My daughter is engaged to be married in May to a FABULOUS young man. I am thrilled for her, thrilled for him, thrilled for THEM.
This is a very short engagement so there is a lot to be done. I should add here that
a) my daughter and I have always had a good, close relationship, and
b) neither of us is much for drama.
So why do we have a bit of tension?
I say, "so, have you thought about what kind of centerpieces you would like?" She says, "oh, we have them all picked out." She proceeds to describe them to me and I feel just a little.....stung? left out? Something.....
Two weeks ago it dawned on me: the profound thing about my only child's marriage, at least for this mom, is that I'm no longer her "first string" family. Where before she might have called me first with exciting news, now it will (rightfully!!) be her husband who is first on that list. In short, her "immediate family" is changing as she becomes a married woman.
I raised her the best I could and she has blossomed into a young woman who I would want as a friend if she weren't already my daughter. I am incredibly proud of her. I would not want her to be tied to me all her life, to be the woman who was "in trouble" if she didn't call her mother every week, or whatever. I'm delighted that she's found someone who treasures her.
Despite the joy, I mourn a little that I'm moving down a notch on her list of VIPs.
It took me two whole weeks to realize that just as I see the wedding preparation as a time of change for our relationship, she likely sees it that way, too! And so as much as I would love to hear of every tiny detail, it's right and appropriate that she and her FI are doing the planning. She'll tell me about the details she chooses to share, when she chooses to share them. She'll ask for help when she needs it.
Thanks for listening.