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Help?! Surprise him or not?!?

momnbride2bemomnbride2be
First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My FI and I decided we didn't want to deal with the stress/making it "perfect" when it came to writing our own vows so we both agreed not to. Recently I have been wanting to write my own and I thought it would be neat to surprise him when it is my turn to say them.

Do you guys think this is a good idea or bad idea?
-K
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Re: Help?! Surprise him or not?!?

  • gromero05gromero05
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would say don't surprise him. This about this: you recite after the priest some sweet, but standard, vows, and your fiance declares his undying love for you in his own words. Sweet gesture, yes, but there's the possibility he'll feel upstaged in front of all of your guests. I think bringing up the topic again and saying that you now want to write your own vows would be better than either not saying anything or surprising him.

    Just my $0.02.
    Anniversary
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  • mmancinmmancin
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PP. If my FI did this to me, I would be upset that I didn't have the opportunity/awareness to offer the same in return.

    You can both agree to do personalized vows, but keep them a secret from each other so the first time you hear them is on your wedding day. My FI and I are doing this, and we're working with our officiant so that our vows complement each other (i.e. so mine don't take 3 minutes and his take 30 seconds).
    ***************************************************
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  • stacejstacej member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love the idea, but guys don't take surprises well. Especially on their wedding day. He might feel bad that you wrote your own, but he didn't. You can always write him a letter to give him right before the ceremony.
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  • HBaker82407HBaker82407
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wouldnt suprise him, if you want to write yours, talk to him about it. see if you two are okay with just you writing yours.
    Vacation Anniversary
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  • Kris092988Kris092988 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My hubby likes suprises, he would find it sweet and romantic. Neither of us would consider it an upstaging, I'm not sure how declaring your love could be a bad thing. I guess it really depends on how your FI reacts to similar things. Would he be embarassed?
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  • Car&RyCar&Ry
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PP. Don't surprise him. But just because you choose to write your own doesn't mean that he has to!

    My FI and I are writing our own vows, but we have agreed to keep them short and will be sharing them with 1 other person who can make sure that they are similar in length and not too drastically different.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_vows_surprise-him-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:24Discussion:cfac6cc3-7779-4cb0-bf6e-ab02d97b453cPost:d18177d8-de10-46c7-8867-3956597acdce">Re: Help?! Surprise him or not?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with PP. Don't surprise him. But just because you choose to write your own doesn't mean that he has to! My FI and I are writing our own vows, but we have agreed to keep them short and will be sharing them with 1 other person who can make sure that they are similar in length and not too drastically different.
    Posted by Car&Ry[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this, and this is exactly what FI and I are doing. </div>
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  • liebescottliebescott
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nooo, my FI would be livid if I surprised him.
    I think it would also be discurdious to not extend him the same oppertunity.
    Think you should chat about it. Maybe do a special toast to him later in the evening at dinner, that would be really sweet.
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