Missouri-Kansas City

FMIL driving me crazy already!

My FMIL keeps telling everyone our wedding plans before we have anything set in stone! We have asked her to please wait until we have things finalized before she tells anyone, but she keeps doing it! First it was our wedding date, and now it's the wedding and reception site. My FH asked him mom to please stop telling everyone the details because #1 we want to be able to share the news with people, and #2 nothing is set in stone yet..... and she is still doing it! We have actually told her that if she keeps telling everyone things we aren't going to keep including her in the planning, and a day or so later she said to me "Oh I told them the location you guys had picked...even though I wasn't supposed to". She sounded almost like she was proud of herself. This is driving us nuts! We haven't even booked a venue yet and she's telling his family the date and location. I know this sounds silly, but it's almost making me want to look at different locations all together and not tell her anything! Please help, I'm trying not too lose my head about this, but I think I'm slipping :(

Re: FMIL driving me crazy already!

  • edited December 2011
    I totally get it.  You're excited about your plans, and your FMIL is kind of taking away the fun of sharing your plans.  I all but guarantee she's only doing it because she's excited.  Even though it's annoying, things could be worse- she could be unhappy about you/your marriage, which I've seen too many times.

    If you guys have already talked to her about it, about the only thing you can do is try to keep your plans quiet until you're ready to share.   Until you're ready to tell people your plans, just tell her you're considering different options and don't know which way you're going or something like that.  I wouldn't let it influence your decisions for the date or venue.  But do what you want.  If things change when she's already blabbed about your plans, no one will care.  (And if they do, she'll be the one looking silly) 

    Don't feel bad about brushing her off if that's what you need to do, but don't worry too much her oversharing either.  She's happy, and ultimately that's a good thing.  Also, some of the excitement will wear off, and a lot of your decisions later on will be less interesting, so she'll probably tone down anyway (how many of your guests really care about what kind of roses you have in your bouquet?)

    Good luck!  Hope it gets better, and in the meantime, mum's the word.  :)
  • edited December 2011

    It is understandable that you are upset-this would be a really annoying situation to be in.  She is obviously very excited so that is a positive you can take from it!

    Just try not to talk to her about the details.  If she asks tell her you don't know anything for certain.  She will probably figure out her loose lips got her into this situation and maybe she will shape up when it is time to share some more of the details with her. 

    I'm sorry the beginning stages of planning haven't been as fun as you had hoped.  I was in a similar situation and it did put a little damper on the excitement for me and FI.  However, now that I have set boundaries my mom is awesome. Hopefully your FMIL will be the same way!

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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you both so much for the encouragement! I'm glad she's excited and want's to be involved, but I just wish she understood that there are boundaries. We told he straight forward, we really want her to be included, and I'd love to take her with me when I go to pick things out (flowers and decorations ect) but that she just had to keep things between the 3 of us for now. And then my FI told her that if she told the family the place we were looking at we wouldn't be able to include her in the planning. A few days later is when she told me she had told the family. Ugh! I just need to let it go.... I'm trying, but she actually took one of her sisters out (without me) to try cake and look for decorations. I'm sorry but that really bothered me!! :( And the sad part is that my Mom wants to be included, but #1 she can't walk very well due to arthritis and #2 her and my dad are having money problems. I know it's hard for her because she wan't to feel a part of things too. WOW I feel like I just unloaded on you guys, sorry about that! I'm just a little tense. Thanks for the great feedback and suggestions though, it really does help! From here on out I will wait to tell my FMIL things until I know she can't steal our thunder! :)
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