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FBIL and BM vent... growl...

DaughterOfHelaman2709DaughterOfHelaman2709
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in Moms and Maids
So last night my FBIL came up to me in the kitchen and said "Jess wants to know what she'll be wearing in the wedding."  I explained that though it wouldn't be a formal affair, I do expect her to be in a dress or skirt, since she is a BM, and we wil be in a church meetinghouse, and that is dresscode. 
 
FBIL:  "She doesn't have a skirt."
Me:  "We'll have to change that." (laughing a bit at this point.)
FBIL: *Huffing and setting his jaw* "If you try to change her, I WILL KILL YOU!"

At this point, I stood up a little straighter, stepped away from FI, and said "I'm not doing this for me, Joe.  If she is going to be so darned uncomfortable in a skirt for one day of her life, then she doesn't need to be in my wedding.  You and I both know, that is the dress code of the church, and I WILL NOT have a bridesmaid standing beside me in pajama pants on my wedding day!  I do NOT appreciate having my life threatened because I offered to buy your tomboy girlfriend a skirt, and at no point did I say anything about changing her as a person.  I am going to bed, and this conversation is over."

Was I wrong?
December 18, 2010!!! Never thought I would be a winter bride; just hoping we don't get snowed in until AFTER the wedding!
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Re: FBIL and BM vent... growl...

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    suz62984suz62984
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    edited December 2011
    If it is the dress code of the church then she needs to wear a skirt. I would go pick out a BM dress for her to buy and wear.

    I think you handled his comment well. I liked your speech. :)
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    tldhtldh member
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    edited December 2011
    You handled it well.  Much calmer than I would have been. 
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
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    edited December 2011
    You indicate that everyone was aware that this was a church requirement well in advance.  If that is the case, you were completely correct.  You stated your case calmly and clearly and walked away.  The only thing you might could have left out was this:  tomboy girlfriend  Wink

    Now, stop arguing about it.  If it comes up again, you say, "we've discussed this and nothing has changed."  Then walk away.  Sometimes people think that if they just keep badgering you, the decision will change.  Refuse to participate in an argument!
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    notyetavetnotyetavet
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    edited December 2011
    Sheesh, if the girlfriend is that worried about the dress code, she can talk to  you about it herself.  I think what you said was great. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think the girlfriend needs to be a bit more worried that she's dating a man who threatens his FSIL.


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    mysticlmysticl member
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    edited December 2011
    You did great.

    Does he have an anger managment problem?
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    frenchy730frenchy730 member
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    edited December 2011
    I can't believe he said that to you.  I hope he said it in a joking way, and not an angry way, but even then, it's a little much... Hm.

    I think you should call t he girl up and ask if she would like to go shopping with her for something to wear for the wedding and let her pick something she is comfortable in.  Then everyone will be happy because 1.) she's dressed propery, 2.) you're letting HER pick, so not "changing" her, and 3.) you're making an effort to include her as part of the experience.
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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fbil-bm-vent-growl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2966864a-69c1-489d-9338-489c62e5831cPost:b177d594-b489-4fe0-970d-453184f9c895">FBIL and BM vent... growl...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So last night my FBIL came up to me in the kitchen and said "Jess wants to know what she'll be wearing in the wedding."  I explained that though it wouldn't be a formal affair, I do expect her to be in a dress or skirt, since she is a BM, and we wil be in a church meetinghouse, and that is dresscode.    FBIL:  "She doesn't have a skirt." Me:  "We'll have to change that." (laughing a bit at this point.) FBIL: *Huffing and setting his jaw* "If you try to change her, I WILL KILL YOU!" At this point, I stood up a little straighter, stepped away from FI, and said "I'm not doing this for me, Joe.  If she is going to be so darned uncomfortable in a skirt for one day of her life, then she doesn't need to be in my wedding.  You and I both know, that is the dress code of the church, and I WILL NOT have a bridesmaid standing beside me in pajama pants on my wedding day!  I do NOT appreciate having my life threatened because I offered to buy your tomboy girlfriend a skirt, and at no point did I say anything about changing her as a person.  I am going to bed, and this conversation is over." Was I wrong?
    Posted by DaughterOfHelaman2709[/QUOTE]

    I am so confused.  When you said "well have to change that" you probably meant we will change her not having a skirt therefore we will get her a skirt.  Duh.  Why would he think there is anything wrong with that?? 
    I mean, weddings are a pretty big important event where people (guests included) usually dress up, and being a bm it should be understood to wear a skirt or a dress.  Really. 

    I think this guy was way out of line for saying he will kill you and why was he even all in your business about what his gf would be wearing. She can ask you herself and he can stay out of it. Seriously. 
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm a bit confused... this is a dress code for the church that the BMs have to be in skirts, but that doesn't apply to female guests?  I would talk directly to the girl and calmly tell her that FBIL mentioned that she might not be comfortable in a skirt, but unfortunately the church requires it if she's going to be a BM, so you are happy to buy her one if she's willing, but if not then you will be happy to see her there as a guest.
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    kayakrunhikekayakrunhike
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto quote queen.  If it is a requirement in the church that she wear a skirt, and this was already known, it shouldn't be a big deal.  I'm not quite sure what was going on with FBIL, is he normally like that?  It won't even cost your BM any money, since you offered to buy it for her.  Let this roll off your back, and don't discuss it with him, only your BM.
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    DaughterOfHelaman2709DaughterOfHelaman2709
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She is my bridesmaid because we are friends, she will be family, and as a favor to the boorish FBIL, Joe.
    December 18, 2010!!! Never thought I would be a winter bride; just hoping we don't get snowed in until AFTER the wedding!
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