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I need to vent!!

vme2012vme2012 member
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in Getting in Shape
OK, I just need some opinions on if my feelings on this situation are out of line:

My best friend has recently lost about 10 pounds, and she looks great.  I am 5'3" and weigh about 123-125.  She is 5'7" and weighs about the same.  She is CONSTANTLY complaining about how fat she is and how bad she looks.  I was pretty confident in myself until she, being 3-4 inches taller than me and weighing the same, began complaining about her weight.
She does not understand that because I'm shorter, weight is carried differently on me.  I'm just getting depressed about my weight now because of her, it's extremely frustrating because she makes me feel fat.  I am trying to be confident and be ok with my weight.  She's obsessed with working out, and she's my workout partner, and it's great...but when she can't work out she doesn't want me to either...I kind of feel like she's "out to get me"...maybe I am totally wrong in this situation...I just don't know how to approach it because we are so close, we even work together, and she's my maid of honor...a little advice would be greatly appreciated!!
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Re: I need to vent!!

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    nektariafnektariaf
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    Well, try not to compare yourself to her. I'm 5"4 and weigh ten lbs more than you. I could say the same thing.

    Be honest with her, and tell her that it upsets you to here that. She might not even realize that her comments are upsetting to you.  What she's saying sounds  like its stemming from her insecurity. Don't let her insecurity become your own!
    The fact that she tries to tell you not to work out when she can't make it sounds weird, and I would just go ahead and work out. Tell her you don't have time later and it works better for you at that time of the day. And when you do work out together, try to be positive reinforcement for each other!  Does she have a weight loss goal? do you? well focus on that!  You also may have a totally different body type/shape than her and it might be harder for you to maintain a lower weight, or you may have more muscle. Remember that muscle weighs more that fat. Either way, its not the number on the scale is just a number on a scale.
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    nektariafnektariaf
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    sorry.  Typo. Remember that a number on the scale is just a number on the scale!!
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    Sarah5200Sarah5200 member
    Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_getting-shape_i-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:238Discussion:4cd1a30e-1b3f-4264-9761-acd388ce883cPost:fa46a7be-a63b-4b83-b131-5ef4ea9d7404">I need to vent!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]OK, I just need some opinions on if my feelings on this situation are out of line: My best friend has recently lost about 10 pounds, and she looks great.  I am 5'3" and weigh about 123-125.  She is 5'7" and weighs about the same.  She is CONSTANTLY complaining about how fat she is and how bad she looks.  I was pretty confident in myself until she, being 3-4 inches taller than me and weighing the same, began complaining about her weight. <strong>She does not understand that because I'm shorter, weight is carried differently on me. </strong> I'm just getting depressed about my weight now because of her, it's extremely frustrating because she makes me feel fat.  I am trying to be confident and be ok with my weight.  She's obsessed with working out, and she's my workout partner, and it's great...but when she can't work out she doesn't want me to either...I kind of feel like she's "out to get me"...maybe I am totally wrong in this situation...I just don't know how to approach it because we are so close, we even work together, and she's my maid of honor...a little advice would be greatly appreciated!!
    Posted by vbryson2010[/QUOTE]

    I'm a little confused, I don't think I understand what you meant by this statement - is she making remarks about your weight also?

    Anyway, I understand being a little bit irritated, but I would try to brush it off. If she doesn't want to work out, you are definitely allowed to and she does not have any control over that - don't let her!

    I don't think that she's out to get you, but I think that she might have low self-esteem and this is the way it's manifesting for her. Plus, since she just lost weight she might not see the real her yet, she might have that mental image of a bigger person than she really is. I would remind her of how great she looks, and don't dwell too much on her negative comments.

    That's my take, hopefully I didn't misunderstand what you were trying to say!

    Be confident in yourself! You're awesome! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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    firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
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    She doesn't MAKE you feel any way. YOU feel that way because you allow yourself to. I get it.. but weight is a number.. BMI/fat% is what matters.. and you can't tell that by the scale. Accept that you two are different heights with different builds, and she's obviously insecure about her size. Be thankful you have more confidence. 
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    nwinchnwinch
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    edited February 2012
    i'd weight the pros and cons you get out of this relationship. If you find she's causing more trouble in your life than it's worth, then distance yourself. But if you wouldn't be able to motivate yourself to work out without her or you need her at work or in life, then i'd focus on what she offers you and see the rest as healthy competition and try to let your frustrations with her drive you to be a better person and forgive her for many faults, since we're all so very flawed. And remember, those traits we see in other people that bother us the most are likely the same traits that we don't like about ourselves.
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    freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Look, your friend kind of sucks.  That's pretty obvious.  But YOU can control how you take what she says--and realize that what she does (or doesn't) do doesn't impact you unless you let it.  Let yourself hit the gym without her if she's putting you down--stay away from that negative energy.  Also, next time she says something, if it were me, I'd probably say something like "You do realize how that makes me feel when you complain about being fat when we're both the same weight right?"  Don't let her lack of confidence hurt your confidence--good luck!
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    margofritzmargofritz member
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    I agree with freebread . Your friend also may be a little jelous of your happy day which makes her say those things. If I were you I would get a new workout buddy or start doing group fitness classes with strangers. You might meet a new work out friend there. Keep up the good work and remember no matter what you will be beautiful for your big day .

    *hugs from texas*
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    s_hazeleyess_hazeleyes member
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    Next time she says, "I'm so fat" dont say a word! Just ignore it and keep it moving. I have a friend like that. The entire world can clearly see she is no where near fat but she constantly says it so she can hear other people can say, Oh, no you're not!

    Maybe she will stop saying around you if you just ignore it. That's so annoying! 

    Only you can make you happy!
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