No flames. Please.
I take religion very seriously, so this is something that I am kind of torn on.
BF and I (we're not engaged yet, but our conversations are along the lines of "when we're married...") were talking last night, and he paused and kind of laughed and then said, "So.. are you okay with it being a Catholic wedding?" I was taken aback. I was raised completely LDS, but have since "left the church," and don't follow any religion. I believe several different things, and have a respect for all faiths, but lack of interest in any/all "religion" (the organization of them). Since this change, I've always envisioned a non-religious wedding for myself, if I chose to remarry (married in 03, divorced in early 09)... OR at least some non-denominational ceremony.
BUT it's actually really important to him. He attends casually, so is not "hard-core", but he does believe a lot of it, and his family are all very Catholic, some more hardcore than others, and his dad is a Deacon. He is very serious about really wanting a Catholic ceremony. When we talked about it, he said that all of his in-laws have converted for his siblings for their weddings, since it didn't really matter to them. He knows how I feel about religion, and said that I wouldn't be expected to practice after that.. I told him I am open to it, but with some serious reservations because of how big of a deal it will be to my family if I join a DIFFERENT church, as opposed to just not being LDS anymore. My mom will be heartbroken. Seriously.
BUT, I was just doing some googling and found out that after he gets his first marriage "annulled" in the eyes of the church, being divorced, if he remarries, there is something like a probationary period before he's "in good graces" again? But that if he marries "outside the Church," that he's no longer in good graces and can't participate in Eucharist anymore.
He and I can't have a "valid" marriage because even having been baptized mormon, the CAtholic church (decided in 2001), does not recognize Mormon baptisms as "valid" for being a Sacrament. We would not be able to just get a "permission" and have a Sacramental wedding/marriage unless I actually converted.
My problem is this: I respect the faith, and I fully respect and agree to the idea of Marriage as a sacrament. BUT, I do not want to obligate myself to any other faith, which is why I'm no longer active in the one I was raised with.
I've been trying to find a compromise, and in googling found out about alternatives that don't include having a mass-- or where they'd do a Mass, but I could just receive a blessing, not communion. Problem is, no matter what, if we did that, and I didn't convert, he's no longer allowed to take Eucharist (maybe there are exceptions, but his dad IS a Deacon...).
So, I'm considering what this would mean for me to convert just for the sake of the marriage-- and by that, I don't just mean the ceremony itself, but for the sake of it being considered a "Sacramental Marriage".. because while I don't follow any one religion, I am very spiritually inclined. Also because I don't want to put him in a situation where he's no longer considered "in good graces" when I currently have no tie to my previous faith.
I just don't know how I could do it.. "convert," if my heart isn't really into the religion. Like, I don't believe all of the Catholic teachings, just like I no longer believe all of the LDS teachings. i'm torn. If I decided to go through with it, would a priest understand that I respect the church and would be fine having children raised in it, but that I wish to convert only for the purposes of creating/giving the "sacrament" of marriage because I believe very strongly in what marriage truly is and truly should be? Is this enough "belief" to be a reason to convert in order to have a sacramental marriage?
Thoughts?