Pre Cana Worries :/

samunnel · July 2010

I'm a bit scared of what the priest will ask in our pre cana classes. My fiance and I live together and he's the only man I've ever been with intimately. We're both baptized but he was never confirmed. Will they ask us about this? Would they refuse to marry us if we live together already? I'm so worried because I really want to get married in the chapel. Help!?

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Yes, they will want copies of both of your baptismal certificates. You could have a full mass, but it is usually not recommended bc both of you can't receive the Eucharist. However, I do see that you are almost 2 years away from your wedding, so your FI has plenty of time to get himself into RCIA this fall so that he can get confirmed if this is something he is interested in.

The priest probably won't refuse to marry you bc you are living together. My H and I lived together before marriage as well. The priest will probably ask you questions such as do you have seperate bedrooms, are you careful about not seeing each other naked, etc. That is pretty much what ours asked us. We did have seperate bedrooms and bathrooms, so we told him that. Furthermore, since you are so far out from your wedding, the priest may not even want to talk to you for another year at least to start the pre-cana, etc. Good luck

catarntina · July 2010

FI and I live together as well. We had to fill out a special section on the FOCCUS review and go over it with our sponsoring couple. One of our pre-cana sessions (we had 4, at 3 hours a piece) discussed cohabitating couples and why the church doesn't really like cohabitating couples. They recommended that we move out to separate houses before the marriage (we can't really do that due to financial issues). There was no other discussion about that. The priest actually performing the ceremony didn't even ask.

Neither FI nor I are confirmed. But we're baptized and had our first communion. We both left Catholic school prior to getting confirmed, and my parents didn't have the money at the time to send me to catechism. FI went to live with his mom who was baptist and apalled that her ex-husband had him baptized Catholic. So she never took him to get confirmed... The deacon asked if we wanted to be confirmed, and it is something we are most likely going to do (we missed the boat on signing up for that round of classes, we gotta wait until the next RCIA session). But they are still going to marry us.

The priest doing the ceremony only asked a few questions. He was pretty concerned with whether we wanted to have children, and wanted to raise our children catholic. He asked what we would do if we found out we couldn't have children... We both responded "Try to adopt..." Which he really liked that answer because IVF is a no-no. Then he started talking about stuff we needed to get for the ceremony (aisle runner, etc)

bellashauntee · July 2010

You will be fine. My FI is not baptised and we are living together. You will have to agree to raise your children Catholic. Do not stress over it, the priest is there to help facilitate and make sure that you are entering into a good marriage. He won't judge you.

Karen's MOH · July 2010

We are actually just the same-- living together, both baptized, I'm confirmed. The priest actually assumed we lived together, which totally shocked me-- I was nervous about what he would say. He asked some background info, where we went to school, what we do, and asked if we came here willingly and of our own free will and all that. But it was so easy. It varies a lot from parish to parish and priest to priest though-- Ours is really laid back about everything.

Ckirwin · July 2010

we also live together and our priest never asked, but it's pretty obvious with us both putting the same address on our information form. our church does not disclude couples who live together from getting married in our parish, they just give you the information on the success rate of couples who live together (higher divorce rate than couples who do not) and leave it at that.

it is completely up to the individual parish and priest. i know people who were turned away from their church because they lived together. don't be discouraged, though, you may not get the first church you wanted but you should be able to find another church that will marry you. GL!

vgmartinez · July 2010

FI and I were both baptised but I wasn't confirmed. I went through RCIA last fall and I loved it. I found my faith and met so many wonderful people. I'm looking forward to being able to celebrate eucharist together on our wedding day. We live together and our priest never asked or judged. During one of our meetings, he just went through some statistics about cohabitating couples and how the church views it but didn't even make reference to me and FI. Honestly, we never even came out and told him that we were and he never asked, but he knows because when we were filling out our paper work, we both had the same home address. Don't stress out about it. Even though the church advises against it, they also understand that you are adults and will make the best decisions for yourselves.

samunnel · July 2010

Thanks for the reassuring words ladies! I feel better!

Pre Cana Worries :/

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