Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Wedding Party at After Destination Wedding Reception

vamstadtvamstadt member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Here's my situation:  I am having a destination wedding in Hawaii in December.  It will be a very small affair (6 guests total) so I don't really have a wedding party to speak of.  I am having a reception at home (Ohio) in March for all my friends and family.  I have some friends who are very special to me (if I were to have the wedding at home they would definitely be in the wedding party) and I want them to be part of my special time.

Would it make any sense to ask someone to be in a wedding party for the reception only?  And if so, what kind of role could they have?  I really want to recognize the people I care about so much but honestly I don't know how to work them into the reception.  Any advice is much appreciated!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Wedding Party at After Destination Wedding Reception

  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    A wedding party's role is standing for the ceremony, so I don't think it would make sense to have a wedding party for a reception.
    image

    Planning/Married Biology
    Report Reply
  • frogurt814frogurt814
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-after-destination-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0bbbaea-5231-411c-b39f-fe451e8f8301Post:29e9922d-c8b2-4cf0-bbf8-fdc6c8f2365f">Wedding Party at After Destination Wedding Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's my situation:  I am having a destination wedding in Hawaii in December.  It will be a very small affair (6 guests total) so I don't really have a wedding party to speak of.  I am having a reception at home (Ohio) in March for all my friends and family.  I have some friends who are very special to me (if I were to have the wedding at home they would definitely be in the wedding party) and I want them to be part of my special time. Would it make any sense to ask someone to be in a wedding party for the reception only?  And if so, what kind of role could they have?  I really want to recognize the people I care about so much but honestly I don't know how to work them into the reception.  Any advice is much appreciated!
    Posted by vamstadt[/QUOTE]
    I'd say if they are not attending your wedding in Hawaii as a BM or GM, then they are not BMs or GMs.
    image
    Report Reply
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited July 2010
    There's no point to having a bridal party just for your party. It's fine to want to honor close friends, and it's fine to choose to have a small destination wedding without a bridal party, but you can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you've chosen not to have a bridal party at your actual wedding, then you've given up your only shot to have them.

    Plus, if you were thinking of asking them to buy/wear specific outfits, that'd just be rude to not include them in your ceremony and yet ask them to spend money on specific outfits. And the bridal party's only real "role" is to stand as witnesses during your ceremony, so there's really nothing you could transfer to a reception-only role.

    You could possibly ask one or two people to give a toast. I think that's about it for the "traditional roles." Other than that, just make sure you thank them for coming and for their friendship, and get a nice photo with them. You could sit with all of them (and their dates) if you want.
    image
    Report Reply
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    A WPs role begins and ends with the ceremony.  At the reception, the members of the WP are guests, like everyone else.

    So since they're not going to be in the wedding, it's inappropriate to call anyone a WP member.  All the decisions we make come with consequences.  Your decision to have a very tiny DW has a consequence of no WP.  Sorry.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
    Report Reply
  • CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    No, it would not make sense to ask someone to be a "wedding party" member for the at home reception to follow your DW.

    If you want to honor your friends, give a nice toast to them at the AHR and thank them for celebrating with you and tell them how much you love them then.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
    Report Reply
  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    On second thought, I can think of one thing wedding party style that they could do.  They could hang out with you while you're getting ready for the reception.  But I'd do that casually rather than asking them to be a wedding party or asking them to wear certain clothes.
    image

    Planning/Married Biology
    Report Reply
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    A WP is for the ceremony only.  They are off-duty for the reception.  By having a DW with only six guests, you're choosing to not have a WP.  

    As someone who had the big fat wedding and WP, lemme say this: if I had a chance to do it over, would totally have done what you are doing! 
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think your idea sounds like fun - but no BP. 
    Report Reply
  • TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    Perhaps you can give them a corsage to wear for the at home reception.  I also like the idea of asking them to give a toast or you thanking them in your own toast. 
    Report Reply
  • jaktomjaktom member
    First Comment
    I am also having a small, family-only destination wedding HI this winter and a second, larger reception in our hometown later. Due to the small guest list at the ceremony, we are making my FSIL & FBIL our two witnesses and that's it. 

    However, I too want to include our good friends in the reception festivities, especially since my best friend seems a little hurt that she will not be attending the ceremony. I was thinking of simply buying corsages and buttonieres for the "honorary" WP, letting them wear their own clothes, but asking them to join us for the formal portraits we are taking at the reception (because not all of our family can make the destination ceremony). It would also be nice to have some "back-up" at the reception in case someone gets too drunk/crazy or something goes wrong etc. (Does the WP not help out with this stuff at the reception?)

    Maybe this is "having your cake and eating it too," but I don't think it's too much to ask a close friend to wear a flower on their outfit and pose in some pictures for you. At least for the girls, I think some of them would be disappointed if they weren't included in some way.
    Report Reply
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-after-destination-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0bbbaea-5231-411c-b39f-fe451e8f8301Post:a1af7d4d-c7de-466b-b197-f43a02545150">Re: Wedding Party at After Destination Wedding Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am also having a small, family-only destination wedding HI this winter and a second, larger reception in our hometown later. Due to the small guest list at the ceremony, we are making my FSIL & FBIL our two witnesses and that's it.  However, I too want to include our good friends in the reception festivities, especially since my best friend seems a little hurt that she will not be attending the ceremony. I was thinking of simply buying corsages and buttonieres for the "honorary" WP, letting them wear their own clothes, but asking them to join us for the formal portraits we are taking at the reception (because not all of our family can make the destination ceremony). It would also be nice to have some "back-up" at the reception in case someone gets too drunk/crazy or something goes wrong etc. <strong>(Does the WP not help out with this stuff at the reception?)</strong> Maybe this is "having your cake and eating it too," but I don't think it's too much to ask a close friend to wear a flower on their outfit and pose in some pictures for you. At least for the girls, I think some of them would be disappointed if they weren't included in some way.
    Posted by jaktom[/QUOTE]
    No, not really.  Generally that's what the paid venue staff are for.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
    Report Reply
  • cowgirl_up521cowgirl_up521
    First Comment
    I was the MOH for a wedding reception for my best friend, but no one went to the wedding in Hawaii when the got married.  I still had a major roll at the reception and helping with setting it up.  I gave a speech, introduced as the MOH, did the wedding party dances, etc.  She actually got all of our dresses in Hawaii too when she was there to stay with her theme of a Lula for the reception.  We had a blast, and we helped decorate and had fun.

    So if you want to do a WP for your reception I think it would be great to honor the people you want too.  It is your day and you can do whatever you want. 
    Valarie Visit The Nest!
    Report Reply
  • vamstadtvamstadt member
    First Comment
    Thank you so much for those who gave helpful suggestions!  Especially jaktom and cowgirl_up, I really appreciate your advice.  I'm definitely going to use it. Smile

    No thanks to the brides who gave "you can't have your cake and eat it too" responses.  After asking for advice several times on these boards, I've realized that it seems like the majority of the brides who post are less interested in genuinely helping people and more interested in being judgemental Wedding Police.  Lighten up people!  Tongue out
    Report Reply
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Oh lighten up yourself.  No one was mean to you or judgmental.  You picked and chose the advice that just validated what you wanted to do.  Fine.  But then don't call out the vast majority of posters who said it wasn't a good idea.  And don't ask for advice when you really just want to be validated.

    I.e. All I heard in your post was, "To all of you who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear--you suck!"
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-after-destination-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0bbbaea-5231-411c-b39f-fe451e8f8301Post:a1796377-2d61-447d-a8eb-611d7771376e">Re: Wedding Party at After Destination Wedding Reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you so much for those who gave helpful suggestions!  Especially jaktom and cowgirl_up, I really appreciate your advice.  I'm definitely going to use it. No thanks to the brides who gave "you can't have your cake and eat it too" responses.  After asking for advice several times on these boards, I've realized that it seems like the majority of the brides who post are less interested in genuinely helping people and more interested in being judgemental Wedding Police.  Lighten up people! 
    Posted by vamstadt[/QUOTE]

    You received great advice.

    If you snap back at others, aren't YOU being judgemental at the advice you received??
    Report Reply
  • vamstadtvamstadt member
    First Comment
    As I stated earlier, I agree with you - I received great advice.  Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, it just always seems to me that certain responses are more snide than is necessary.  I apologize for "snapping back," I was just a little frustrated.

    And what exactly was I trying to validate?  I was just asking for suggestions...I never had an opinion to validate!
    Report Reply
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    The issue is that the only people you said, "Thank you" to are the ones who validated what you want.

    Please be aware that what you're asking is not a great idea for a reason.  If you're wanting them to assume the financial responsibilities for a reception then it would be out of line to ask them to do that - and/or any other tasks at the reception.

    Giving a flower is fine.  Turning the AHR into another wedding is not.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards