Etiquette

Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?

My cousin is currently deployed in Afghanistan. I'm planning on sending him a save-the-date because he's my family and everyone else is getting one. I'm worried about coming off like a self-centered brat though. I'm worried it's going to come across like: "Hey cuz I know you're probably busy with that whole war thing.. but I'm getting MARRRIIIEEEED," which is not what I want. 

I wouldn't just send the STD, I'd include a note with it. He's not currently in a relationship so I can't send it to his SO instead. 

Thoughts?

Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?

  • Edit: Just to be clear he's going to be back in The States when my wedding rolls around.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member

    Maybe instead of sending him the actual STD why not send him a care package and a nice letter wishing him well and telling him what you have been up to and throw the wedding date in then.  That way it won't scream "I'm getting married and that is all I care about even though you are in a war torn country, blah, blah, blah."  I mean I am guessing he knows you are engaged so telling him when your wedding date is in a letter isn't weird.


  • I think if you toss it in the envelope with an actual letter (and a whole care package w/ favorite foods or something would be even better) it's totally okay.  It might make him smile when he sees it and give him something extra to look forward to.
  • In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?:
    Maybe instead of sending him the actual STD why not send him a care package and a nice letter wishing him well and telling him what you have been up to and throw the wedding date in then.  That way it won't scream "I'm getting married and that is all I care about even though you are in a war torn country, blah, blah, blah."  I mean I am guessing he knows you are engaged so telling him when your wedding date is in a letter isn't weird.
    Posted by Maggie0829
    I agree with the idea of a care package and a nice note, but I don't think this has to mean you also exclude the STD.  You could send them altogether and in the note say something like "We were so especially excited to send this STD out to you.  We can't wait for you to come.  Our wedding will be that much more special knowing that we can celebrate with you!"  Who knows, the STD might actually provide a few moments of "home" for someone who is so far away.
  • In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?:
    Maybe instead of sending him the actual STD why not send him a care package and a nice letter wishing him well and telling him what you have been up to and throw the wedding date in then.  That way it won't scream "I'm getting married and that is all I care about even though you are in a war torn country, blah, blah, blah."  I mean I am guessing he knows you are engaged so telling him when your wedding date is in a letter isn't weird.
    Posted by Maggie0829
    That's a really good idea. Thanks!
    He does know I'm engaged because he met my fiance at his going away party. He doesn't know the date or city though. I was torn because by not sending him one I'd be excluding him because he's deployed (which seems crappy) and by sending him one I'd come across like a narcissistic jerk.
  • I waited until my FI and his unit were back to send any of his soldier friends their STDs. It just didn't feel right. I think you should send a care package and note with the wedding date, and either the STD or the invite when he is home.
  • In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?:
    In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan? : I agree with the idea of a care package and a nice note, but I don't think this has to mean you also exclude the STD.  You could send them altogether and in the note say something like "We were so especially excited to send this STD out to you.  We can't wait for you to come.  Our wedding will be that much more special knowing that we can celebrate with you!"  Who knows, the STD might actually provide a few moments of "home" for someone who is so far away.
    Posted by bopple321

    That's a good point. Thanks :)

  • I'm sure any and all mail he receives over there is appreciated, excluding bills of course. :)

    Ditto others though if you can send it in a care package I'm sure he'd be super grateful.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan?:
    In Response to Re: Sending a Save The Date to Afghanistan? : I agree with the idea of a care package and a nice note, but I don't think this has to mean you also exclude the STD.  You could send them altogether and in the note say something like "We were so especially excited to send this STD out to you.  We can't wait for you to come.  Our wedding will be that much more special knowing that we can celebrate with you!"  Who knows, the STD might actually provide a few moments of "home" for someone who is so far away.
    Posted by bopple321
    I like this.  I don't have any intended guests deployed right now but if I did, I think this is a nice way to go about letting them know about the date.
  • If he was still going to be in Afghanistan during  your wedding, I wouldn't send it.  Since he will be back in the states, send him a care package with some homemade cookies, beef jerky, and whatever else he likes and put the STD in there with a letter telling him that you are thinking of him, wishing him well, and hope there is a possibility he will be able to come to your wedding.  You can joke that if he comes," dinner and drinks are on you"  Soldiers do like to get happy family mail too!
  • I don't think you need to be worried about being self-centered, especially if you plan to send a longer letter or care package.  My husband's been deployed many times, and I know he would have been thrilled to get a save-the-date for a relative or good friend- something to look forward to!
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