Outdoor Weddings

torn between FI and mother

Hello all,
I am completely torn between my fiance and my mother, and would appreicate some advice. We are young, getting married at 22 and 23 and my parents are paying for the wedding as we are just getting out of college this december, going into teaching (BAD Idea, especially in NY) with hardly any money to our name (my parents are well off).

My fiancé has a vision of our wedding in a open field, away from traffic, with a giant tree as our 'arch', which at first I was hesitant about, but am really seeing the beauty of his idea. My religious parents believe weddings should be held in a church, and my mother is refusing to even discuss this idea, planning an elaborate wedding in a fancy church. My first problem is I cannot decide between intimate and simple, or big and elaborate.

I am much more inclined to agree with my fiancé, it fits out personalities and are upbringing in the open country. But as my mother is paying I feel like I HAVE to go along with her. 

Is there anyway to find a balance???

Re: torn between FI and mother

  • Is there a way to compromise?
    Can you have the ceremony in a church outside the city, with the reception nearby in a field?

    I don't know the NY area at all, but if your mom wants a church instead of a specific church I'm sure you can find something near the city that can fit in with both of their visions.
  • is there a way to do a church outside NYC or the city element so you are in thecountry? that way mom gets church nd the rest is in field or country or more intimate setting?
  • Pssst ... OP, please put XP at the start of your subject/headline.  That will alert readers you've raised the topic on another board.
  • What do you want? What's your vision? Not your mother's. Not your FI's. I would really love to hear about it.

    Once you've got that, you just need to compromise. It's your FI's day too so he gets a say. If your parents are paying, they should get a say too. How do you think you can fuse everyone's vision? Then look at your budget, and see what's our there in your price range.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_torn-between-fi-and-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:666Discussion:8b521662-4d7c-4bb5-a8d6-965e3a266b12Post:975290be-285b-449e-9fc8-a2fb76d463a7">Re: torn between FI and mother</a>:
    [QUOTE]What do you want? What's your vision? Not your mother's. Not your FI's. I would really love to hear about it. Once you've got that, you just need to compromise. It's your FI's day too so he gets a say. If your parents are paying, they should get a say too. How do you think you can fuse everyone's vision? Then look at your budget, and see what's our there in your price range.
    Posted by AimeeRab[/QUOTE]

    Agree.

    You need to decide as a couple first what it is that you want. You and him. Decide if you can make that happen without your parent's financial backing (because it sounds like they aren't willing to compromise).

    You only need a bride, groom, witness(es) and officiant to get married. Everything else is just frills. But, speaking from experience, don't get bullied into having the wedding everyone else wants. You will regret that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OP, people responded to your other post on the "Ceremony Ideas" board.
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