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WHERE on earth should we have this thing?!

natalyad24natalyad24
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
I am recently engaged to a wonderful man and we are waiting until after I graduate and pass my boards to get married. We are having slight issues over where we are getting married! He is from Missouri and I am from Wisconsin but we met here (WI) during school.
MOST of my family is in-state, and he has a huge family all over (only 2-3 families incl. his are in Missouri) leaving like 12 families out of either of our home states. I think it would be best to have the wedding here since we met here and my family doesn't have to travel and most of his will have to travel anyways; he thinks it would be best to have it in MO but then all of my family would need to travel and I'm not quite sure if they would be as willing. His family knows they must travel to see others anyhow.
I want to be flexible but I have no idea even how I would plan a wedding in a different state without being there. We still have time, probably like 1-2 yrs before the wedding to plan. I need advice on how to decide or how to compromise please!
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Re: WHERE on earth should we have this thing?!

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    edited February 2012
    Well, it's his wedding too, so his ideas are as important as yours.

    I would start with asking him why he wants to get married in MO.  Is it friends along with family?  Or is it a childhood church?  Or a specific person that can't travel?

    From there, I would have a realistic conversation about the planning in either location.  One may be more expensive, have better venues, and there is the whole additional difficulty of planning from a distance.  That might mean hiring a planner to help.  
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    toothpastechicatoothpastechica member
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    Traditionally it is usually where the bride is from...but it doesnt have to be, I would keep working on finding a compromise...also look into venues and prices in either place, that might help make a practical decision less personal for whoevers place isnt 'picked'. But really, you are getting married, learning to compromise early is going to help with that a lot!

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    aljones1009aljones1009
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    edited February 2012
    I'm in a similar situation.  My FI is from Europe, I'm American.  We met during grad school in one city and have since relocated to another.  My mother is from Eastern Europe and still has lots of family there and my father has family all over the US.  My FI's mother was born and raised in the Middle East and moved to Europe as an adult.  

    Here is the best advice that I can offer: You and you FI have to accept the fact that no matter where you have the wedding, some people will have to travel, some people won't be there and some people will be upset with you.  

    I know that it sounds trite, but it's true.  When we were in the early planning stages, I was in tears trying to find the perfect location that was going to ensure that everyone would be able to come. That place doesn't exist: everyone is coming from different places and everyone has equally busy lives that may prevent them from traveling.

    In the end, we "solved" the problem by simply choosing the best venue for us.  Yes, some people were upset.  Yes, some people won't be able to come.  But at the end of the day, you are still getting married. 
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    ChristineNBChristineNB
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    This is one of the reasons I always wanted to get married in Pittsburgh.  his family lives in Washington DC, mine lives in Ohio, meaning both of our families will have to travel making Pittsburgh the half-way point.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_where-on-earth-should-we-have-this-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:36ad9d94-d321-4ab4-b21c-0526f24de16bPost:d0c7e7ac-42c5-47dc-9631-ce198f231ff5">Re: WHERE on earth should we have this thing?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, it's his wedding too, so his ideas are as important as yours. <strong>I would start with asking him why he wants to get married in MO.</strong>  Is it friends along with family?  Or is it a childhood church?  Or a specific person that can't travel? From there, I would have a realistic conversation about the planning in either location.  One may be more expensive, have better venues, and there is the whole additional difficulty of planning from a distance.  That might mean hiring a planner to help.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Understanding the reasons WHY you want to get married in a certain location is the best first step.  (at least in my opinion)  You guys have to decide what's best for the two of you.  In a situation like this, it's hard to make every person happy.

    I'm in a similar situation.  I'm American and my fiance is German.  His reasons for getting married in Germany were to make his mother happy and he claimed it was cheaper (after calculating, I explained to him that it's not).  However, I've always wanted to get married on my family farm AND I have a much larger family.  We can't make everyone happy so we had to do what was best for us. 
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    AbbynBrian13AbbynBrian13
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    Do you know where you will be living once your married? I personally would want to have the wedding in the area I will be spending the rest of my life.. Just my point of view though :D
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