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Issue with Mom...kind of a vent

tashaballtashaball member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My mom has been on me a little for having a wedding because of the money. We have been engaged just a few months. Getting married November of 2013. Plenty of planning and saving time. We are paying for it all ourselves. I want to habe my mom included of course, since she is so creative and good at planning things. But it makes me reluctant because I'm afraid she'll be criticizing the price tags the whole time. She basically said it's dumb to spend all that money on one day. I showed her the venue we booked and she saw the price. The first thing she said was, "You're spending x amount? Isn't that a little excessive?" I'm thinking no it's actually a good deal with the packages and such. I love my mom l, but sheesh...
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Re: Issue with Mom...kind of a vent

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    tashaballtashaball member
    First Comment
    I apologize if it is hard to follow. I don't have anyone to vent to right now.
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    MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Honestly, I'd leave mom out of it.  I'd rather do things all by myself than have someone criticizing every dime I spend. And when she asks how much things cost, just say "It's actually under budget!" and leave it at that.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You aren't going to change your Mom so either you learn to let her jabs at prices roll off your back or you leave her out of the planning process.  This is your and your FI money so if you want to spend a little or a lot of it on a wedding that should be none of her business.

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    kimiandgarykimiandgary
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    You can try and set ground rules. Maybe no budget or money talk? Since she isn't chipping in, the cost shouldn't matter. Explain you want to share and enjoy the planning experience with her, but you don't want money to become an issue you are constantly nitpicked over.
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    divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    OP, you and me, eye-to-effin'-eye. While my mom is contributing a small amount, it's just like that with her, my dad, and my grandmother. I love them very much, but, it's hard when you don't hear encouragement about how awesome it's going to be, only how much it's costing, or rather, how much you're spending. I do not recommend doing what I did which is get so sick of it when I was spending a week at home doing wedding stuff that I had a total breakdown and then sincerely threatened to go to Vegas and get married by Elvis (there's nothing wrong with that, and some of the packages were really nice, oh yeah, I researched this). It did shut everyone up, because they do want to be there, but it wasn't the most adult thing I've ever done. 

    You'll never change people that think it's a lot of money for one day, these are probably people who think almost any amount of money, no matter how reasonable and budgeted, beyond heading to the courthouse is too much (see: my FI's entire family). No matter the fact that you know your mom and dad were paying off their wedding for two years and you have nothing even going on a card (not that that's a personal anecdote or anything). There's nothing you can do about that. Just continue planning your wedding within the budget that you and your FI has set and try as hard as you can to brush off questions about dollar amounts. 
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    Annas2013Annas2013 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I know you want your mom involved.  I did too.  But sometimes it isn't worth the stress or the arguments.  If you're paying for anything she really shouldn't have any right to comment on the prices, but she probably still will.  
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    bbrujah42bbrujah42 member
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    my mother is excelent at planning things as well... she is very savey with ways to save money and to trim costs effectivly without losing the grandure of the event.

    however... you need to set ground rules. as of thie one event, the signing of your name to a peice of paper and saying vows you will officially beguin your life as a married woman. and you need to be firm about being treated as one. yes you can go to her for advise, but be sure that she understands that it is just that... advise... the finial decision is between you and your beloved... and that's it. this is also the same recomondation i would give if your soon-to-be in-laws start the same thing. I personally have had to sit my Fi mother down and lay it out for her... I have spoken with my mother as well... and they both now understand their advise will be taken into consideration, however they do not make the finial decision and if they get too demanding or pushy about their advise they will simply get an invite and get to see all the planning and preperation at that time.

    you wouldn't want her unwanted advise butting into your life as a married couple would you? how you handle this will determine, for many people in your shoes, the rest of their live with regards to parents and in-laws... be calm, fair and firm... once you and your Fi have decided on something stick to it.
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