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Breakdown....

ktdid10ktdid10
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in June 2013 Weddings
So yesterday I did not log on at all and I was just in a horrible mood..I almost broke down and gave up on the wedding planning I'm already getting so stressed and not sleeping at night trying to think of ideas and wondering if people are going to come and if they'll have fun and what not.  My FI does not want a wedding whatsoever he just wants to go to the courthouse and be done no party no nothing, I'm fine with doing courthouse as long as we can celebrate afterwards with friends and family. I'm just wondering if this is a good idea and if I should just do what he wants so he doesn't feel awkward and uncomfortable the day of...I had a  moment of weakness and was trying to plan a weekend in las vegas this weekend and possibly just go and elope... but I really think I would regret it but if already more than a year in advance I'm stressing what's it gonna be like when it gets closer to the day? I'm just breaking down and don't know what to do...sorry to be a downer but I just need to get this out into the open and hopefully out of my system...
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Re: Breakdown....

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    NighttNightt member
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    I'm so sorry your feeling this way! Just know that your not alone in all of this! It sounds like you should really have a heart to heart with your FI. Ask him why he dosen't want to have a ceremony/reception with family and share your feelings with him. Let him know what's important to you and what you would like to do. Ask him if an actual wedding is something he would regret as eloping is something you would regret. Maybe you can find some middle ground.
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    sparkles776sparkles776 member
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    The part of your post that red flagged to me is "if i should just do what he wants"...well what about what you want? It doesnt sound to me like you are on the same page wedding planning. You should come to an agreement about what you both want, maybe you will be less stressed out that way. What about if you did just a small ceremony and reception? Are you possibly stressed out because you dont want a courthouse wedding and are just going along with it to make your FI happy? I think if you just figure out what kind of wedding makes you happy, and get your FI on board, you will be less stressed. If you do not envision or want a courthouse wedding, you need to be honest with your FI about it and tell him that option is off the table.
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    anastassiiatanastassiiat
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    I'm sorry the wedding planning is getting to you! I'm sure if you choose to just go to the court house your friends and family will understand, and if you do have a reception they will have fun no matter where it is hosted! Maybe if you did have more of a party (like at someone's house or a more casual restaurant) instead of a formal reception FI would be more accepting?
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    ktdid10ktdid10
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    thanks ladies for the advice.  And sparkles your right what about what I want, except what I'm planning IS what I want, but it's not what he wants.  I don't want to be bridezilla and make him do something he doesn't want to do, I just don't want to be going into this marriage with either one of us having regrets, or me just being a brat and getting what I want.  I'm just feeling torn right now and I think you all are right I need to take the weekend off and maybe we can go do something and not talk about wedding stuff. 
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    cnf2013cnf2013 member
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    You both need to sit down and figure out what you both want then come up with a compromise. Marriage is about compromise and if you do only what one or the other wants then the other person may end up resentful in the long run. 

    Have a talk, figure out what you both want, come up with an idea you can both agree on, then make out a list of priorities to focus on. If everything is broken down by most important, you can figure out when you want those specific things done by, make dates to accomplish things by and hopefully relieve a lot of the stress. 

    I'm going to post the most awesome checklist ever on the fb group. Use it to prioritise and figure out what's important and what's not and hopefully you guys can work something out that works for both of you. 
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    emilyb213emilyb213 member
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    I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

    I think the small, courthouse ceremony followed by a party (it doesn't have to be formal) sounds like a fair compromise, if you're okay with the ceremony portion of it. If you sit down and think about it and decide you're not okay with the courthouse ceremony, make sure you can communicate it to your fiance. For instance, we initially talked about eloping, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew it would kill my dad and his mother to not be there, which is exactly how I presented it to my fiance when making my case to rule out eloping.

    Take a deep breath, step away from the wedding planning stuff for a couple of days, and try to sort out your priorities before you talk to your fiance. That way, you can provide specific reasons to back up whatever you decide.


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    ktdid10ktdid10
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:25d45293-8d8e-4f45-822b-37688f854460Post:3af1260e-808d-4464-8bc1-7b0c81aea3f1">Re: Breakdown....</a>:
    [QUOTE]You both need to sit down and figure out what you both want then come up with a compromise. Marriage is about compromise and if you do only what one or the other wants then the other person may end up resentful in the long run.  Have a talk, figure out what you both want, come up with an idea you can both agree on, then make out a list of priorities to focus on. If everything is broken down by most important, you can figure out when you want those specific things done by, make dates to accomplish things by and hopefully relieve a lot of the stress.  I'm going to post the most awesome checklist ever on the fb group. Use it to prioritise and figure out what's important and what's not and hopefully you guys can work something out that works for both of you. 
    Posted by cnf2013[/QUOTE]

    How do I see this said checklist, I'm not on the fb group.
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    cnf2013cnf2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:25d45293-8d8e-4f45-822b-37688f854460Post:daf2b9f1-a39d-423d-b6d8-b5765d81a726">Re: Breakdown....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breakdown.... : How do I see this said checklist, I'm not on the fb group.
    Posted by ktdid10[/QUOTE]
     PM me your email I can send it to you =)
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    FutureMrsPrice2013FutureMrsPrice2013
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:25d45293-8d8e-4f45-822b-37688f854460Post:b83ed09a-f887-4dc0-bf49-beb467dd64ce">Breakdown....</a>:
    [QUOTE]So yesterday I did not log on at all and I was just in a horrible mood..I almost broke down and gave up on the wedding planning I'm already getting so stressed and not sleeping at night trying to think of ideas and wondering if people are going to come and if they'll have fun and what not.  My FI does not want a wedding whatsoever he just wants to go to the courthouse and be done no party no nothing, I'm fine with doing courthouse as long as we can celebrate afterwards with friends and family. I'm just wondering if this is a good idea and if I should just do what he wants so he doesn't feel awkward and uncomfortable the day of...I had a  moment of weakness and was trying to plan a weekend in las vegas this weekend and possibly just go and elope... but I really think I would regret it but if already more than a year in advance I'm stressing what's it gonna be like when it gets closer to the day? I'm just breaking down and don't know what to do...sorry to be a downer but I just need to get this out into the open and hopefully out of my system...
    Posted by ktdid10[/QUOTE]

    First it's your day not anyone elses. So plan what YOU like. If people don't like it then they don't have to come. Screw them. Second keep in mind it is just one day so don't go overboard with extra things. Pleased people don't exist :)
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