I think Fiancee and I will probably talk to her together, and figure something out. I know this is really important to her, so I'm sure we will come to an agreement
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    britne28britne28
    First Comment
    I would just say the dress is still at the cleaners if she pushes you on it.  But like the PPs said I wouldn't wear the dress. 
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    noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    First Comment
    Huh, funny!  I would totally want to wear my wedding dress again, well as long as FI was in a tux or something as appropriately formal.  I was invited to this type of reception for my coworker who is Mormon and was married in Utah.  His wife wore her gown and I thought it was very nice, she didn't seem out of place since it is a reception in their honor!  So if it will make FMIL happy and isn't strange to them, I'd just do it.  But of course, you have to be happy, so if it really makes you uncomfortable, just tell her.  Don't lie about it being at the cleaners, just be honest.
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    agoldhammeragoldhammer member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    It's an excuse to buy another white dress, but this time, casual!
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    CourtneyBCCourtneyBC
    First Comment
    You're not being insensitive. You shouldn't be uncomfortable, and I can tell you I always feel uncomfortable if I'm super formal compared to the rest of the people at a function. Ask if you can get a nice tea-length white dress instead. If you're wearing white, you'll still be obviously dressed like a bride. If you don't find one with sleeves, you could get a pretty white cardigan to put on over it. Maybe she'll agree to that sort of compromise. :)
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