Moms and Maids

FMIL insists on mother/son dance...I'm not close at ALL with my father...awkward.

    I DO NOT want to do a father daughter dance. I am already struggling with letting my father walk me down the aisle. I am extremely sensitive on the topic of my father and my relationship. My fiance and his mother are super close. Fiance says he is not going to let his mother down because she is really looking foward to that part of the reception. Should I suck it up and dance with my father? I cannot have a mother/son dance and not a father/daughter dance! That would be sooo awkward!! Help!

Re: FMIL insists on mother/son dance...I'm not close at ALL with my father...awkward.

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to FMIL insists on mother/son dance...I'm not close at ALL with my father...awkward.:
        I DO NOT want to do a father daughter dance. I am already struggling with letting my father walk me down the aisle. I am extremely sensitive on the topic of my father and my relationship. My fiance and his mother are super close. Fiance says he is not going to let his mother down because she is really looking foward to that part of the reception. Should I suck it up and dance with my father? I cannot have a mother/son dance and not a father/daughter dance! That would be sooo awkward!! Help!
    Posted by topdonut13
    Are you close with your mom? What about a daughter/mother dance? This is getting more common, my best friend who grew up without a dad did this at her reception. I've also been to a wedding were there is one parent dance and not the other. It really is no big deal or awkward. But you can not take away from your FI and his mother's dance, they both want to it so leave it alone. 
  • kmmssgkmmssg
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited December 2011
    I agree that you just can't take the mother/son dance away from your FMIL and FI because of issues with your father.

    Since I don't know the dynamics here it is hard to sugges something really helpful.  Is there anyone else you would like to dance with?  A grandfather or uncle?  I don't know how involved your dad is in your life or if he is still married to your mom so I'm guessing here.

    Can you share anymore with us so we might help you more?  If you aren't comfortable doing that, that's fine.

    Can you dance with your mom?  You could just have your FMIL and FI dance and make it clear that you owe no one an explaination.
  • IcyriverIcyriver
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to FMIL insists on mother/son dance...I'm not close at ALL with my father...awkward.:
        I DO NOT want to do a father daughter dance. I am already struggling with letting my father walk me down the aisle. I am extremely sensitive on the topic of my father and my relationship. My fiance and his mother are super close. Fiance says he is not going to let his mother down because she is really looking foward to that part of the reception. Should I suck it up and dance with my father? I cannot have a mother/son dance and not a father/daughter dance! That would be sooo awkward!! Help!
    Posted by topdonut13
    I'm in the same situation. I've decided to let my father walk me half way down the aisle and I am not having a father/daughter dance at all. I don't think its awkward at all. My FI is going to have his mother/son dance then the dj is going to have everyone come to the dance floor halfway through their song and keep them dancing from there. Maybe no one will notice I didn't dance with my dad. Either way you should do what you feel most comfortable with.Smile
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    My father absolutely does not dance. He didnt dance at either of my two sister's weddings and I know he wont dance at mine. I am totally fine with that. My BF (who teaches swing and ballroom dancing) will definitely be doing a mother/son dance when we married. I plan on doing my dance with my nephews. Do you have any male relative or friend you are close enough to that you could dance with? otherwise I agree that not doing the dance is fine. There are a million reasons why one half of the couple would not dance with their parent so I dont think anyone will care.
  • bstentbstent
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm not a fan of having all the formal dances that guests have to sit through, so FI and I are doing our first dance and then we'll just open the dance floor. Part way through the night I'm going to have the DJ announce that I would like to dedicate a song to my dad and that any fathers and daughters are welcome to join us on the dance floor. Maybe your FI could do something like that with his mom so that it's more casual and won't draw any attention to the fact that you and your dad didn't dance.
  • edited December 2011
     I used to be close with my dad, my paretnts divorced.. he got remarried and barely sees or talks to me anymore. He doesnt seem to think hes doing anything wrong.. im hurt, blah blah... Maybe people wouldn't notice, but I've been stewing over this for months now. I think i'm more sad than anything, and seeing my FI dance with his mother will just remind me of how upset I am with my father. He's so oblivious, he might not even notice there was no father daughter dance, but I will know.. and others will talk. AHH families are so complicated!
  • edited December 2011
    I know it will hurt either way, but you have to let your Fiance have his dance with his mother.  It isn't your wedding, it's both of your wedding.  While it may be awkward to dance with him, or hurt to not dance with him, it would be wrong to deny your hubby that opportunity if it means something to him.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    There's nothing wrong with doing a mother/son dance and not a father/daughter dance.  If you don't bring attention to the fact that you are skipping it, people probably will forget that it didn't happen.  Heck, my sister did do a father/daughter dance at her wedding and I couldn't even remember if she did.  Those spotlight dances are more for the two of you than for your guests, so they likely won't be paying too much attention.

    FWIW, my FMIL is uncomfortable doing a spotlight dance with just FI (not a relationship issue, she's just shy).  I'm also not super close with my dad right now (I was considering skipping it for a while, but I decided to include it), so we are both dancing at the same time and halfway through the song, we are opening the floor to everyone else.  Makes FMIL more comfortable because everyone isn't staring at just her, and even gives us an out so we don't have to dance the whole song by opening it up to everyone else.  So that might be an option if you want, but honestly, I think you are fine by just skipping it completely if you want to.
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