• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Gift for elopement?

One for H's cousins just announced that on the 21st, she and her BF went to Reno and got married. We're very happy for them. I know normally couples don't get gifts when they elope, but had they had a wedding inviting family, we would have given them a nice gift.

Where H and I are getting a little torn is that his other cousin (older brother to the wife above) is getting married early September. Ceremony, reception, they're registered, etc. H and I had agreed on a gift budget for this couple. But, if we want to give the eloping cousin a gift, it will alter our budget.

So, my question, since these couples are siblings and are very close to H and me (groom for the Sept wedding was one of our groomsmen) should we try to gift them roughly the same? Or do our original thought for the September wedding and some small token gift for the elopement? Another option I haven't thought of?

Re: Gift for elopement?

  • If it were me I'd probably give them something roughly equal.  The fact that they eloped doesn't make them any less married, and it might be kind of a slap in the face if they somehow find out that you've given the other cousin a big gift and they just got a nice card.  Not that it's all about the gifts, but I'd still feel weird giving the one that's having the wedding something nicer just because I got to witness the wedding.
    image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    "Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
    But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.

    Way cooler." - anna.oskar
  • I wouldn't NOT get the eloping couple a gift, or give them a smaller one, just because they eloped. The size of the wedding doesn't matter. The gift is to offer your congratulations and wish them well in their marriage. So get them what you can afford. If you need to take money away from the other cousin's gift budget, so be it.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • In Response to Re:Gift for elopement?:
    I don't see the point in making the gifts similar even if just in price. Just give either couple what you can afford. Posted by lovethebeach16
    I agree with this, but if the situation is "we have X budget to spend on both gifts," I would avoid "punishing" the couple that eloped by dividing that budget unequally. If you are equally close to both couples and would've given each a gift of similar value had they both had a wedding and reception, then continue to do so regardless of the elopment. If, however, you would not have given gifts of a similar value regardless of the elopment, don't feel obligated to do so just because these couples got married around the same time.
    image my to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • I'd give them gifts of similar value. Adjust the budget accordingly. 
    image
  • The couple who eloped would not be getting a gift from me - specifically because IMO, if they eloped, they didn't want a big to-do and to me, gifts are part of the "to-do." 

    The other person would get a gift, however.
  • Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    In Response to Re:Gift for elopement?:
    In Response to Re:Gift for elopement?: I agree with this, but if the situation is "we have X budget to spend on both gifts," I would avoid "punishing" the couple that eloped by dividing that budget unequally. If you are equally close to both couples and would've given each a gift of similar value had they both had a wedding and reception, then continue to do so regardless of the elopment. If, however, you would not have given gifts of a similar value regardless of the elopment, don't feel obligated to do so just because these couples got married around the same time.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502
    This was my gut feeling as well, both cousins are very close and we would have given ourselves similar gift budgets for them. The elopement, naturally, came as a surprise, so we werent expecting it as part of our budget right now, but I think with moving some money around we can give lovely gifts to both couples. Thanks for justifying my gut! ETA: typos
  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2012
    They're siblings.  I'd make the gifts equal
  • Get them what you can afford. If you feel like you wish you could have given more no one is stopping you from getting them something else later. The summer I graduated grad school I had a bunch of weddings and was broke. I was unable to give anyone the gifts I wanted due to money but I gave several couples a gift card to a nice restaurant for their one year anniversary once I was on my feet. It was so appreciated once all the wedding things are over and the couple is not the center of attention any more.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards