HELP! Catholic annulments and previous marriages.....

Re: HELP! Catholic annulments and previous marriages.....

• agapecarrie member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-annulments-previous-marriages?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:6d7431ce-a3f5-4fdf-83f4-86d4ce44a9ebPost:c89a9360-7f41-4176-bbe9-a6d0eac680b5">HELP! Catholic annulments and previous marriages.....</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi ladies.....wondering if anyone can shed some light on Catholicism for me. I was married previously and my fiance now is Catholic. I am in the process of convertion and was non-baptized for my first wedding. My ex was baptized Baptist. Anyway, my current church is telling me that I have to get an annulment before my fiance and I can get married in the Catholic church. Well, I am distraut bc that process apparently takes as long as two years. Admittedly, our current church is very old fashioned and I'm wondering if there is a such thing as a liberal church/priest that sees things a little more reasonably given the state of society. I was so young the first time around and we've been divorced for 7 years. An annulment would re-open some significant emotnal wounds for both me and my ex.....is there any way of getting around this???? HELP!!
  Posted by WeSayIDo[/QUOTE]
  
  Please understand that these are not rules to get around. They are in place for your benefit. It's not a matter of "liberal" priests...
  
  The Catholic church believes that marriage lasts until death. It also honors the vows taken by non-Catholics. The church presumes one's marriage is valid until proven otherwise. This is actually the most reasonable because these are Christ's laws and the church is upholding them. "What God has joined, no man can divide" (This includes a civil divorce).
  
  You can petition for decree of nullity: this is a lengthy process and it investigates whether your first marriage was valid at the time of the wedding. The annulment process can be very healing  and can shed a lot of light on past choices that help one grow.  The length of 2 years seems a tad long to me on average, but they can be taking into account the lag time of waiting for witnesses to respond. It's important to do this soon. See your parish priest.
  
  There is another possible avenue of dissolution....under petrine or pauline priveledge, since you are converting. There are very particular circumstances that are needed for this, though.
  
  Please see a priest as soon as possible.

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• mica178 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  OP, are you Catholic?  If you are Catholic but married outside of the church, you may qualify for a lack of form.  However, if you are not Catholic, then you will have to go through the nullification process.
  
  As agapecarrie said, the Catholic church views all marriages as lasting until death.  The church is sympathetic that not all marriages are valid, so nullifications are possible.  The process can be painful, but the reason to reopen old wounds is so that you can examine what went wrong in your previous marriage so you can avoid making the same mistakes in this new one.  I think many if not most nullifications can happen within a year, but as carrie recommended, see your priest sooner rather than later to get the ball rolling.

  **Bio**

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• SaraAndrew2010 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  You may find this site helpful:
  http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/annulment.htm
  

  My wedding bio: http://saraandrewbio.weebly.com/

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• lmeade62

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  OP, as someone who is in the final stages of the annulment process, I can tell you that while it is very difficult, it also can be affirming and healing, especially if you have a kind and helpful tribunal, as I did. My fiance and I were so frightened that one of our annulments would not be granted, that we considered all kinds of dreadful things to try to "get around it," but we were not comfortable with that at all.
  
  His annulment has been granted in both instances. Mine has been granted in the first instance, and we are just waiting for the second word. We are absolutely thrilled and so grateful that we are going to be married in the Church.
  
  My ex was abusive and an alcoholic and I've been divorced over 20 years. We were married in a civil court, but I had to go through the long process. I'll be frank - the process wasn't pleasant, for me or my family, and I relied heavily on my advocate in the tribunal office for information and comfort.
  
  His annulment took a little over a year, and mine has been just over a year as well - though mine was delayed because their psychological expert had it for a ridiculously long time.
  
  There are things you can do to help make the process run more smoothly. Ask the people you want to be your witnesses in advance, and ask if they think they can answer the questionnaires in a timely fashion. It's likely to be an emotional experience for them as well. Get your questionnaire done as quickly as possible. Find someone in the process you can rely on and trust. Keep in touch with your tribunal but don't be too demanding. My church switched priests twice during my annulment process, which is why I am so grateful that my tribunal folks were so wonderful. Educate yourself on the steps required at each process, and count on your faith to get you through.
  
  Halfway through the process I was ready to give up, and without my fiance, my priest, and my faith, I'm not sure I would've made it. These guys here gave me their prayers and a listening ear, and we'll do the same for you.
  
  Best wishes and prayers...
  
  Linda
  

  

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• ootmother2 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  Your OP says that you were very young when you married the first time and immature judgement can be one of the reasons for a church annulment.

  
  

  Talk to your priest and don't worry too much.
  
  While I won't disclose the reasons that my marriage was annuled, the visit to the past wan't all that hurtful. 
  
  GL

  
  
  

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• agapecarrie member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  A good book is "annulments, the wedding that was"
  
  Also, to clarify a term that can possibly be misleading: the church does not nullify a marriage. It does not have the power to make a marriage null. The church investigates whether the marriage was valid or not and the states what is.
  
  I'm not trying to be nitpicky, but the difference in these terms have caused confusion before in my experience. An annulment is not a catholic divorce.
  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  My prayers are with you. I know very little about the annullment process besides what I have learned here, so I have nothing to add.  I do know that for my FBIL, it was a very healing process, when all was said and done.

  

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• Nickie431 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  I am Catholic, my fiance is not, and he was married previously, so we had a similar situation to yours.  He was very resistant to going through the annullment process for the reasons you cite, much less involve his family.  Basically he eloped at a young age to a woman he'd known half a year.  After their marriage, he learned of her bi-polar disorder (possibly paranoid schizophrenia) and was the victim of physical abuse.  They divorced within five months.  He was ashamed of his history, didn't know the location of his ex-wife, and was afraid of her possible involvement in the process.
  
  The Church and the annullment advocates understand these wounds and, though it may not seem like it, want what's best for you.  I served as the go-between for my fiance and sat down with him to help him fill out all the paperwork.  (It took several sessions, because our diocese's form was 39 pages long.)  We actually learned a lot about each other through the process--not just the nitty gritty of his first marraige, but also practicing communication, patience, and empathy.  We were fortunate that, once he completed the paperwork, his annullment was granted in about five months.  (While this is fast, the average will depend on your diocese's caseload.)
  
  Your priest will probably direct you to a trained volunteer or Church employee who will serve as your advocate throughout the process.  Be completely honest with this person.  You can share your feelings of frustration and dismay--you won't be the first one.  He or she has experience guiding people through not just the logistics but also the emotions.
  
  I wish you the best.  Blessings!

  "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!" (Isaiah 43:1)

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• WeSayIDo member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  Thank you ladies, for all your comments
  
  You all pretty much confirmed what I have already learned from my own research and through word-of-mouth. Today, I filed a petition for a Petrine Priviledge. If it is denied, then we will move forward with the annulment process.
  
  Nickie431, thank you especially for your comments. I have tried to tell my fiance that his help in this process would be helpful but he's been resistent because he feels like he's impinging on a delicate part of my past. This helped him to see that, as part of my future, I welcome his assistance with my past.
  
  As for the process, I appreciate the comments about the process being a healing one; however, both my ex and I have been through a lot of counseling, both faith driven and psycology driven and we've worked through our problems. We've gone our seperate ways and moved on and we are actually still friends as he has remained close with my family. Please don't misunderstand any kind of disrespect for my asking about "getting around" the process. Trust me, if I didn't have respect for the faith, I would have lied to the priest when he asked if I'd been married before. I just don't want to re-live any of this.....regardless of how therapeutic it may be.....more so for my ex-husband.
  
  Thanks again.....hopefully it all goes smoothly....thank you again!
  AW

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