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HELP! How do I deal with my soon to be sister in law who is also a bridesmaid?

beckahnoel1beckahnoel1
First Comment
in Wedding Party

I invited my soon to be sister in law to be a bridesmaid. When I invited her to be a part of the wedding party her and I got along really well. Recently she has become really self involved and mean towards me, my future husband, and the wedding. She also cannot commit to anything. I would not be surprised if the day before or the day of the wedding she decided she did not want to particpate.

How do I deal with this?

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Re: HELP! How do I deal with my soon to be sister in law who is also a bridesmaid?

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    blackfire5thblackfire5th
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_deal-soon-sister-law-also-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a798e08-3085-468f-92ab-80527f7cfaf6Post:d7e71c45-c0cf-46e9-b339-e2cfe7c20f6a">HELP! How do I deal with my soon to be sister in law who is also a bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I invited my soon to be sister in law to be a bridesmaid. When I invited her to be a part of the wedding party her and I got along really well.<strong> Recently she has become really self involved and mean towards me, my future husband, and the wedding.</strong> She also cannot commit to anything. I would not be surprised if the day before or the day of the wedding she decided she did not want to particpate. How do I deal with this?
    Posted by beckahnoel1[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Could you go into more detail of the part I've put in bold?

    </div>
    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Lower your expectations.  Decide you will be happy no matter what happens.  There is nothing you can do without coming across as the bad guy here.  She's going to be family.  Tread lightly.  I decided to do this with my sister and it worked wonders.  Sis did nothing leading up to the wedding but showed up in the dress for the ceremony--satisfied me.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    What is she not doing that you are thinking she should be doing?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    saxy414saxy414
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Tell her what you would like her to wear, and expect nothing more.  Keep smiling, because no matter how you feel about her, she'll be family after the wedding and you will see her at every holiday and family function.  It's almost always better to suck it up now than to deal with possibly lifetime of bad feelings stemming from a wedding. 

    Is there something else going on in her life that your ILs or FI could help with? 
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Sometimes it can be tough to deal with family.

    One of my good friends had her DH's sisters as BMs at his request.  One cared little about the bride and all about herself.

    The other was a drug addict and pregnant.

    Either way, THEY looked bad at the wedding - not my friend the bride,.
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    CurlyGirlyGirlCurlyGirlyGirl
    First Comment
    I guess if she's not in the wedding, she's not in the wedding.  At this point there's nothing you can really do since you've already asked her.  

    Perhaps she'll get the dress and show up, which is all she really needs to do anyway.
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    suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    We might have the same SIL. This sounds a lot like my situation. Just say to yourself if she shows, then she shows. If not, oh well. Don't let her, possibly, pulling out at the last minute ruin the wedding day.

    The mean stuff: It could be that you are talking to much wedding with her. It could be that she likes to be the center of attention. Whatever the case just don't talk wedding unless you have too. Ignore the snide comments and hatefulness and know that you are being the bigger person by doing so.
    Anniversary
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