BM dress... Am I missing something?

FutureMrsSS · June 2012

I'm letting my BM pick their own dress. I gave them all a color (even gave them a paint chip sample), and length and told them to get whatever they want. This was back in January. My wedding is now 6 weeks away and none of them have gotten a dress.

One mentioned to me how shes been looking but its hard finding the color, so I went online and found probably 15 dresses that would work. These dresses were between $20-150. I sent links and pictures of all of these dresses to them, and still nothing is bought. They now are going to bridal salons and telling me how dresses are so expensive and now they have to rush shipping since the wedding is so close. They are also all trying to get a matching dress which I don't care about and frankly don't really want.

I have told them all of this multiple times. Am I missing something and should do something else? I honestly just want them to get a dress! I feel like they feel its really hard because I didn't just choose and dress and tell them to get it. I don't know what to do!

MrsL2014 · June 2012

It probably would have been less stress on you if you had all gone out for a girls day and looked at dresses awhile back, but now that things are getting close you need to do something.

Do all of you live in the same area? Maybe have a girls night this wednesday and go look at dresses at a bridal shop. Have a discussion with each BM before you go to discuss their budgets. Then call the salon and make an appt for the time that works for all of you, tell them that you are looking for dresses that are the color you want and between this budget and tell them how you only have so many weeks to get them in.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

I think you've done everything you can. You've sent them plenty of options and they had plenty of time, so I think it's fine to tell them, "This isn't the last dress you're ever going to wear. If you don't want to go to the wedding naked, suck it up and pick something." If they're stuck on trying to find something from a bridal line, point them toward department stores or other stores instead. It's perfectly fine to have them select their own dresses, and not your fault that they're not handling it well.

saric83 · June 2012

They probably put it off thinking they could easily find one at a Macy's or something as it got closer. Out of curiosity, what is the color?

If they haven't gotten one yet, would you be open to the idea of switching the color to black? It would probably be much easier to quickly find dresses in black from any kind of store. It's just something to think about if this is starting to stress you out.

Fluffernut · June 2012

I don't think you could have done much more. I don't really understand why they wouldn't get a dress a few months before, but I've learned, not everyone thinks like me. Like saric said, could you switch to black if that's easier for them to find and use whatever color you originally chose as an accent color instead?

purplebear17 · June 2012

Speaking from experience, sometimes "pick whichever dress you like" can be even more difficult than being told to buy one in particular. You are flexible, but that's hard for some folks to understand it it's not what they are used to. They may want to coordinate with each other and are finding it difficult, maybe one bridesmaid is pressuring them to go the bridal salon route, or they may be unclear on what you actually want.

I would suggest, at this point, pick 2-3 options from your department store list that have lots of sizes available and say something like "I know this has been a difficult choice, and I'm sorry for the confusion! In order to get the dresses here and altered if needed in time, could you please pick one of these three and order within the next week? If one of these doesn't work, please let me know ASAP so we can work it out. I know I'm a little overwhelmed with planning and I'd love to help you all get this settled before things get really busy for me."

I know people would normally say that if they don't order, it's their problem, but for a whole bridal party to not have dresses - that's a pretty bad situation that looks to me like a miscommunication or something going wrong that you're not aware of. After you do this, if they still don't order, then you have your answer.

hwoychowski · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-am-i-missing-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:516d778f-ffe0-4e85-a4a3-3cde95ad2d5dPost:7240138d-d178-476a-9429-1b15fe0a75d5">Re: BM dress... Am I missing something?</a>:
[QUOTE]Speaking from experience, sometimes "pick whichever dress you like" can be even more difficult than being told to buy one in particular. You are flexible, but that's hard for some folks to understand it it's not what they are used to. They may want to coordinate with each other and are finding it difficult, maybe one bridesmaid is pressuring them to go the bridal salon route, or they may be unclear on what you actually want. <strong>I would suggest, at this point, pick 2-3 options from your department store list that have lots of sizes available and say something like "I know this has been a difficult choice, and I'm sorry for the confusion! In order to get the dresses here and altered if needed in time, could you please pick one of these three and order within the next week?</strong> If one of these doesn't work, please let me know ASAP so we can work it out. I know I'm a little overwhelmed with planning and I'd love to help you all get this settled before things get really busy for me." I know people would normally say that if they don't order, it's their problem, but for a whole bridal party to not have dresses - that's a pretty bad situation that looks to me like a miscommunication or something going wrong that you're not aware of. After you do this, if they still don't order, then you have your answer.
Posted by purplebear17[/QUOTE]

This.

FutureMrsSS · June 2012

The color is navy blue, and the length is knee length or slightly above. Bottom line just don't have your bum hanging out.

I have 3 bridesmaids, and we all live in different states. I live on the west coast, one lives in New England, and two live in the south but about 2-3 hours away from each other. Thats why I went with the color/length option since I knew meeting up and do dresses together wouldn't be an option. Also, the three of them have COMPLETELY different body types from each other.

Thank you to everyone especially purplebear. I'm going to look into that and send those to them today!

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

I was totally in your shoes. I picked a dress that 2/3 BMs liked. When that became a huge issue, i sent a very clear email giving a length and a color and even came up with a couple general places they could get something like it. I got nothing back. After 5 months of hearing nothing from anyone, I gave a deadline. One girl gave me her measurements and said to order whatever, my MOH actually went with me to try stuff on and one girl did NOTHING. At the very last possible minute, that girl declared that she would order all three girls dresses off a website. They have been ordered, but there is no idea given as to when they will be in.

What you really should have done was given them a date and said "Pick what you want by xx/xx/xx." But thats water under the bridge now, so I suggest you find a dress in a department store and say "get this by xx/xx/xx before its too late."

BM dress... Am I missing something?

Re: BM dress... Am I missing something?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards