Name Change Dilemma

HopefulLife · April 2011

My fi and I would like one last name for our future family but can't decide which one to take because we're both attached to our given names but like the other name.

I love my name and decided when I was seven that I wasn't gonna change it (willing now but really don't want to). I also want to keep my name alive because my dad was an only child and I only have sisters (my family's joke was that I was the boy of the family - before my fi came around).

The fi loves his last name and is also semi-traditional. His grandparents are highly old-fashioned and traditional (not usually a problem to me) and he's afraid of their reaction (and his dad's) if h were to take my last name.

We're at a total dead spot on deciding which to take (still have time to decide so no rush or anything) and just wondered what ya'll thought.

EDIT: Hyphenation would make it too long in our opinions.

zazelle · April 2011

My only suggestion would be to both hyphenate yourname-hisname, or for you to hyphenate yourname-hisname.

snwilson0416 · April 2011

If neither of you want to change your names, then I think the only option is for you both to hyphenate.

Calypso1977 · April 2011

hyphen is the only way to go i think.

or you could be First Maiden Married, although most who do that seem to end up just going by First Married although there are afew notable exceptions (Hillary Rodham Clinton, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Mary Todd Lincoln)

em01092 · April 2011

Eh, yeah I agree with PPs, hyphen is probably your best bet in terms of using one name, and would require both of you to make a change.

If that is not what you want, then I have to tell you, Calypso's idea of YourFirst YourMaiden HisLastName would be the easiest thing for you to do since that is common for women to do, especially if you are that worried about familial reactions. Another idea- He could also make a change and make your maiden his middle: HisFirst YourMaiden (keep) HisLastName. So that way you would have the same middle and last names? Idk, it would be a bigger deal for you than for him since middle names are not typically used

mica178 · April 2011

I moved my maiden name to my middle name, and I took my husband's name. Most of my professional stuff has me listed as "Mica Maiden NewLast," so I don't exactly "lose" my maiden name, but I still have the same last name as my husband and theoretical future children.

HopefulLife · April 2011

He couldn't take my last as a middle name (or wouldn't) because he already has two middle names. Didn't really think of going First MyMaiden HisLastName. So I might go First Middle MyMaiden HisLastName (he wants the kids to have double middles too it keeps that theme). Thanks for the idea - let's see what he has to say.

DramaGeek · April 2011

I will just warn you that people will automatically shorten YourLast HisLast to just HisLast. That's what I used to be. I got so sick of being called MyFirst HisLast that I finally dropped H's last name and went back to just MyName MyLast. If you're ok with just using his last name, then go for it, but if you're wanting everyone to use both, be prepared for the majority of people to drop your maiden name from the mix and just use his name.

MrsAwer77 · April 2011

Similar to what others have suggested, I'd suggest going by YourFirst YourMaiden HisLast AND giving your maiden name to your children as one of their 2 middles names (if it's practical and you both feel it fits and meshes with their other names). That way you keep your maiden name alive and your children will carry it as well.
Good luck and congrats on the union. That's the most important part!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

Could you take part of your name and part of his name and make up a new last name?

My husband and I both kept our names as-is, but will use my last name as a second middle for our children and his last as their last, so they'll each have our name as part of their name.

laafe6976 · May 2011

I kind of like the idea of him taking your name because it's not traditional and plus like you said you're attached to your name. I am also very attached to my name but my FH refuses to take my name. I told him that I would agree to taking his last name but I get to name the first child (if we have one) since they will already be getting his family's last name. Other than that if you are split 50-50 you could always just toss a coin- I know it sounds silly but it would be a completely fair and unbiased way of deciding instead of letting the grandparents/dad/etc. pressure you into something.

gundy21 · May 2011

How long would the hyphenated version be? My new name is 9 letters-5 letters - Kristen Xxxxxxxxx-Yyyyy - yes it is long, but doable!

HopefulLife · May 2011

Mine is seven and his is ten so seventeen total, eighteen with hyphen. We decided to go with MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden (as a second middle) HisLast. ^-^ Thanks ya'll!

EDIT: The decision for now. :P

HopefulLife · May 2011

Note: He changed his mind again. Since I'm still torn about my name, he says he's taking my name "end of story" (My dad loves the idea, but it's grandparents don't like it but say "it's your choices") Just keeping ya up-to-date. ^-^ Thanks for all the advice.

Lisa50 · May 2011

Hmm ... I think that, if you really don't want to change your name, you should not. Good luck!

Name Change Dilemma

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