Vow Help

cinderella_pink_princess · February 2010

So, I was just reading this board and doing a little research when I found a link to a Catholic wedding website which was very helpful. However, this website says that you have two options for Catholic vows and you cannot write your own. Its not that I don't agree with what the vows say, its just that I have always dreamed of having vows that we wrote for each other. To me they would be more meaningful. Were any of you allowed to write your own vows? Is this true in all Catholic Churches?

By the way, I am currently taking RCIA classes so I am still trying to learn more about the Catholic religion.

Thanks

Calypso1977 · February 2010

i'm pretty sure the vows are standard. you priest may allow you to add addtional vows, but i've honestly never seen this at any catholic weddings.

agapecarrie · February 2010

In order to have a valid sacrament, one must have correct form and matter. Having the vows that have been instituted by the church is part of having the correct form. The statement of intentions and the vows are there in insure that all the basis are covered.

(Priests are never supposed to vary offbook of the mass, especially at the Consecration. Those words are necessary to have a valid Eucharist).

Instead of thinking of it as a negative thing (not writing vows), think of it as a privelidge to partake in the long standing history of the Sacrament. Speaking the vows that the Church holds so dear that you get to be a part of the Christian witness to the world of Christ's love in the trinity. Being part of the body of Christ and sharing that "oneness" in the same way all other married couples have is the important and meaningful part.

ring_pop · February 2010

My priest allowed us to write our vows as long as they kept to the meaning of the standard vows. We chose to use the standard ones though.

It seems that my church is very progressive. Ask your priest.

mbcdefg · February 2010

Our priest told us that we can write vows that we can read to each other before we do the traditional Catholic vows. They had to follow a certain format and he'd have to approve them beforehand, but we can indeed write them. I was very surprised to hear this, because like PP I've never seen this done at a Catholic wedding.

However, we've opted not to do it. We'd much rather stick with the standard vows.

So, it seems like it depends on the individual parish and priest. Ours is fairly laid-back about certain things.

meltoine · February 2010

I think agapecarrie said it perfectly.

I love that we are saying the same vows that our parents, grandparents, etc. etc. said. It makes us part of a great tradition of strong marriages.

Theresa626 · February 2010

I've never heard of a church allowing this but apparently other posters have been allowed. I guess it just depends on how progressive your parish is. I would ask the priest but expect the answer to be no.

If the answer is no, you might consider having a private moment after the ceremony with just you and your fiance and the photographer where you read vows that you wrote to each other. It can be a special intimate time in a day full of chaos.

kmm2150 · February 2010

You could also write something vow-like into your prayers of the faithful, which I think most churches encourage, or at least allow, you to write yourselves. Obviously it wouldn't be a vow, but maybe some of the same thoughts and goals and promises that you would put into your vows could be reformatted into a 'That Cinderalla and FI do such and such, we pray to the Lord" format.

mcdol3 · February 2010

Our priest said that we could be he would need to read them before hand and approve them. We are just going to do the standard vows. I like the idea of having the traditional vows that mean so much to the faith.

As an option for FI since he really wants to write vows, we are going to write them, and read them to each other at the reception. Best of both worlds!

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