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SMOB...ugh

courtneycongercourtneyconger
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My problem in 6 points:
1.  My step-mother seems to think she belongs in MOB position.  I'm uncomfortable with this because I do not get along with her.  My mother will not be attending (long story).
2.  SMOB made a big deal about knowing my colors so she could shop for something and find something that will look nice and not clash. (Totally fine until...)
3.  SMOB asked me to relay what her dress looked like to the MOG so that they could be coordinated and not clash with each other.
4.  MOG is strapped for cash and already paying for our rehearsal dinner.  She was not planning on buying a new dress for the wedding and I'm not going to make her.  That would be silly and rude. 
5.  MOG's actually shown me the dresses in her closet she could wear, and we decided on one.  Admittedly, none of them are incredibly fashionable, and all of them "clash" with the colors of my wedding, but I just don't care.  I just want the MOG there and able to participate in the marriage of her son without being made to feel bad about what she's wearing.
6.  Because I do not get along with the SMOB, FOB usually fields all calls and discussions with her.  I'm very close to my dad, but he knows I can't stand his wife.  So talking directly to her is not really an option.

What do you think ladies?  I've thought about taking FMIL out and buying a dress for her, but I can't really afford that either.  Things like this are turning my laid-back afternoon wedding into a nit-picky mess.  Should I just talk to my dad and have him relay the message?  I've already had some issues with the SMOB up until this point and I just don't want to make anything worse.  As much as she annoys me, I try to remember she makes my dad happy.  Otherwise I'd just pass it right over and tell her to get over it. 

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Re: SMOB...ugh

  • pkontkpkontk member
    First Comment
    I'm not exactly clear what you're asking?

    Your step-mother and FMIL may wear what they like - it can be something they shop for or straight out of their closets.  If SMOB keeps pestering you, just tell her that FMIL hasn't decided on what she is wearing, but you are confindent it will be lovely.

    I really doubt that anyone is going to comment that their outfits clash, IF they clash at all.
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  • courtneycongercourtneyconger
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_smobugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa1ab032-0e59-499b-b352-40dc12fa621fPost:ef9df175-9878-4faf-bd89-33cb13f438e0">Re: SMOB...ugh</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not exactly clear what you're asking? Your step-mother and FMIL may wear what they like - it can be something they shop for or straight out of their closets.  If SMOB keeps pestering you, just tell her that FMIL hasn't decided on what she is wearing, but you are confindent it will be lovely. I really doubt that anyone is going to comment that their outfits clash, IF they clash at all.
    Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]
     Sorry.  Yeah, you're right.  My actual question wasn't clear.  Should I try to talk to my dad/stepmom about backing off of this topic?  I'm afraid if she asks what the MOG is wearing, if I tell her, she'll get judgemental and tell me I need to convince the MOG to wear something better.  And that's a conversation I don't want to have.  But I do like the idea of telling her I have no idea what the MOG will be wearing.  Maybe that will work.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My problem in 6 points:
    1.  My step-mother seems to think she belongs in MOB position.  I'm uncomfortable with this because I do not get along with her.  My mother will not be attending (long story).
    I'm sorry your mom will not attend your wedding.  Perhaps SMOB thinks she is "helping" you diminish that void by stepping in?  Bottom line, however, is that SMOB would sit next to your father regardless. 

    2.  SMOB made a big deal about knowing my colors so she could shop for something and find something that will look nice and not clash. (Totally fine until...)
    3.  SMOB asked me to relay what her dress looked like to the MOG so that they could be coordinated and not clash with each other.
    SMOB may not understand that such "older traditions" no longer exist in most circles.  Thank her for her concern and thoughtfulness, and assure her that it is not an issue.  Assuming you, as the bride, will be wearing white or ivory, nothing FMIL wears will clash against you.  At most, maybe SMOB and FMIL may be in two photos together.  What they wear, together or separately, will not and does not matter.  If SMOB asks what FMIL is wearing, your only response needs to be, "FMIL is wearing something she looks and feels great in".

    4.  MOG is strapped for cash and already paying for our rehearsal dinner.  She was not planning on buying a new dress for the wedding and I'm not going to make her.  That would be silly and rude. 

    5.  MOG's actually shown me the dresses in her closet she could wear, and we decided on one.  Admittedly, none of them are incredibly fashionable, and all of them "clash" with the colors of my wedding, but I just don't care.  I just want the MOG there and able to participate in the marriage of her son without being made to feel bad about what she's wearing.
    It sounds as if FMIL has made a decision, and is one you agree with.  There seems no point in revisiting it.  No offense, but her attire does not really have to be "fashionable" in your eyes, and again, FMIL does not need to wear a dress that "incorporates" your wedding colors. 

    6.  Because I do not get along with the SMOB, FOB usually fields all calls and discussions with her.  I'm very close to my dad, but he knows I can't stand his wife.  So talking directly to her is not really an option.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just let it go. If SMOB asks, say FMIL already has a dress and you think it's lovely. Be vague about it, because your SM doesn't need to know the details.
                       
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  • courtneycongercourtneyconger
    First Comment
    Cool.  Thanks for your help ladies!
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  • MomJenMomJen
    First Comment
    Why not just tell your SMOB or your FOB that whatever she wears will be fine and that you just want everyone to enjoy your wedding.  End of conversation.  <div>
    </div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_smobugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa1ab032-0e59-499b-b352-40dc12fa621fPost:53626f70-dbb9-4558-9304-7498242d84e7">SMOB...ugh</a>:
    [QUOTE]My problem in 6 points: 1.  My step-mother seems to think she belongs in MOB position.  I'm uncomfortable with this because I do not get along with her.  My mother will not be attending (long story). 2.  SMOB made a big deal about knowing my colors so she could shop for something and find something that will look nice and not clash. (Totally fine until...) 3.  SMOB asked me to relay what her dress looked like to the MOG so that they could be coordinated and not clash with each other. 4.  MOG is strapped for cash and already paying for our rehearsal dinner.  She was not planning on buying a new dress for the wedding and I'm not going to make her.  That would be silly and rude.  5.  MOG's actually shown me the dresses in her closet she could wear, and we decided on one.  Admittedly, none of them are incredibly fashionable, and all of them "clash" with the colors of my wedding, but I just don't care.  I just want the MOG there and able to participate in the marriage of her son without being made to feel bad about what she's wearing. 6.  Because I do not get along with the SMOB, FOB usually fields all calls and discussions with her.  I'm very close to my dad, but he knows I can't stand his wife.  So talking directly to her is not really an option. What do you think ladies?  I've thought about taking FMIL out and buying a dress for her, but I can't really afford that either.  Things like this are turning my laid-back afternoon wedding into a nit-picky mess.  Should I just talk to my dad and have him relay the message?  I've already had some issues with the SMOB up until this point and I just don't want to make anything worse.  As much as she annoys me, I try to remember she makes my dad happy.  Otherwise I'd just pass it right over and tell her to get over it. 
    Posted by courtneyconger[/QUOTE]

    </div>
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  • MomJenMomJen
    First Comment
    Why not just tell your SMOB or your FOB that whatever she wears will be fine and that you just want everyone to enjoy your wedding.  End of conversation.  <div>
    </div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_smobugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa1ab032-0e59-499b-b352-40dc12fa621fPost:53626f70-dbb9-4558-9304-7498242d84e7">SMOB...ugh</a>:
    [QUOTE]My problem in 6 points: 1.  My step-mother seems to think she belongs in MOB position.  I'm uncomfortable with this because I do not get along with her.  My mother will not be attending (long story). 2.  SMOB made a big deal about knowing my colors so she could shop for something and find something that will look nice and not clash. (Totally fine until...) 3.  SMOB asked me to relay what her dress looked like to the MOG so that they could be coordinated and not clash with each other. 4.  MOG is strapped for cash and already paying for our rehearsal dinner.  She was not planning on buying a new dress for the wedding and I'm not going to make her.  That would be silly and rude.  5.  MOG's actually shown me the dresses in her closet she could wear, and we decided on one.  Admittedly, none of them are incredibly fashionable, and all of them "clash" with the colors of my wedding, but I just don't care.  I just want the MOG there and able to participate in the marriage of her son without being made to feel bad about what she's wearing. 6.  Because I do not get along with the SMOB, FOB usually fields all calls and discussions with her.  I'm very close to my dad, but he knows I can't stand his wife.  So talking directly to her is not really an option. What do you think ladies?  I've thought about taking FMIL out and buying a dress for her, but I can't really afford that either.  Things like this are turning my laid-back afternoon wedding into a nit-picky mess.  Should I just talk to my dad and have him relay the message?  I've already had some issues with the SMOB up until this point and I just don't want to make anything worse.  As much as she annoys me, I try to remember she makes my dad happy.  Otherwise I'd just pass it right over and tell her to get over it. 
    Posted by courtneyconger[/QUOTE]

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