Pre-wedding Parties

What to call it? Need a FUN name!

My IL-s to be are throwing us a party rather than a rehersal dinner.  It is mostly so they can have all of their friends come celebrate with us and them. We don't know the friends and they have a LOT of them. We are having a smaller wedding and their friends know this. But it means a lot to his Mom and her friends for everyone to get together. We are more than happy to have everyone around for dinner and drinks by the pool. It will have a upscale beachy feel to it. While it isn't a rehersal dinner....(although it is after the rehersal), we have no clue what to call it...We want to call it something FUN... but my mind is blank... HELP HELP HELP!!! ThanksCat
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Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You can just call it a party. Anyone who is invited to a prewedding party should also be invited to the wedding. Since they aren't invited to the wedding you're better off just leaving out the wedding aspect and have a good time.
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  • edited December 2011
    @SimplyFated, thanks for the lesson. But We are going to do it our way and are still looking for a fun name.

    Not everything fits into a neat little box. When we revealed that our wedding would be small and limited to about 75 people. MIL's friend's who are very generous and open people wanted a chance to celebrate with her and us. They happen to live at our "DESTINATION". So everyone got together and suggested a big party the same week as the wedding and MIL offered to pay for it instead of the rehearsal dinner, since we didn't really want one of those per say. MIL would like a theme and something fun to call it... so I am trying to oblige and figure something out. 


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_call-need-fun-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e4f698d-20e8-4544-a813-9c20c5d1a255Post:9ad682b3-00eb-435e-ada5-38889fedbf05">Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!</a>:
    [QUOTE]@SimplyFated, thanks for the lesson. But <strong>We are going to do it our way</strong> and are still looking for a fun name. <strong>Not everything fits into a neat little box. </strong>When we revealed that our wedding would be small and limited to about 75 people. MIL's friend's who are very generous and open people wanted a chance to celebrate with her and us. They happen to live at our "DESTINATION". So everyone got together and suggested a big party the same week as the wedding and MIL offered to pay for it instead of the rehearsal dinner, since we didn't really want one of those per say. MIL would like a theme and something fun to call it... so I am trying to oblige and figure something out. 
    Posted by BeachBride310[/QUOTE]

    I am glad someone else understands this.  I am in a somewhat similiar position.
  • edited December 2011

    I agree with just calling it a party...I guess I can't think of anything else it would be...
    I do have a question, though...is everyone involved in the wedding going to be invited to this party, too, since it's after the rehearsal?

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  • edited December 2011
    The etiquette is pretty simple. If you aren't inviting them to your wedding, don't invite them to a pre-wedding party. I can't think of a reason why anyone would have to wave that rule, whether your wedding fits in the box or not. There is no fun theme that says - "Come to this party, but your not invited to  the wedding."

    In your situation, your FMIL's friends have suggested having a party to celebrate. That 's fine. Let them plan whatever they like. And they can call it whatever they like. The problem is your FMIL has decided to host it, in lieu of an RD. And she wants to make it a pre-wedding event. This is starting to sound more like an A list/ B list situation, where some guests are not good enough to be invited to the main event.

    Simply Fated offered a good suggestion - have a party. Call it a cocktail party, barbeque or clambake. Don't call it Beach Bride and Groom's B list Bash or anything that relates to your wedding.
                       
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You still need to host something after the rehearsal for those who are taking time out of their day to attend it. I know you said you don't want a rehearsal dinner, so the only way around that is to not have a rehearsal at all.  If you do have one, then you need a rehearsal dinner, no matter how casual.  This is proper etiquette.  You didn't mention if you are having a rehearsal at all, so it might be a moot point. But, you also can't tell everyone at your rehearsal that you need to leave to go to a party that they aren't invited to.

    So, if those who are at the rehearsal are invited to your FMIL's party, then it becomes your rehearsal dinner, which is a pre-wedding party, and everyone invited to pre-wedding parties must also be invited to the wedding.  So if you do it this way, then you need to add all these people to your wedding guest list. It's only proper.

    If these friends of your FMIL want to throw you a party, that's fine, there's no problem with that.  But the moment your FMIL offered to pay, it became a wedding related event. She should have kept her mouth shut and let them host, and you'd all be in the clear etiquette wise.  But, she's turned this into something you didn't want it to be, and now you're stuck.

    But if you're going to do it your way regardless of what we say, why did you post it?  We aren't going to tell you the proper way to do something rude. 
  • edited December 2011
    I must be completely crazy but I don't see what's rude about this situation. These people know they're not attending the wedding but still want to celebrate the couple. I fail to see how that is rude. Now, if it were a shower of some sort, then that would be different. This, however, appears to be a party thrown by the MIL to allow her friends the opportunity to celebrate her son getting married. I would ask your MIL not to include any registry or gift information in the invites. If anyone asks about a gift, this would be a great time to suggest charitable donations or something similar.
    I do think that if you are having a rehersal, then those people need to be included in this get together. It is a nice gesture to thank those who attend the rehersal by offering them dinner.
    As far as a theme, I don't really have any suggestions but I saw someone mention a clambake. That would be fun and ties in to your wedding theme. A luau would also be fun. Both themes are fun events that could be casual and laidback or more dressed up affairs. Neither one has to scream "wedding".
  • edited December 2011
    -Everyone who is coming down for the destination wedding will be invited to the party. Wedding party, friends, family etc.

    -no gifts and when people ask about registry it will be "gift of your presence is present enough". 

    Im annoyed at people lecturing me about ettiquitte because that was not the basis of my question. I was more looking for creative ideas for fun names. Not to be told what I should or should not be doing. 

    I am very lucky and very blessed to be marrying into a family who has friends that welcome me with open arms. Every time I visit, they treat me like I have been there forever even though I have never met them. They never judge or question even though our situation is not like most. The first time I showed up on their step I had 2 small children they had not met who were in the car for 16 hours throwing up from car sickness.We were on the way to Disney. I almost refused to go and opt for a hotel. They insisted I come, They met me at my car with 2 said friends, scooped up my 2 children and all the gross laundry and luggage. 1 handed me a glass of wine while the others carried my daughter to the house. MIL took the time to get to know them, bathed them, and put them to bed. While FI and I decompressed after a tough ride. She tried to send us to Margaritaville for dinner but I was just too tired. 

    They don't judge, they welcome with open arms. It is more important to them to be able to take some time to get every one together and socialize and have some food, drinks and music. They KNOW we can't afford a 200+ person wedding. And rather than make us chose between our friends and FI's parent's friends, this was the alternative. Which I think was a great idea. I get my dream wedding, and everyone gets to celebrate together.


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  • edited December 2011
    Beach Banquet or Sand Soiree






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  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can call it "tacky event", because that is what it is. Period.  If you are not keen to that, you can call it "super rude event".  Trying to name it a fun name doesn't change the fact that what you are doing is a horrible thing to the people you invite to it.

    My question to you is if you can  afford to host this party for everyone before the wedding, why not spend that money and , I don't know, invite them to the actual wedding? 

    What you are proposing is the epitome of rude, tacky and tasteless behavior.  If you invited me to a pre-wedding event and not the actual wedding, I would re-evaluate our relationship real fast.  It would most likely end with me having one less friend.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can you imagine walking around a party the night before a wedding where everyone is talking about the wedding but knowing you weren't invited?  How freaking uncomfortable for everyone.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_call-need-fun-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e4f698d-20e8-4544-a813-9c20c5d1a255Post:28c383c0-87be-4fe9-962a-b4e820573340">Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Beach Banquet or Sand Soiree
    Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]

    <div>Those are cute. If the other people said that they <em>wanted</em> to do a party, why is it her fault its a faux paus? 90% of the guests will be not invited to the wedding (knowingly) so how is it awkward? Oh well...</div>
  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_call-need-fun-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e4f698d-20e8-4544-a813-9c20c5d1a255Post:cdbf07c0-8457-4dbd-87c8-35242d4bf89e">Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name! : Those are cute. If the other people said that they wanted  to do a party, why is it her fault its a faux paus? 90% of the guests will be not invited to the wedding (knowingly) so how is it awkward? Oh well...
    Posted by morenachica110[/QUOTE]

    It is awkward, because it is a rude thing to invite people to ANY pre-wedding event and then not extend an invite to them.  It is gift-grabby and second-class.  Unless she polls every single person that she is inviting to this thing and they are good with it, it is her faux pas.  Even if she does ask and everyone says it is fine, no one is going to tell her the truth about how they really feel.  No one wants to tell a bride that her idea is crappy. 

    Put it in this perspective.  You have a dinner party for the holidays, but you only have room at your table for 10 people.  You have more than 10 friends that you want to invite, so you invite 50 people over for cocktails and snacks. Some bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift or a Christmas present.  Good time had by all.  At promptly 8:00 you tell 40 guests they have to leave because you are about to serve dinner and you don't have enough to go around. That is essentially what is going on here.  Would you do that?  So, why would you do it for your wedding?

    This is entirely OP's and her mother's fault and it should not happen under any circumstance.  If I did not get an invite to a wedding because of a budget, I would understand.  If I got an invite to a "sand soiree" the night before only, I would seriously judge the class level of the bride, groom and their families and I would reconsider our friendship.
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  • agladhillagladhill member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You could call it blowout at the beach, beach blowout, starlight soiree, or beach bash.  You could call it a luau if it is themed as such.  It would be really fun to hand out some shell leis and have little umbrellas in the drinks. :)  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing especially since it wasn't even your idea and your MIL is the one throwing it. (Next time you a have a question, you may want to just google, so you don't have to deal with people attacking you. LOL.) Have fun!!! 

    To PP's attacking this poor lady for asking a simple question, shame on you for chastising her.  Why take the time to answer a post if you have no intention of helping the OP with her question?  BTW, this is not the etiquette board.  Just sayin...
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_call-need-fun-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e4f698d-20e8-4544-a813-9c20c5d1a255Post:bbab7910-c49d-49b6-8014-803375e2fc55">Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You could call it blowout at the beach, beach blowout, starlight soiree, or beach bash.  You could call it a luau if it is themed as such.  It would be really fun to hand out some shell leis and have little umbrellas in the drinks. :)  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing especially since it wasn't even your idea and your MIL is the one throwing it. (Next time you a have a question, you may want to just google, so you don't have to deal with people attacking you. LOL.) Have fun!!!  <strong>To PP's attacking this poor lady for asking a simple question, shame on you for chastising her.  Why take the time to answer a post if you have no intention of helping the OP with her question?  BTW, this is not the etiquette board.  Just sayin...
    </strong>Posted by agladhill[/QUOTE]

    No one is attacking her.  We are trying to help her not make a ginormous blunder and be the laughing stock of her circle of family and friends.  Wouldn't you want someone to tell you that you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe or would you rather walk around all day while people pointed and snickered?

     Welcome to the internet.  We don't sugar coat anything here.  If you want rainbows and glitter, you might find that other sites will offer that to you.  We are candid.  We are honest.  We are helpful.  Sometimes we have to be forward with someone, but that is usually because they are way off base and tell us to suck it when we don't validate them, much like OP did.

    You are right.  This is not the etiquette board.  The beauty of etiquette is that the rules are the same no matter what board you are one, where you live in the country, or what time of year it is.  Etiquette rules are a constant.  They do not change.  People try to distort them to fit their situation or preference.  That does not make the "new" rule so.    The beauty of these forums is that we don't sit back and snicker because someone is about to make a huge faux pas.  We tell them they have TP stuck to their shoe. 
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