engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??

The Brownings to be · November 2010

I think with the fact that you're even asking if it'll steal your friends hunder, answers your own question really.... Deep down, you know your friend best, so it's your call...
Congrats on your soon engagement! x

jenjen5308 · November 2010

I'm impressed you even thought to ask!!

Any chance you can run it by the bride and groom and get their opinion on it? They'll probably be super happy for you and not care!

LEubanks710 · November 2010

Its about tact, class, and respect (an execution of proposal). If its a few days before the wedding that shouldn't even be an issue, even at the wedding is not unheard of. In fact, I've a friend who was proposed to at a mutual friend's wedding. They didn't tell us until after the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon. He proposed to her as they were slow dancing on the floor, he whispered the question for her to hear only and she said yes. He slipped the ring on her finger and they went back to their table. There was no big hooplah about it, he was very discreet about it. It had all of us, including our recently married mutual friend 'awing' at just how romantic it was. Our friend was honoured that it happened at her wedding reception.

Really, you just need to gauge what type of person your girlfriend is and how she will react before deciding whether to pop the question before or after your friend's wedding.

Good luck and Congrats!!!!

i2012do · November 2010

No this isnt stealing the thunder at all.
I was engaged the morning after my friends wedding. My fiance was going to wait until the afternoon, but thought it would be fun to share the news with everyone that morning (since we all stayed in a hotel together)

I cant express how exciting it was to go to my best friends room (not the bride, another bridesmaid) and curl up in her bed nad share the good news and show off the ring.

My friend, the bride, was thrilled and so was her fiance. We got ot spend the whole day together.... my friend (the bride) actually cried. Only one person said anything her mother.. she said "congrats, its so exciting, love is in the air,,,cindy got married and you got engaged on her weddding weekend"

No one else thought it was a"stealing the thunder" they were married, they had their day. it was done.

think about how you would feel,

mazinggrace · November 2010

No, it is not rude. Propose when you want but like others said do not propose at the wedding.

If you want to keep it low key at the wedding out of respect, discuss this with your fiancee and let her know you do not want to make any announcements on their day. If you tell the bride/groom and they make a big deal out of it at their wedding then it is by their choice to share the spotlight with you. If you know the bride well just pull her aside and let her know and just tell her that you wanted to let her know privately so that you do not steal her spotlight. She will appreciate the kind gesture to her feelings. Then just stay low key then make a huge announcement after the wedding affairs. It is not like you are getting engaged and getting married all in the same week so you and your fiancee will have time to glow about the engagement.

cdichter · November 2010

My fiance and I had the problem of how to tell the family. We wanted to his side all at once and there was his cousin's wedding coming up that would have allowed us to. I was worried about stealing her thounder, but the FI said it would be fine. We ended up waiting until after the wedding at the small family brunch the next morning. We started off by saying 'Now that you are an old married couple, we wanted to let everyone know..." They were all very happy for us and the cousin and her hubby were not slighted at all. They kept saying how they needed to immediately get on helping us plan our wedding!

angruz · November 2010

If it's a or 2 month before the wedding it's fine. If it's 4 days before you attend you are a bridesmaid, you will be stealing her thunder. It looks like you wanted to make sure everyone knew you are the next in line to get married. You wanted attention so you HAD to hurry up and get engaged before her wedding. Please don't pull this tacky move.

weisscv · November 2010

I didn't read all of the posts, so someone might have already said this, but...

You know your friend better than those who have responded with advice. While I agree that getting engaged at the wedding is a bit rude and that you shouldn't put off your engagement too long if the timing is right for you, you know best how your friend will react. If you think she will be upset, then you are probably right; you must know her well if you are in the wedding. Vice versa, if you don't think she will mind, go for it. Good luck!

linds30 · November 2010

You'll notice that most of the posts that say "no" are from people who have done this to their friends, so obviously they aren't going to think it's a big deal. I think it really depends on your friend. Some people might be annoyed by it, and some might not. Is it a big deal for you to wait a few days to get engaged? At the very least, if you can't wait those extra few days, then talk to your friend about it before hand. I think that alone would make a HUGE difference. Just be upfront and say that you wanted to give her a heads up and you hope it won't bother her.

siestaw · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagment-question-am-stealing-friends-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0bc35de4-a340-46c0-a4b9-bfbf7bf3ba42Post:8ae6e812-fbbf-4448-b438-19151dca576c">Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged 4 days before being a bridesmaid in my oldest friends wedding! I had travelled to the wedding and had not seen many old family friends from our hometown since before college. I did my best to be happy about being engaged, but making sure that people knewthat I was there to be apart of their wedding. I got to ask my friend to be in my wedding in person, and I got to be apart of wedding all at once! I flat out asked her if it bothered her and she said she knew that I didnt do to upstage her, but that was the right time for us. it should be special for your relationship and shouldnt be dictacted around someone else's "thunder"
Posted by FutureFicks[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It really shouldnt dictate anyone when you decide to get engaged...good response for you to follow</div>

katykelewae · November 2010

No you aren't stealing anyone's "thunder" (I'm so sick of that phrase, by the way). My fiance proposed to me in San Francisco when we traveled there for his best friends wedding (which he was in). We got engaged on a Tuesday and the wedding was on Saturday. Other than the bride and groom and the groom's parents, we didn't know anyone there...so nobody else knew or cared. They are great people so they were happy for us - we aren't selfish so we didn't talk about it during the rehearsal or wedding.
HOWEVER, if the couple getting hitched are prone to make it seem like you stole their thunder by getting engaged 4 days before, then skip the drama so it CAN be just about you two. People get engaged and married all the time...some people don't realize this and think they are the only two people amazing enough to get married. Just know your audience and do it when you two can enjoy it the most.

JloveB · November 2010

I think you should talk to the bride and groom and see if they will let you pull off an engagment like at alyssalowe mom's wedding...if someone asked me if they could do that at my wedding I would love the ideal...I think it is so cool and at a wedding it is all about love...I don't think anyone should feel like you are stealing the thunder....

Ivy2012 · November 2010

I think it would in a way but i would just pull your friend that is getting married aside and tell them the great news and wait until after the ceremony and reception to go ahead and tell everyone else that way they have their moment.

Redpen888 · November 2010

I think any mature adult would agree that it's not stealing anyone's thunder- you're just living your life. The only way it would steal anyone's thunder is if you make it about you at the wedding by prancing around & announcing it. I got engaged a week before a good friend's engagement party. Obviously people knew and came up to see the ring & congratulate me. As long as you are discreet and turn the attention back to the people you are there for it's not a big deal. Goodluck & congrats!

BustMuffins · November 2010

As your friend I would be pissed. Is it a really special day or something that is 4 days before? Because if it is only a 4 day difference what does it matter if you wait until the day after the wedding or something? People will make a big deal out of your engagement and it seems awkward to bring attention to your engagement while you should be celebrating the marriage of your friend and her new husband. I understand that it isn't all about "paying constant attention" to the bride and groom. But the whole reason people are there are to celebrate their love. They put a lot of effort into making their day perfect, don't take the "spotlight" away from their relationship, your day will come. Congratulations.

anidemirjian · November 2010

Honestly, maybe it won't be such a big deal for the bride and groom, but it would kind of take away from your and your fiance's excitement, because you two are going to try and be all quiet about it so that you still make it all about the bride and groom. You are going to feel like you can't make it the BIG thing that it is, because you wouldn't want to steal the attention. That's why I would just say wait a couple days or something. You two deserve to get the attention on your engagement day, so don't do it at a time when someone else deserves more of it.

megandjordon · November 2010

Personally, I think you should try to keep your wedding as seperate as possible from your friends'. I made my fiance wait until after his sister's wedding to ask me because I know how much I would be hurt if that happened to me. After we scheduled the date, my best friend scheduled her vow renewal for the next weekend, and I'm hurt by that. And it's not even in the same week. A wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, so NO, you should not have to share it...and YES, every girl deserves her thunder!

Ghoti · November 2010

I think if you are using the wedding to tell all your friends about your engagement, it's a little in poor taste since it's an expensive party designed to celebrate another couple, not yourselves, if that makes sense. Is there a sentimental reason to why you want to do it on this certain day?

knsarge127 · November 2010

Think about how you would feel if your friend got engaged 4 days before your wedding. If you wouldn't mind then its no problem. If you would be upset, then its probably best to wait.

I personally feel as long as you aren't announcing your engagement or getting engaged at the wedding then you are ok. Keep their wedding day about them. In fact I would say as long as you are there for the wedding make sure the focus is on their wedding and their relationship. I know people say they don't get a week, just a day but thats not true. If you are travelling for their wedding, as long as you are participating in wedding events for the couple, it is ALL about them.

Lia2011 · November 2010

Is the fiance a bridezilla? Then maybe wait in order to save your friend the headache. If not, if she's at all normal, then go ahead. I would be super excited! On the day of the wedding, all the planning is OVER and all the bride has is advise. She will probably offer your future wife the best advise! Unless your girlfriend says no, then it'll be a bummer of a wedding for you both to attend... Are you sure she'll say yes?

juliecdered · November 2010

YES YES YES AND YES! A BRIDE IS SOO EXCITED ABOUT THEIR WEDDING LET IT BE THEIRS! JEEZ...WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING TO GET ENGAGED AND IF YOU DO GET ENGAGED DONT WEAR THE RING TO THE WEDDING AND DONT TELL ANYONE! CALL IT PETY IF YOU LIKE BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP THE ATTN ON THE BRIDE! ITS DEF STEALING HER THUNDER AND THERE IS SUCH A THING!

nbcarlson · November 2010

I personally do not think you are. My brother got married in June and my FI proposed to me a month before (obviously a little longer than 4 days ha) My sister-in-law seemed annoyed when we told everyone but We had been together for 4 1/2 years and my FI finally had enough money to buy the ring so it was the perfect timing for us. I don't think anyone should have to put their plans on hold for someone's wedding because life is crazy and no one's timing ever coordinates!

nbcarlson · November 2010

But a big announcement or anything of the sort is unneccessary until after the wedding! Wear the ring but don't mention anything unless someone notices and asks! Otherwise you may be stealing the thunder!

AranelEngaged · November 2010

I feel like it probably depends on your relationship with the couple who is getting married. One of my bridesmaids is dating an ex-boyfriend of mine with whom I am *not* on good terms with. I'll be upset if he even has the audacity to come, and getting engaged during the trip to my wedding would be incredibly inappropriate. That's probably an unusual case, but awkward wedding guests are not unheard of. Even good friends should consider how it would make the couple feel. Judge on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration your relationship to the couple

engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??

Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards