African American Weddings
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We Need New Friends

Do y'all ever feel this way???  DH and I are at a point in our lives where I think that we would like to be surrounded by more couple friends and do activities with other couples.  I think that it will strengthen our relationship to see other healthy married couples.  This is not to say that we are going to do away with our single friends, because I think the balance is necessary, but that's just it...we need balance.  Most of our friends are single.  Also, our married friends have kids, so we can't really relate to them on that level either, 'cause all they want to do is talk about their kids or they can't hang out with us because they're doing something with their kids. 

So, I think that we need new friends.  Well, just add on to the friends we have.  And it's so hard to meet new people when you're older.  It's not like when you're kids and you just become best friends with the kid playing in the sandbox next to you. See, DH went to college here and he's from NC so most of his friends are still here or are within driving distance, and see I've moved around a bit since college and my friends are like all over the place, so it's even harder for me because I don't really have anyone here.  But even with his friends, I don't want to say that he's outgrown them but.......he has. LOL

He can make new friends in a heartbeat though.  I think it's just easier for guys to make new friends.  I don't know why, but it just seems that way.  So, I guess I need to step it up.  But where do you go to meet new people?  I go to work and home, that's pretty much it.  And it's so hard to maintain genuine friendships with the people that you work with sometimes.  Especially the folks I work with.  You always have to watch your back.

So, is there anyone out there that feel my pain? 

Re: We Need New Friends

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    edited December 2011
    I do feel your pain.

    I'm at the point in my life where I realize i need to make some new girlfriends too.  I've never been one with a large circle of friends, always a few close besties, but now I feel that I need to expand my circle and get with some more like minded people. 

    As for couples, all my friends are single so that stinks.  My one married friend has her baby so that consumes their life. And John's coupled friends are kinda far away.  I want us to meet new couples also and have some go to couples we can do events/activities with.  I'm thinking of joining a meetup group for couples, and some for "girlfriends" as well.

    It's been hard in the past for me to make friends and you're right guys make friends so much easier it seems.  John's like the freakin mayor of our apartment building, he knows EVERYBODY and is always talkin about some new friend he met some random place.

    I think it has to do with putting yourself out there and a fear of rejection.  Guys often are the ones to take the lead and face rejection when approaching women, so their more apt to put them selves out there approaching other guys. 

    Plus there seems to be more competition among women.  But the women I meet are all in the entertainment industry so this could just be industry specific since the same girls you're getting friendly with, you'll have to "compete" against at an audition the next day.  Kinda hard to make quality lasting friendships there.

    Ok i just rambled for ever.
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    edited December 2011
    I understand where you are coming from with having your friends so far away. When I'm in Belgium I don't know anyone. A couple weeks ago we invited over a couple of my FI's couple "friends" over for cocktails and it was nice being with another couple. The problem is that my FI isn't that social and so these people really aren't close friends with him. Things also change with the age difference. Most people my FI knows are closer to his ages in their mid-30s and I'm in my early 20s and I want us to find a balance. Most people he knows have kids also and so most of the time if we do invite them its not the best time because they are doing things with their kids.

    I would say if you are into church there might be a church group with other couples or maybe a ladies group and many of them might be married. I've seen my life change so much since getting engaged and during this time there are so many things to reflect on and evaluate and that includes friends and the people in your life who you will spend time with. I think we are all pretty much going through this. I wish you all luck, I understand and people manage all the time doing this and I just think its a part of life that we must navigate through (comes with the package).
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    edited December 2011
    Tam, I hear you! Our friends are pretty much mutual as we all went to high school and/or college together.  And, most of them are married with children!  While we do spend time with our friends and their children, we very much appreciate spending time with them sans children.  My personal issue: I do not like to talk to my girlfriends when the kids need attention.  IDK, I might sound terrible, but I feel if we are talking, why are you talking to someone else?  So, happy medium?  IDK...whatever "the balance" is now seems to be working...a bit. 

    @Dani910- Yes!  I also have always had a small bestie group and then associates!  LOL
    ANd as far as your FI being the mayor of your apt complex...my FI is a supastar at our church!  LOL  After service I feel like he is signing autographs and shaking hands whilst I wait around.  LMAO As far as me...most of the women at our church are either older or younger and I am just there in between.
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    prncszprncsz member
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    edited December 2011
    I feel the same way. I have one bestie that I have been friends with since the age of 9 and another that I have been friends with since 9th grade both are single and the one i've known since 9th grade just had a baby a few months ago. FI has several friends, frat brothers, masonic brothers, etc. Some are married some aren't. He's from New Orleans and has friends that are married but they live in Texas. I would like to meet more people that are like us newly married and career minded. They are like us.

    It is more of a competition with females. There was this girl from high school that just made me her friend. When I moved out at 18 she moved into the same apartment complex as me and tried to do everything I was doing. After an incident where she stole money from me I ran into her at a bridal expo this year. She said nothing about being engaged but asked me why was I there I said I'm getting married. By the time I got home she had left me a voicemail saying she was getting married. I don't have time for the drama, but really would like more friends!
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    cincy2011cincy2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    @ Tam, I feel you!  I wrote you a looooong email just now, and I included my thoughts on this subject as well.

    @ Princess: that girl sounds ignorant.  You're right, I so don't have time for petty games.  Why would she ask why you're there?  Then why would she call later with her wedding news?  So so strange, I don't understand some women. 
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    prncszprncsz member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @cincy-yes, she was there with her friend at the bridal expo and when I told her after she asked, that I was there because I was getting married and showed her my ring she said she was there with her friend who was engaged (no ring.) I got home and had a voicemail on my cell from her saying "I'm doing good would like to be friends again since the theft incident and I'm marrying my last babies father." Wouldn't you have said that at the expo "yeah my friend and I are both getting married." UM HUM (raises brow) OK!

    I need friends that don't mind sharing in my success and don't mind me sharing in their success not trying to outdo me, trying to stay close with me to see what I'm going to do next because I'm not in competition, I'm just living and enjoying life.
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    mjjlaw2001mjjlaw2001 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yes Tam I feel your pain.  I moved to Chicago  to be with my hubby.  He is from Chicago and lived here all his life.  He moved back up as soon as he graduated college.  I have lived all over the place too.  I had to make new friends as an adult whereas he already had friends.  Luckily for me I made some local friends on the knot so I hang out with them at times and I have also made friends through my sorority and with some local college classmates and my church, even though he is a rockstar at the church!   I still don't have a whole lot of friends here yet, but its a process.  Alot of the friends that I have made are married but we honestly end up doing stuff without the men alot of times.  Men don't like to be dragged out on couples things if they don't know the other men involved.  Chris Rock joked about it being called a man's play date and thats really how they feel.  So I would say just focus on making new friends yourself whether they are single or married.  Its not easy.  Are there other women here on the knot in NC that you can have a GTG with?  I love NC I have family and a few friends there.  If I lived there we could hang :)
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