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FMIL hijacked my bridal shower guest list

kaylAmourkaylAmour
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi everyone!
I'm completely confused about what to do right now.
My bridal shower is coming up in about a month. My FMIL offered to help host it, but because she is busy with work, she's not really able to take on any of the responsibilites. My mom/MOH are hosting it now. FMIL knows it will be held at my mom's house, but she is already discussing the shower with her friends and inviting them without anyone elses consent! My mom wanted a smaller shower, like 15 people, (which I told FMIL) and my FMIL is forcing all these guests on me. The worst part is that I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE! I know I'm not supposed to have much of a say when it comes to my bridal shower, but I'm trying to be the mediator here because my FMIL is taking over without even communicating with my mom/MOH. I don't want her friends there, I think it's completely inappropriate, but I don't know how to politely ask her to uninvite them. HELP!!!!
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Re: FMIL hijacked my bridal shower guest list

  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Are her friends invited to the wedding?  That is a big no-no and you should tell her that.  I can't tell if your mom/MOH told her that they would host since she couldn't or if FMIL is still technically helping/hosting too.  If she is, then she should have a say in the guest list...but it should be like her side of the family or family friends that are invited to the wedding.  If she isn't helping/contributing at all, say that your mom is wanting to have a smaller shower, and if she would like to have the extended guest list, that you could do a separate shower with her.

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  • mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Like PP said, the big issue is whether or not these people are invited to the wedding.  If they are, then it's probably not a battle worth fighting.  You get presents and she gets to have her friends there, so it's not a huge problem.  However, if they aren't invited then you do need to tell her "Hey, FMIL, I read on an etiquette site that you aren't supposed to invite people to showers that aren't invited to the wedding."  
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Agreed....she may not know....my mom thought I should invite a slew of non-invited people to mine.  I think it comes down to if she is helping with the cost, and if your mom is will to accomodate a bunch of extra people. 

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Does your FMIL think she is co-hosting the shower? That may be a big part of the problem. If she is contributing financially to the shower, then she should have some say in the guest list. Your mom or MOH should clarify whether or not she is helping in any away.

    If your mom and MOH are footing the bill and doing all the planning,  then they get to determine how many guests will be invited. In this case, your mom should tell her that this will be a small shower with only the closest family members and a few of the bride's friends. It would be nice to include a few of the groom's family members, if that is possible.
                       
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  • ash241ash241
    First Answer First Comment

    I always thought the women who are invited to the wedding are invited to the bridal shower? Either way, if your mother is now hosting/having the shower at her house, then your FMIL should not be inviting anyone before going over the guest list with your mom & MOH. Although the groom does not take part in the bridal shower, technically, those gifts are for both the bride and groom, so maybe FMIL sees it as much of her sons day as yours? - which may be why she feels she can invite whoever she wants? I don't know if that's much help but it's just what I thought could be the reason.

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