Moms and Maids

Should I ask my FMIL to go dress shopping?

Hi ladies. I wanted to know your opinion on this. I may be overthinking this- so bear with me please :)

 My FMIL are not that close. There are no problems between us, just not that close. I saw her about a month ago and asked her if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping soon and she said, "Oh isn't it too soon?" (My wedding isn't until July 2012). So I do agree that some people would think its too soon to be dress shopping. After she said that our conversation was interrupted so  I never got to hear what she had to say or hear her tell me yes she would like to go dress shopping. I got the feeling from her reply that she really didn't care to (at least at this time) 

 But I have been dress shopping and I beleive I have found my dress. I plan to purchase May1. I emailed her a couple pics of the dresses I love and she replied by saying nice compliments on them. My question is: Should I ask her again to go dress shopping? I kind of the get the feeling she doesn't want to (but it could be just me overthinking this- I do that  :/     I don't know why I'm hesitant on asking her. I guess I don't want to hear in her voice any hesitation that may make me sad. I also don't want to ask her and have her feel obligated. Its only 1 store I want her to go with me to. Its where my favorite dress is.

Am I overthinking this? Should I just ask her and get it over with or just not ask her and show her pics after I buy my dress? I love my FMIL. She's a great woman but I don't have the bond with her that I really would love to have. I know the bond between us will develop over time but I don't want to regret later that I should have asked her to go dress shopping. Know what I mean? Thanks in advance for your opinions on this :)

Re: Should I ask my FMIL to go dress shopping?

  • edited December 2011
    If my FMIL and I lived closer to one another, I would have invited her dress shopping with us because I believe we will be close, we get on really well already.

    It really depends on your situation. I think it can be a great way of creating a bond BUT since you already have a dress you like... and it doesn't sound like you know her well enough to know what she might say?... I'm worried she may shoot down your choice if you don't let on its your favourite.

    My thought would be, to help strengthen a bond, is involve her in other parts of planning. Bring her bridesmaid dress shopping... looking at flowers... maybe include her on spa days/pampering sessions. Maybe reception dress shopping? Even non-wedding related stuff... going for lunches together and maybe doing a little shopping in town? Its funny the things that come up in conversation when you're rifling through racks of clothes!

    Just make sure you include lots of your mom and you time, ( in my family there'd be comments made!) as well. :)

    Good luck :)
  • edited December 2011
    Hello Fancie,

    I'm very new here to TK.  I'm the MOG, and I would say, oh please ask her! 

    I have 3 sons, so unfortunately, I will not have the priviledge of watching, planning, helping a daughter with her wedding.  I absolutely adore my FDIL (and in another 3 weeks will have a FDIL #2 who I also love to pieces).  My dilemma is I am ashamed and afraid of how *I* will look for my kids wedding (I call my FDIL my kid LOL).  My post is down about 10 from yours..

    ANYWAY... Has she been the MOG before?  If not, maybe she just isn't sure if she should go dress shopping?  Maybe she doesn't know the proper ettiquette, or is afraid she may say or do something wrong? 

    As silly as it may sound, sometimes we MOG's think we do have a good relationship with our FDIL's, then we hear stories or - in my case - read things here on TK, and we start to doubt ourselves!  We wonder if we may get TOO excited or maybe we are asking too many question, or maybe we said the wrong thing!

    Is it possible in the coming months before your wedding to go out to lunch, or do some other things - *just* with your FMIL?  Is she creative/crafty that she can help you with decorations or favors or something?  You said you would love to have a closer relationship with her, but, like I mentioned, sometimes we FMIL's just don't know what is right, and don't want to appear like we are meddling and too nosey!

    Best of luck to you!
  • edited December 2011
    I think you should relax and not worry. Your wedding is really far away, so you have plenty of time to get everything done. :)  I know where you are coming from though, my FMIL didn't really seem interested in the wedding until one month ago and Im getting married this August! She still doesn't want to go dress shopping until June so that she can loose as much weight as  possible. Her thing was that it seemed so far away and intangible, but now that we have things booked and only four months to go, she realizes that it is actually happening and is getting really pumped. (not that she had doubts)

    My advise though, not related to your post, wait to buy your dress until you are 100% sure. I bought mine last year in June and I really feel I jumped the gun. Im impulsive and I wish I would have taken my time to enjoy each step of the process. I was constantly second guessing myself. Definitely wait until you know its the right one for you. :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for your advice. I just sent her an email asking her if she would like to go with me. I'm glad I asked her. Its a moment I don't want to miss out on.
  • edited December 2011
    My MIL lives in a different state, so I wasn't able to invite her to go dress shopping with me (I went with my mom, my MOH, and two of my BMs). However, once I had a dress picked out, I made a point of taking her to the dress shop  the next time she was in town and trying it on for her. She told me later that it meant a lot to her that I included her in the process, even if she couldn't be there originally.

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  • edited December 2011
    My FMIL was not allowed to be involved in her eldest son's wedding, as his wife's mom is a real peach, to say the least. We've never been really close, but we do get along. None of my BM's, except for FSIL live close, so I knew it would likely just be me and my mom dress shopping - which I don't mind, as my mom and I are very close.

    But I casually told FMIL and FSIL/BM that they were welcome to join us at X time at DB on X day. They decided to, and I'm glad they did - we wound up having a great time and it gave the two moms a chance to get to know each other a little better.


    And don't worry about dress shopping too early - I'm an August 2012 bride, as well, and purchased my dress on that trip last month ;-)
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