My family and his family can't both come to the wedding, so now what?

amybethj · May 2012

My fiance and I live in Alaska, his family is here, and my family is in Colorado. No matter how hard I try, I cannot find a place or time for both families to agree on for our wedding. And it's not extended family either, it's immediate family. We want our parents and siblings to all share in our special day, and would likely deeply hurt their feelings if we only involved one side. So what do we do? Some friends have suggested that we have two ceremonies: one in Alaska, one in Colorado. But for the second ceremony we would already be married. That seems weird to me, but I want both families to be a part of the wedding. Please help me with ideas!

hercules25 · May 2012

Hi there, I think for your wedding you choose a date and tell the people close to you see what works, who is coming and who cannot make it. If someone cannot make it and they were invited its not your fault they were not there, you cannot hold off being married as you wait for people to work their schedules, If you are important enough to them they will come. I am telling you this coz I know I am from Kenya, My wedding is in Maine and trust me my family will be there and they are committed to it. I live in san diego and my friends are committed to coming because I am also there when they need me and thats what family is all about. Thats why there are RSVPs you know who will be showing up. Now Go ahead and set a date. Good luck to you .

QueerFemme · May 2012

I agree with PP. Ask your parents and his parents, and set a date. I wouldn't have two weddings. Hopefully, the family will make it a priority and come and share in your day.

I would maybe pick two or three dates and run those dates by the parents, and go from there. I know you will be hurt if they don't make it.... but, it doesn't make sense to have two weddings. the second will be fake.

Queen Jane · May 2012

Do you have a preference on where you get married? If so, go with that and let everyone know your decision.

Another option would be to have a DW, in or out of the country. Then you avoid the accusation of "choosing" one side of the family's location over the other. This is what we wound up doing, but it's not for everyone. Good luck!

Cortney1982 · May 2012

Get married when YOU want. If your family thinks something else is more important than attending your wedding, then it is their loss.

acarrick86 · May 2012

I feel your pain. I moved to Florida to be with my fiance but my entire family is in NJ. I decided for my own sanity that I could not plan a wedding almost 1000 miles away from where I was. So we are getting married here in Florida and those who can make it will come, I am lucky that my immediate family is all making arrangements to come and make a vacation out of it. We are planning a party in NJ after the holidays to include all the people who couldn't make it or I couldn't fit into my budget for the wedding here. That will not be a wedding or a reception with all the formalities. Just a fun party with the NJ peeps who couldn't make it - we plan on showing the video of the wedding if people want to see it. Bottom line you have to do what is best for you and your fiance.

My family and his family can't both come to the wedding, so now what?

Re: My family and his family can't both come to the wedding, so now what?

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