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FMIL dress shopping, wwyd?

mrsrutkowskimrsrutkowski member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Connecticut
so I'm starting to think about dress shopping as I'm almost a year away (YAY!) My ideal scenario is that my mom, sister (MOH) and 2 BM that live in the area come with me.
Here's the situation - I'm not close with my FMIL by any means. My FH is an only child and so his mom really only has this chance to be involved with planning a wedding...so she basically invited herself dress shopping. She said, "did you get your dress? ...Oh we all can go.." I kind of played it off without ever saying yes. I don't want her there bc she's highly opinionated/(annoying)/overwhelming. I'd rather have her come to a fitting or something once the dress is picked out. 
That being said, what would you do?  
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Re: FMIL dress shopping, wwyd?

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    cdbishopcdbishop member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    That is a tough situation.  In general I think it would be really nice for you to invite her as to have her feel involved and part of the experience. 

    But if you feel that she is going to ruin your experience with her opinions perhaps you can just say that looking for a dress is a special time for you with your mom and BM's.  You would like for her to come to a fitting when that time comes around, but the picking out of the dress will only be with your bridal party?  Even typing that I can just see a woman's face looking really hurt.  Maybe talk to your FI about it and he may have some advice?
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    cronin85cronin85
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    If she is anything like my FMIL (which based off your description I would say yes lol)...then do not let her go.

    My FMIL only has two boys so I was trying to be nice and let her go but omg was it terrible!  I had my dream dress on and I was all ready to buy it, but... FMIL told me I looked like an old lady in it!!!!!  So, because she said that I just couldn't buy that dress because her comment stuck in my mind.  I very hurt and it was kind of a downer to feel that way while dress shopping.

    Good Luck
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    Carebear62584Carebear62584 member
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    My H is also an only child.  I am close with my MIL and love her to death but unfortunately she couldn't come with me when I went dress shopping the first time.  The first time I went to Mariella's I had my mom, cousin (MOH), and aunt come with me because Mariella's has a limit on how many people can come.  If you are going there, that may be a convenient "excuse".  I actually didn't decide on a dress that time, but the next time it was just my mom and MIL and that was when I happened to choose my dress.
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    calindicalindi member
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    I'm a big fan of bringing as small an entourage as possible.  People have opinions, and only bring those whose opinions you truly want - because the idea of having a group of girls ooh and ahh over your choice doesn't usually end up the way you want it to (just watch SYTTD) and usually adds more stress the more people you have. 

    That said, I would try to diffuse it by suggesting that your FMIL come with you to your first fitting, and telling her you want her to be surprised by the choice.  That way she's involved, but not part of your original shopping experience.

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    SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I didn't take my FMIL dress shopping with me.  In fact, I wasn't even with any family when I found "the dress."  My mom had a friday off from work and wanted to go to Mariella's so I made an appointment.  I happened to also have the day before off from work and on a whim went over to The Wedding Dress with a friend.  I found my dream dress there and then ended up going back the next day after Mariella's with my mom, sister and one BM to retry on and make the purchase.  I think you don't have to have her with you if you don't want, especially if she is going to be overwhelming or negative about dresses you like.  I would tell her that you would like to keep your dress a surprise for as many people as possible and invite her to a fitting rather than picking the dress out.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    I think Calindi gave great advice. I'm the only daughter so it was important to me to have that experience with just my mom. DH is one of two boys too and I included MIL in other ways. The dress and fittings were a special experience I got to have with my mom.
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    herb0622herb0622 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_fmil-dress-shopping-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:82d97dd6-e053-4cba-8087-2d030b94e3b6Post:6f6b10a6-8849-404a-99d4-60099342979c">FMIL dress shopping, wwyd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]so I'm starting to think about dress shopping as I'm almost a year away (YAY!) My ideal scenario is that my mom, sister (MOH) and 2 BM that live in the area come with me. Here's the situation - I'm not close with my FMIL by any means. My FH is an only child and so his mom really only has this chance to be involved with planning a wedding...so she basically invited herself dress shopping. She said, "did you get your dress? ...Oh we all can go.." I kind of played it off without ever saying yes. I don't want her there bc she's highly opinionated/(annoying)/overwhelming. I'd rather have her come to a fitting or something once the dress is picked out.  That being said, what would you do?  
    Posted by mrsrutkowski[/QUOTE]


    I had the same issue with my FMIL last year too. I didn't invite her to go dress shopping. I only took my mom, sister (MOH) and one of my bridesmaids I'm closest to. I don't have a close relationship with her and I didn't want her taking photos and showing my dress to everyone either (something she would do). It's a difficult situation but I personally wouldn't have her there if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Dress shopping is supposed to be a fun time and it sounds like if you invite her she'll ruin it for you. GL!
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    mrsrutkowskimrsrutkowski member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    thank you so much for your advice - I'll have to talk to my FI and see what he thinks but I'll probably end up bringing her to a fitting only (I like the idea of the surprise) or to a salon only after I've picked the dress I want with the opinions that matter most. TY!
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