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Would you save a life if you have the chance?

Y I OughtaY I Oughta member
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So I am a member of the Be The Match bone marrow list. I was called as a possible match for a 15 yr old girl with Lymphoblastic Leukemia. I asked the woman how pregnancy affects this as I am trying to get pregnant. Donating can take up to 6 months. She says she will put me on "hold" on the list for one year.

I'm 30 and I feel like I have 10 years to have a baby. As much as I would love to do this now, I can't stop thinking about the fact that this 15yr old girl may never get that chance because I chose the life of my as of yet to be conceived child over hers. I want to tell H that I am putting pregnancy on hold for at least three months to find out whether or not I am a match, then we can go from there. If my next test comes up negative I think I might call them back and tell them I put pregnancy on hold to see if I really am a perfect match or not.



I could have the blood work done and then find out that I don't match, which means we can start trying again in three months. If I am a match, so what, I get pregnant 6-12 months from now and this girl has a second chance at life.

This is a P&R as I have work to do. I just can't stoip thinking about this enough to get any work done.
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Re: Would you save a life if you have the chance?

  • cheeseandricecheeseandrice member
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    oh wow. I know it's pretty rare to find a match, so I'm not sure what I would do. I would like to think that I would put TTC on hold in order to do it. (Obviously, that's not an option for me right now.) I know you really want a baby, but you've also JUST started TTC right? I think it's up to you and how willing you and H are to put it on hold. It's 'only' 6 months for the whole process? I'd probably do it.  For all you know, you may not actually end up being a match anyway.  From your post it sounds like you'd really doubt yourself if you didn't go through the donor testing and process, so I would probably do it if you can.

    On a related note... kudos to you for signing up :) I'm also registered, after a close friend's daughter went through cancer.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
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    Pretty much everything Steph said, with a bolded " From your post it sounds like you'd really doubt yourself if you didn't go through the donor testing and process". 
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  • LP11509LP11509 member
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    I agree with Steph.  That's amazing that you are part of the program.  I know the thought of putting TTC on hold for 6-12 months is frustrating, but it sounds like you would always wonder if you could have helped the girl if you don't go for it.  
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
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    edited March 2012
    YIO - I'm also a member of Be The Match.  I'd donate in a second.

    In the big scheme of things, putting off pregnancy for a few months really shouldn't alter your life too much (assuming that things go as planned when you TTC), but it could save the life of that teenager.  Imagine if this were your own child that needed the marrow from a someone struggling with the same feelings. 

    I tend to be a deep thinking weirdo about things when stuff comes up.  I think if we were TTC, and this happened - it would be like God's (or the universe or whatever) way of telling me that a baby is not in the cards just yet, because I have to do this first, kwim?

    I don't  think you signed up for BTM if you weren't serious about donating.  Some people never get called.  You should totally do it!
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    I'm a registered donor as well, and I'd at least do the testing to see if you are a match.  If it's only going to push you back 3-6 months, I don't think that's too much in the grand scheme of things. 
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  • september's brideseptember's bride member
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    Oh wow. That's quite the choice, but I think I'm agreeing with your gut feelings right now. I don't know if I could willfully turn away from someone I could potentially save.

    If it was me, I'd go through the testing to know if I'm a match or not. It would be too much on my conscience with a big "what-if" out there. Good luck, Y. I think it's awesome that you're even considering it.
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  • SEWFSEWF member
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    My aunt was a donor for my other aunt who had cancer. I would be, too, but I had health problems that won't let me.

    Like Steph said, you are at the beginning of the TTC process. Personally, I'd probably wait the six months and see if I was a match. However, only you and your H can make this choice, so you have to do what you think is right. In the long run, I think I would feel better if I at least waited to see if I was a match. If I didn't and didn't end up pregnant in the six months, I would always wonder if I could have helped.
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
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    What are the qualifications of this? I've never heard of it. 

    Once you donate, would you have to wait X months again in order to start TTC? 
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  • marateamaratea member
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    I think you should do it if you want to and only if you are prepared to postpone TTC for a while. But if you decide not to do it, I don't think you should feel bad.

    In my case, yes I would get the bloodwork without hesitation, but I'm also not TTC.
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  • cheeseandricecheeseandrice member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-save-a-life-if-you-have-the-chance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:72f0ff36-da74-4f91-bc32-748f52853500Post:a8c97b0b-c7d9-46b2-9f51-057d2d0d0747">Re: Would you save a life if you have the chance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What are the qualifications of this? I've never heard of it.  Once you donate, would you have to wait X months again in order to start TTC? 
    Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://www.bethematch.org" rel="nofollow">www.bethematch.org</a>

    It's a registry for bone marrow transplants.  I think she just meant that the whole donation process takes about 6 months, so she wouldn't be able to get pregnant during that time.
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  • marateamaratea member
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    Meg- You can go to BeTheMatch.org to find out more. You basically take a cheek swab and send the sample back to the organization, where they put you in their base as a potential donor. It's free and if you are a potential match, they'll contact you.
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
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    Thanks for the information, guys! I think it's really great that you are considering this, but I would try not to feel guilty if it doesn't work out, like Koda said. 
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
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    I haven't read responses yet but my uncle got cancer when I was little. He went into remission for a few years however it grew back. He went through rounds of chemo, new drugs, etc. but nothing worked.

    This last time, he was able to do a stem cell transplant with someone who was donating and was a match. It literally saved his life. He's still weak and gets sick easily but it no doubt saved his life.

    As a family, we are so thankful. He's able to see his grandchildren grow up and spend more time with his dad and his sister (my mom).

    I do know it's a huge decision though and not one to take lightly. If you were a match, it could change someone's life BUT you don't need to feel like you HAVE to do it. It's your choice and you need to do whatever you feel most comfortable with.
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  • Y I OughtaY I Oughta member
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    Thanks everyone, you all said what I needed to hear. I'm going to talk with H tonight but my mind is basically made up. In the long run this could set us back over a year because I don't want to be majorly pregnant for my best friends wedding, which I am a BM in, for May 2013. I can live with that, and untill two months ago H thought his chance of having children was slim because I was always sure I didn't want more kids. My daughter is 14, almost 15, and I can't help but think this could be us in this situation. I would hope someone would make the right choice. And by my just typing "right choice" I guess I have my answer.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
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    You're a pretty kickass lady, YIO :)
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-save-a-life-if-you-have-the-chance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:72f0ff36-da74-4f91-bc32-748f52853500Post:2e89f90e-c18d-4904-9c0c-cd847930a82b">Re: Would you save a life if you have the chance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're a pretty kickass lady, YIO :)
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    <div>Absolutely this.</div>
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
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    I wouldn't postpone TTC.  I'm sure it makes me horrible but I know too many people who have had infertility issues and took years to concieve.
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  • Y I OughtaY I Oughta member
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    Thanks guys. I needed that.
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  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-you-save-a-life-if-you-have-the-chance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:72f0ff36-da74-4f91-bc32-748f52853500Post:2e89f90e-c18d-4904-9c0c-cd847930a82b">Re: Would you save a life if you have the chance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're a pretty kickass lady, YIO :)
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    Cheers to that!
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  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
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    im a donor and I would do it. Even with all my TTC problems. Megbo- they do drives all the time. I went to one in Marblehead. All it took was a mouth swab.
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  • pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
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    You're amazing YIO. I think you're making a wonderful choice.

    I'm admittedly biased on the subject because if of my history and because of my friend who won't ever get to have babies or get married or any of those things  because she never found her perfect match. I would absolutely go through the process to see if I was a match and donate if I was.

    I completely understand your hesitation. It's hard to put something off when you've made up your mind to do it. I think that this is a decision though that you'll think back on often and you need to make the one that would make you feel at peace when you do.
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  • brookerichbrookerich member
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    edited March 2012
    My answer is yes, I would save a life.  And I have. 

    I was a bone marrow donor in 1999 and I'd do it over again in a heartbeat.  I don't think (unless you are already pregnant) donating bone marrow will effect your process of trying.  Your body recovers itself pretty quickly (within a month its like nothing was taken out). 

    I'm a year older than you and am in the same situation as far as baby planning goes but if I was given the opportunity to save another life I'd do it in a heartbeat.

    And my process didn't take anywhere near 6 months.  Once they figured out I was a potential match I went in, they did some bloodwork, that came back good within a few weeks, so I went for a physical and donated within about 2 months of that, the person I was donating to just had to go thru all their process and as soon as they were ready so was I. 
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