June 2013 Weddings
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Groom doesn't want to invitie ANY of his family...

My fiance hasn't had the easiest of childhoods and spent most of his life jumping from one foster home to another. He has only known his mother and sisterfor about 7 years and has no idea nor cares about his father (history behind that). He moved from the East coast out here to CA to be closer to his family, get to know them, and build relationships with; unfortunately it hasn't gone well. He barely speaks to his mom and sister, and all other family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) he only sees or has contact with on big family events which ther have only been 2. 

Basically he feels that bc he was out of everyone's life for so long his return isn't noticed nor cared about within his family. He is upset with how distant everyone is towrds him even after many attempts on his part to establish a close relationship with his family.

Do you think I should support his decision in not inviting any of his family to our wedding? I mean, how is he going to feel not having his family's support the day of and seeing my entire family there? And do we instead do a intimate wedding with immediate family members from my family and none of his? What will my family think or say if i only have my immediate family there and not cousins, aunts, etc.?
Help? 0_o

Re: Groom doesn't want to invitie ANY of his family...

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    As your future husband, I think you should support his decision. I would re-evaluate what kind of wedding the two of you want. I would just feel your fiance out, and if he would be uncomfortable with a lot of your family there and none of his, maybe do a smaller wedding with immediate family? Your extended family would have to deal if thats your decision. Its you and your FI's day and do what makes the two of you happy, not everyone else.

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    Thank you! I was leaning towards supporting his decision. I am the ONLY one who supports him and I will contiue to do so. And I completely agree with extended family on my side will just have to deal. My fiance and I have discussed a more private intimate wedding and that's what we have been leaning towards since day one. In the end it is about him and I and what makes us happy.

    Thank you for your response
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    I definitely think you should support your FI's decision.  It sounds like you and FI are leaning towards having an intimate wedding.  You both should sit down to talk about your different options and what you two feel most comfortable with.  Your wedding should be exactly what you and your fiance want -- not what everyone else thinks you should have.  Good luck with your decision!
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    I think that you should support his decision. I can slightly relate to his situation, and if my Fi tried to convince me to invite the parts of mmy family who ignored me my entire life i would feel like he didnt care about my perspective. Talk to him and tell him that you support any decision he comes to. It can only make you guys stronger as a couple to communicate how one another feels.

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    Absolutely agree.  Even if you invited them, would they really attend to support your FI?  If the relationship is that strained, and it sounds like it is, don't have his family there.  Being a guest is an honor, invite those who would accept it as such.
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    Everyone has such good responses already, but I'm just going to add that yes, you should totally support his decision.  If there are people on your side wondering, "oh, where's the groom's family?"  really, it's none of their business.  One thing you might consider is, instead of having ushers seat people "groom's side/bride's side", is to have them seat people just from front to back, regardless of whose "side" they are on.  That way, the difference won't be as apparent.

    And also, if you just want parents and siblings, no extended family, that's just fine too!  Don't worry about what your aunts and uncles will think because they don't get to pick how you get married!  I'm sure if you explained that you wanted the super small and intimate wedding, they will understand.
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    I know I am a few days late with this one, but I have a story.

    My FI has a very strained relationship with his mother as do his siblings.  A couple years ago his brother got married and his now wife convienced him to invite her to the wedding.  It was a disaster she made the day miserable for her son, his wife, and everyone involved.  She didn't even stay for the whole ceremony and left half-way.

    If your FI decides that it is not something he wants to deal with DO NOT force it.  It really doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it.  Your wedding day is about starting a new life together and if people want to dwell on past issues don't let it drag you down.
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