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Formality Question

nebbiolonebbiolo
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in Connecticut
Okay, not to sound like a total idiot, but we are considering a Sat evening wedding at Saint Clements Castle and want to keep it as "casual" as possible...but I'm realizing that this venue (being a castle and all), probably isn't one that gives off a "casual" vibe at all.  That, coupled with it being a late evening wedding on a Saturday may give our guests the feeling that they need to be dressed formally etc.

We just like the place since we can do a beautiful outdoor ceremony, it has an indoor option in case of rain, and the food is good/overall great reviews. As long as we don't put "black tie" or anything regarding dress on the invite, is there a chance we can pull this off as a less than totally formal wedding?

Maybe I'm just overthinking this and we should book it (as the other reason we like it is because it's actually available next summer on a Sat eve)...
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Re: Formality Question

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    megbrooks2011megbrooks2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm getting married at St. Clements too and not going formal...more semi-formal.  I think you can set the tone by your STDs, your invitations....the attire you choose as well as what you put your BP in.

    My invitations won't be formal...my dress isn't ball gown but simple and I plan on putting the girls in short dresses and the guys in tuxes with regular ties...maybe even suits.

    I think the whole 7pm reception standard of being black tie is out the door.  You can do whatever you want nowadays.  So, I don't want my guests in black tie, but I certainly don't want them in jeans either.  I think toning down St. Clements is doable :)
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    nebbiolonebbiolo
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_formality-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:22b81b0d-d2e8-4f53-be77-432885428e8ePost:055537d2-4c1b-457e-8689-9dee3bc93811">Re: Formality Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married at St. Clements too and not going formal...more semi-formal.  I think you can set the tone by your STDs, your invitations....the attire you choose as well as what you put your BP in. My invitations won't be formal...my dress isn't ball gown but simple and I plan on putting the girls in short dresses and the guys in tuxes with regular ties...maybe even suits. I think the whole 7pm reception standard of being black tie is out the door.  You can do whatever you want nowadays.  So, I don't want my guests in black tie, but I certainly don't want them in jeans either.  I think toning down St. Clements is doable :)
    Posted by megbrooks2011[/QUOTE]

    Thank you. I needed to hear this! I hope I don't overthink and second guess <strong>everything </strong>over the next year.
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    Whippet8Whippet8 member
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    edited December 2011
    to be honest, if i got an invitation for a sat evening wedding at st clements castle...i would definitely wear a black dress (knee or tea length) and I would make DH wear black pants, a shirt and a tie.

    ...assuming there was no mention of black tie on the invitation.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's going to be in how you present the rest of the details that you can make sure it's conveyed that the reception isn't formal.

    Things like informal STDs (if you send them), informal invitations, an informal wedding website and then spreading the info via word of mouth let guests know that they don't need to be in formal attire.
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    megbrooks2011megbrooks2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    Don't worry - I went thru the same thing.  My mom had her heart set on me showing up in a horse drawn carriage...I am SOOO far from the princess type and it made me question my decision and what people would think/expect.

    But everyone that is invited to the wedding knows me and knows my taste and should hopefully know the tone I want...I want people to have fun, I associate black tie with being stuffy and it's not what I want.

    Although even if people showed up black tie, I've been to plenty of black tie events and they aren't what they use to be either.  The dress is formal, the people aren't.
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
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    edited December 2011
    In what way do you want to keep this casual?
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    nebbiolonebbiolo
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_formality-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:22b81b0d-d2e8-4f53-be77-432885428e8ePost:3cdfb93a-2886-4b89-b1c6-cb4ee7d219b9">Re: Formality Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't worry - I went thru the same thing.  My mom had her heart set on me showing up in a horse drawn carriage...I am SOOO far from the princess type and it made me question my decision and what people would think/expect. But everyone that is invited to the wedding knows me and knows my taste and should hopefully know the tone I want...I want people to have fun, I associate black tie with being stuffy and it's not what I want. Although even if people showed up black tie, I've been to plenty of black tie events and they aren't what they use to be either.  The dress is formal, the people aren't.
    Posted by megbrooks2011[/QUOTE]
    Oh geez! This is exactly what I'm concerned with, but hopefully our friends and family know us well enough that we aren't the formal type.
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    sarahmraleysarahmraley
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    edited December 2011
    Yay St. Clements brides!! :)  
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    ttbeachttbeach member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe put something on your wedding website if you have one.  That way your guests can see that you are looking to hold something more causual. 
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    nebbiolonebbiolo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_formality-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:22b81b0d-d2e8-4f53-be77-432885428e8ePost:b9399141-6f54-4516-9917-1942b5a28d37">Re: Formality Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe put something on your wedding website if you have one.  That way your guests can see that you are looking to hold something more causual. 
    Posted by ttbeach[/QUOTE]

    This is what we will do! Thanks!
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    wrdgirlwrdgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe when you word your invitations make it more "fun" and "semi-formal" or "casual" so that people can get the idea from that.  If you use a lot of fancy formal deco and nice wording then it may appear to be a formal event.

    Good luck!
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had a 7:00pm Saturday evening reception and no one showed up in a tux or anything like that. The only guys in tuxes were DH, the WP, and my dad. The rest of the men were in suits or shirts and ties.

    I wouldn't worry about it too much, yes people will definitely dress up, but unless the invitations states black tie, I don't think you need to worry about people getting overly dressed.
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