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Bridal showers for 2nd weddings?

agoodwin22agoodwin22 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Second Weddings
My BFF got married last Oct and is getting married again this June.  She wants a big shower and bachelorette party, and of course, all of the finances are going to fall on me.  (Especially because she only has 3 girls in her wedding party and she told me they didnt help out at all last time)  I go to college full time, nanny, and have chronic illnesses so not only is this a huge financial issue for me, but it's a major physical issue as well.

Is it proper etiquette to throw a shower for a 2nd marriage this close to the first marriage?  Bachelorette party?  Are bachelorette parties required?

If anyone has input or thoughts, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Amanda
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Re: Bridal showers for 2nd weddings?

  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is perfectly "proper", but not a requirement.  What is NOT proper is her dictating that someone host the event or if they do agree to do so, what type of event that host chooses to plan. 

    You can plan a modest bridal luncheon or a small couples shower if you choose.  You can speak with the other two attendants what they would be able to do with you, and then host that, conserving both your financial stability and health.  As far as a bachelorette party, an evening in a hotel for the 4 of you with in room cocktails and snacks with some music or games or movies is fine.  If that's more than you can swing, how about appetizers & drinks at one place, dinner out at another and dessert at another?  Again, ask the other 2 what they can contribute. 

    You didn't ask about your friend who is getting married.  She sounds special and entitled.  Just remember that you are not indentured servants when you agree to be bridal attendants.  Sounds like her other two friends have already gotten her number and grown their backbones enough to tell her no.  You may want to follow their lead.  Is she on the Knot?  Watch for the "I want to fire my MOH" post coming soon. 
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Neither showers nor bachelorette parties are "required," regardless of whether it is a first or later wedding.  On the other hand, if she is getting divorced and remarried in less than a year, using the same bridesmaids while complaining that they didn't help out enough the first time around, and expecting someone who already has a full plate to be solely responsible for funding and throwing big showers and bachelorette parties, you may want to get out while you still have the chance.  Maybe, "I'm so sorry, Bridezilla, but I've just realized that I am not physically or financially capable of giving you the kind of wedding you deserve, so I'll back out early so you'll have time to find someone else."  And you need not specify exactly what type of wedding you feel she deserves.  Wink
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  • SaraB102SaraB102
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_bridal-showers-2nd-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7ec81a89-86c9-43f8-ae82-b0067c325fb9Post:2d9621fe-a575-43b8-8ffa-a3d2e2caf8d4">Re: Bridal showers for 2nd weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Neither showers nor bachelorette parties are "required," regardless of whether it is a first or later wedding.  On the other hand, if she is getting divorced and remarried in less than a year, using the same bridesmaids while complaining that they didn't help out enough the first time around, and expecting someone who already has a full plate to be solely responsible for funding and throwing big showers and bachelorette parties, you may want to get out while you still have the chance.  Maybe, "I'm so sorry, <strong><em><u>Bridezilla</u></em></strong>, but I've just realized that I am not physically or financially capable of giving you the kind of wedding you deserve, so I'll back out early so you'll have time to find someone else."  And you need not specify exactly what type of wedding you feel she deserves. 
    Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

    NS - Bridezilla for sure.  She shouldn't <u>expect</u> anything from anybody; showers and bachelorette parties are thrown for the bride as a celebration, not a requirement. 
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wait, she got married last October and again this June?  Is she having a do-over? Or did she divorce her first spouse? Or did he pass away?  I'm suspecting the do-over thing.  And in any case, as stated by pp, none of these are required.  This AW needs to be educated.  I'm just sayin'.
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_bridal-showers-2nd-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7ec81a89-86c9-43f8-ae82-b0067c325fb9Post:25856037-7833-45c1-9e6b-7918cf29d903">Re: Bridal showers for 2nd weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait, she got married last October and again this June?  Is she having a do-over? Or did she divorce her first spouse? Or did he pass away?  <strong>I'm suspecting the do-over thing.  And in any case, as stated by pp, none of these are required.  This AW needs to be educated.  I'm just sayin'.
    </strong>Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

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  • MidwestIrishBrideaMidwestIrishBridea
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, I got married in December of 2008 and now I'm getting married next month in November of 2011.  My first marriage lasted a year and a half and ended due to neglect and emotional abuse.  I moved home to where my family lives and wasn't expecting to find a real man to fall in love with so soon, but I did and we want to be married. 

    So while her situation does seem really odd and very very sudden, I can't judge that because I have people giving ME looks of suspicion that are very hurtful and out of line. 

    When it comes to showers and bachelorette parties, she's going about it in all the wrong ways and it does sound like she's being a brat.  Maybe some of this is in her nature.  But also, maybe she's feeling regretful and sad about her first wedding and all the pre-wedding events and how it's tied to a man that she's no longer with.... therefore, it carries some sting.  I know for me, my last wedding was a big to-do with multiple showers and parties, lots of gifts, and a huge wedding with a massive princess gown. 

    This time around?  Evething for 1500.00 and my one shower is going out to dinner at a local restaurant with some girlfriends.  Am I a bit sad that the memories of all the attention, pomp, and circumstance are tied to a hurtful marriage and broken memories? Yes. 

    But I understand that I've already been married once and not that long ago.  I am SO GRATEFUL for this dinner/shower coming up for me because it's the only one I will have.  So all of this to say.......  While she's being bratty and snobby, no one knows why and what feelings may be laying under that exterior.  You're by no means required to do anything for her.  But maybe a simple lunch, a small hotel party, or going out to dinner with some girlfriends would be nice. 
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agoodwin22 - It's not clear by your post if Bridezilla is having a big pretty princess day as a vow renewal or if she divorced/widowed and marrying a different man. 

    If it is a vow renewal because she didn't have it her way when they got married then she's looking for attention, and going about it the wrong way. 

    If she is divorced or widowed, then she needs to step back and allow people to offer bridal showers and other parties if they want.  Parties are not requirements, they are niceties that are given by those who can and want too. 

    She has no right to demand such regardless of her situation. 
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