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The bridal shower that isn't a bridal shower

baile145baile145
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi Knotties, a bridal shower etiquette question for you:

My fiance's sister-in-law kindly offered to throw a bridal shower for me to welcome me into their very big Canadian family. She wants to invite just female relatives as a way for them to get to know me. 

I am having a small wedding (50-60 people), and many distant relatives and out-of-town guests will not be invited, which unfortunately excludes many of the same people she would like me to meet. My fiance's family is very large, and my fi's sister-in-law would prefer to invite people who would not necessarily be invited to the wedding. So my question is, since this is not your standard bridal shower per se, how can we distinguish this from a traditional "bridal shower"? Would calling it a "bridal luncheon" or "bridal social" be a polite way to let guests know that this event is for getting to know and welcoming the bride (me) and not necessarily imply that they would be invited to our wedding? Is there a naming convention for a party like this? 

I think people might interpret any such party as a "bridal shower', no matter what we call it. So should I request that she work from our guest list? I'm really touched that she even offered, and I don't want to miss an opportunity to be welcomed into his family. Help and thanks!
Robyn

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Re: The bridal shower that isn't a bridal shower

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    I suggest you not use "bridal" on the invitation nor in the name of the party if she is inviting women not on your wedding guest list. You FSIL could call it a meet and greet luncheon, or a welcome to the family for Joe's fiance, or just wine and cheese to introduce Baile.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_the-bridal-shower-that-isnt-a-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fb264a90-9df6-4a81-a9d2-8a9eab1289afPost:b3a257c2-7181-42be-bb73-ddc379e34dd6">The bridal shower that isn't a bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Knotties, a bridal shower etiquette question for you: My fiance's sister-in-law kindly offered to throw a bridal shower for me to welcome me into their very big Canadian family. She wants to invite just female relatives as a way for them to get to know me.  I am having a small wedding (50-60 people), and many distant relatives and out-of-town guests will not be invited, which unfortunately excludes many of the same people she would like me to meet. My fiance's family is very large, and my fi's sister-in-law would prefer to invite people who would not necessarily be invited to the wedding. So my question is, since this is not your standard bridal shower per se, how can we distinguish this from a traditional "bridal shower"? Would calling it a "bridal luncheon" or "bridal social" be a polite way to let guests know that this event is for getting to know and welcoming the bride (me) and not necessarily imply that they would be invited to our wedding? Is there a naming convention for a party like this?  I think people might interpret any such party as a "bridal shower', no matter wh at we call it. So should I request that she work from our guest list? I'm really touched that she even offered, and I don't want to miss an opportunity to be welcomed into his family. Help and thanks! Robyn
    Posted by baile145[/QUOTE]

    This sort of party is like giving the guests the crappy prize behind door number 2. They're not invited to the wedding, but for one day they can pretend!

    You can definitely request that she work with your guest list. And if she doesn't want to, I'd decline the party.
    Honestly? it's like she's slamming a message in your face. "Here are the people you didn't invite to your  wedding! <em>I'm</em> inviting them, though, so maybe they'll like me more!"
    image
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_the-bridal-shower-that-isnt-a-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fb264a90-9df6-4a81-a9d2-8a9eab1289afPost:a689923d-8014-47a2-804b-afb822ff3b92">Re: The bridal shower that isn't a bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Suggest that they host something for you AFTER the wedding, so that you can meet these people then.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. Inviting these people to meet you BEFORE the wedding and then NOT inviting them to the wedding is really rude if you ask me. I would be wondering why I needed to get together at a special party to meet someone whose wedding I wasn't invited to. And I don't know that I would even attend a POST wedding meet and greet for you, either, to be honest. I would probably be like, "Can't I just meet her the next time the family is together for something?" 

    </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    grizzly04grizzly04 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I think it is more of how I am, but I don't find anything wrong with it. Maybe you can have some simple finger food, cake, and punch and just say that you are celebrating your upcoming marriage and that you are having a very small wedding. It's like people going away for a wedding then coming back to through a reception. Maybe just don't ask for gifts and make it clear on the invite that you want to celebrate with these people. Do what you want, everyone is going to find something to pick on. If you are happy with the idea then do it. I think that it is awesome that your fiance's family is doing this for you.
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